“Mom, Dad… I’m Gay.” A Christian Parent’s Response

July 4, 2013  David Murray   9 comments

Rachel Held Evans concludes her blog post If my son or daughter were gay with this paragraph:

If God blesses Dan and me with a child who is gay, I would want that child to know without a doubt that he or she is loved unconditionally. I would want her to know nothing could separate her from the love of God in Christ. I would want her to know that she isn’t broken, she isn’t an embarrassment, she isn’t a disappointment.  May I be part of creating a world in which I will not have to protect her from the bullies.

I believe Rachel’s motivation is to create a more welcoming and loving environment in the church for those who identify themselves as homosexuals, or who struggle with homosexual desire. I admire and agree with her motive, and must say that I’ve learned from her in this area of being much more careful in how I speak and write about homosexuality.

However, I would challenge Rachel in two areas.

First, she doesn’t communicate any concern about the sinfulness of homosexual desires nor the immorality of homosexual actions. She seems to convey that homosexual desires are not part of human brokenness, and that to pursue homosexual practices does not have any bearing on a person’s relationship with Christ. No matter what they do, they remain Christ’s “little ones.” There is no indication that she sees anything wrong or unbiblical about homosexuality.

Second, Rachel seems to identify everyone who takes the view that homosexual desires are part of broken human sinfulness, and that homosexual actions are sin, as bullies. Are there bullies who hold these views? Yes, sadly, of course there are. However, it’s irresponsible and unfair to group all who say that homosexuality is immoral as bullies of Christ’s little ones. In doing so, Rachel is, unwittingly I’m sure, aiding and abetting the militant LGBT movement who want to demonize and silence all opposition to their agenda.

I’d like to offer an alternative response to Rachel. It’s not perfect either, I’m sure. Like many Christians I’m still learning how to respond to the social and cultural revolution of the past ten years or so. However, I think it is more biblical than Rachel’s, without being bullying.

Click on over to Christianity.com to read my eight guidelines for parents in this situation.

  • Darling Lopez

    Thank you for making these two critical points. I am seeing everyday the terrible dissolving of what the word of God says when it comes to this subject. The LGBT agenda is saturated with lies that must be addressed but we must also know how to take a strong stand but with compassion, NOT compromise.

  • http://outin2thedeep.wordpress.com Wesley

    Great post (and article over at CT). Evans continues to baffle and frustrate me. I often think she should write her own book now called “Liberalism wins” or something of the like seeing as she seems tone picking up the mantle of Bell as he fades out.

    As for the issue at hand, i wonder if you could speak to the time before this day comes as a parent (perhaps you have posted on this before, as if so forgive me). How would you counsel a parent who is raising a child in this hyper-sexualized, anything-goes culture to inform and protect their children before a day like you describe ever comes? Basically, how should we talk to our young children now about God’s good design for sexuality and the very real pressures they may feel and temptations that may come to protect them from being deceived and trapped in the future?

    • http://headhearthand.org/blog/ David Murray

      Thanks for this further challenge, Wesley! I’ll certainly give that some thought.

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  • http://www.newbyathome.blogspot.com Catie

    Thank you for this! Your honesty and *actual* Biblical perspective is refreshing! I’ve come across a few other posts in the blogosphere that have troubled me concerning this very issue.

    There seems to be a blurring of lines when it comes to homosexuality. It seems like some Christians (or those who only call themselves Christians) get confused about what it really means to LOVE someone, regardless of their sexual tendencies. It doesn’t mean we have to say the sin is OK. We need to love them, yes, but not agree with them. I hope this doesn’t seem too pious–I’m a only a sinner SAVED BY GRACE!

    • Gennaro

      Hi Catie, from the point of view of the believer, I agree with you, love is the right answer to this problem. Because love means compassion and understanding, but not amenability. Yes, God loves the sinner, but hates sin, and sin is incompatible with him. Homosexuality looks like a neutral power until it is awakened. Then becomes dangerous. God’s creation was perfect until sin polluted it. Homosexuality is a deviation from the right line and Jesus does have an interesting answer about it (Mt. 19:12).

  • Nathan

    As a conservative Christian father who recently was told by my 13 year old son that he views himself as gay, I have to admit I told him that I love him and that we are there for him. After he explained his feelings to me I told him what God says about marriage, about the history of societies that fall when homosexuality is widely accepted and that medically speaking it won’t work. I realize that I can’t change him from having gay desires to being straight. I pray that he keeps Christ first.

    One more thing, it is frightening that so much hatred towards Christians is being spewed every day. If my son chooses to come our and accept being gay, I hope that he does not become like those hate filled people who accuse Christuans of being bigots.

    • http://headhearthand.org/blog/ David Murray

      May God guide you as you seek to guide your son through this turmoil. It is quite common for young teenage boys to be confused about their sexuality and I’d encourage you to help him believe that his feelings are not fixed, that teenage years are times of extreme mood swings, and that what he is presently interpreting in this way may well pass away and he’ll look on this time in a different light.

  • Nathan

    Thank you for your words of encouragement. My wife and I are spending more time with him and our relationship is better. We do realize that he is at least question in his sexuality and that he is not cemented. We encourage him and let him know that he is a wonderful son that any parent can have.

    • http://headhearthand.org/blog/ David Murray

      May God mightily help you, Nathan.