Allison wrote me a week or so ago and asked me if I would “address the issue of being mindful and watchful of single ladies in the church who weren’t expecting to go seeking for an established career. I know there is a contingency of female readers who read your blog and Berkhof’s systematic theology among other things. The paradox of being an older female single in the Reformed camp. :) But the joy of rejoicing in Christ in the struggle.”
Well, I took the
wise coward’s way out and asked her to write the post herself! Here it is.
As I am on the brink of turning 40 and still single, many a word have I spoken to the Lord regarding my current status. I am a Reformed Baptist, which generally lends itself to assuming I will get married because that happens to conservative girls like myself. Yet silence still pervades the air regarding that issue in my life.
With moxie, I behest the Lord to present before me just the right Calvinistic fellow who would lead me into marriage. But alas, God has the “gall” to not confirm my request in the speedy manner I was desiring.
Called to something different?
But what if God is calling me to something different? It is easier and more natural to be under the protectorate of men, but to instead slip on heels and work alongside them was not something I expected. My father was a military officer and my mother was a housewife, and I assumed I would follow her footsteps. I am a member of a conservative Baptist church, and it is the norm to be married off and support the husband. Thus it is perplexing to be handed a sword and pushed into a battle I was not expecting.
Many of the female bloggers of the Reformed camp speak mainly of family and marriage issues, and the dutiful posting about being a content single. Instead I look to blogs by men that talk about the workforce in today’s society and other issues my married female counter-parts don’t have to face as often.
So I wanted to encourage the other gals out there, who are flummoxed and bewildered at their current status in life, to still praise God. To “hold fast to your paths; my feet have not slipped,” Psalm 17:6.
Too easily, society quips to “try online dating.” But I caution against that. Do not be too quick to escape out of the mode of singleness with a flash of your credit card. Yes, it has worked for some, but deep down, aren’t you a hopeless romantic wanting true love the old-fashioned way?
I work in a warehouse, not an exciting career, and I gagged when I read this book about single gals who had stellar careers and were at the point of finally buying a house on their own. I can’t afford that. The book actually made me more depressed because I did not measure up to the standard of living that these other ladies possessed.
I too am getting older, not as financially stable as I would like to be, honestly a little fearful of the future. But praise God that I still cry out to the Lord for help and I listen for Him and wait for Him to answer.
To other gals who are feeling discouraged, I can sympathize and gently admonish. Cry, get a hug, spend time with God and read. Sinclair Ferguson is a wonderful author/pastor and his warm, gentle voice is soothing on those hard days. I recommend “Deserted by God” by Ferguson.
Be plugged into the women’s ministry, get a mentor, volunteer, and read rich theology. Books in the theology section aren’t just for guys! Read the biography of A.W. Pink and Adoniram Judson. Instead of checking that online dating site, open that theology book and feel challenged and excited. You will be surprised!
Be a member of your church, volunteer to the highest capacity at your church. Love God’s Word, memorize it! Be known as a lady of God. I can honestly say that I would not want a guy who had spent hours on e-harmony. Instead I want a guy who spent hours volunteering at church.
A rock on the hand or the Word in your heart?
Let God’s Word be the focus on your mind, to draw upon that when the dagger of disgust and frustration scrapes against my neck. Hard times will come, but God’s Word will never forsake me! Have the Word on the tip of your tongue; have it as a goal when chatting over coffee about things to look forward to. Sure having a rock on the hand is nice, but what is even better is to have God’s glorious Word encrusted and embellishing your heart forever!
Proverbs 31:25 reads “Strength and dignity are her clothing and she laughs at the time to come.” I cannot do that on my own accord. But by God’s grace and by the pouring in of the Holy Spirit, that can be accomplished.
Thank you Lord for breaking me and making me reliant on you to be built back up. It is a good thing to be conservative, and Reformed, and educated, and, yes, sophisticated. I did not say homely or dull
It is nice to be able to be at church where men still lead.
Love God, love your church, love God’s Word and love His sovereignty!
Allison blogs at http://allisonenos.posterous.com/