6 Reasons Men are Opting Out of Marriage

“More and more men are choosing not to go to school, not to get a job, and not to get married. If similar numbers of women were doing the same, someone would raise the alarm, but since men are the ones opting out, the problem has been mostly met with silence.”

So says Dr Helen Smith, author of Men on Strike, in which she argues that men are acting entirely rationally in response to the lack of incentives society offers them to be responsible fathers, husbands and providers. In the video below, she presents six reasons why men are opting out of marriage:

  1. They’ll lose respect
  2. They’ll lose out on sex
  3. They can lose their children and their money
  4. They can lose their space
  5. They can lose their freedom
  6. The single life is better than ever.

Despite these powerful cultural trends, I still believe that a persuasive rational case can be made for marriage (see the early pages of Tim Keller’s The Meaning of Marriage). However, this also demonstrates how a culture built on human reason rather than on biblical principles is always at risk of rapid disintegration.


Check out

“Too many old people”?
Dan Phillips: “Paul casts a net that takes in the whole age-range of the congregation. Pride of place goes to seniors, to older men and older women, who then have a ministry embracing younger women and men.”

Five Reasons to Confront Even if you Hate Confrontation
Wish I hadn’t read this.

Why Millennials are Coming to Church
Joe Thorn: “We definitely aren’t the cool church in town. Our building is busted. Our worship space is puritan-plain. We are Southern Baptist (definitely not cool up here), complementation, Reformed. There is a lot about is that is uncool in many ways–at least to many outsiders. But Jesus is here, and his people are amazing.”

The Gospel at Work
Matt Perman on productivity and the Gospel. On the same subject, here’s an extract from Matt Heerema’s sermon on How the Gospel affects our Work, and Patrick Schreiner links to a talk by a businessman on Business and the Glory of God.

Is the New Evangelical Liturgy Really An Improvement?
Kevin DeYoung answers “no” and points to What the Reformed Liturgical Heritage has to offer.

What Are Areas of Common neglect in a Pastor’s life?
Brian Croft highlights lack of sleep, lack of exercise, and lack of spiritual attention to one’s soul.

Best of HHH: 80 Posts on Counseling

While I’m on vacation, I’m taking a break from preparing Check outs and writing a daily post. Instead, I’ve been posting “The Best of HeadHeartHand,” a series of indexes to past blog posts under a number of headings including Counseling, Leadership, Preaching, etc. Previous posts included:

140 articles on the Christian Life,
100 articles of Cultural Commentary
100+ articles on Preaching.
250+ articles on Ministry and Leadership

And today it’s approximately 80 posts on Counseling. Some of the older posts’ formatting may be a bit off, the result of transferring from blogging at Posterous to using WordPress a couple of years ago.

Christ-Centered Biblical Counseling

John Piper On Biblical Counseling

Charity And Clarity In Counseling

The Counselor’s Role In The Holy Spirit’s Counseling

Your Brain Is Plastic (And That’s Good News)

Is It Time For More Positive Biblical Counseling?

Exploring Our Inner Universe

God’s Fatherhood: Better Than The Latest Band-Aid Of Self-Help

A new breed and a dying breed

Really practical theology

Is low self-esteem always beautiful?

Counseling yourself

Daily list: 11 trends in biblical counseling in 2011

Tis the season to be sad

A counseling challenge for 2012

American optimism v Scottish skepticism

Equipping counselors for your church

Turning a dream into reality

What do Bob Kellemen and Mathew Henry have in common?

The best training for counseling

Revealing research

Give us this day our daily brain food

Food and mood

Soul food

I feel sorry for psychologists

Fear and the brain

Can we redeem self-esteem?

Depression: The 6 R’s

Miscarriage? Death of a child? Need help?

Malachi’s short story

A counseling policy for your church

Counseling 101

Rebellious children? Try sleeping

You are what you think

Who sinned? This man or his parents?

Calvin and Piper on sufficiency of scripture

The cost of mental illness

Struggling with personality disorder

Wise counsel for biblical counselors

Want help to stop grumbling?

He cares for you

Pastors and suicide?

Why are we so angry?

Antidepressants work fast?

Journalism and Counseling

Do You Really Need Antidepressants?

7 Questions About Suicide And Christians

Mental Illness & Suicide: The Church Awakes

Pastoral Thoughts On Depression

The Problem With “Mental Illness”

Double Dangers: Maximizing And Minimizing Mental Illness

A Medical Test For Mental Illness

The Puritans And Mental Illness

The Puritans On Medication For Mental Illness

Seasonal Affective Disorder [Video]

8 Ways Preachers Harm The Depressed

Delivered From Islam…And Depression

How Biblical Is Biblical Counseling?

Trinitarian Counseling

Fighting Falsehoods About My Heavenly Father

Wonderful Southern Baptist Resolution On Mental Health Issues

10 lessons from two days

“Black folk don’t go to therapy”

8 ways to help depressed Christians

A depressing report about depression

Caring for the depressed (4): Stigma

Caring for the depressed (3): Support

Caring for the depressed (2): Sympathy

Caring for the depressed (1): Study

5 questions to ask a depressed person

Helpful CCEF video about depression

Helping someone with post-partum depression

The Most Important Question In Marriage

Jesus Sighed

What girls should know about guys: 40 tips

What guys should know about girls: 50 tips

What guys should know about girls (adult edition)

What girls should know about guys (adult edition)

Young(ish), single, reformed

Unofficial study guide for “the meaning of marriage”

What a happy marriage? Marry someone poor and ugly!

How to love your wife (or husband) less

What did you expect? Something more positive!

Disability and salvation: A moving personal testimony

Why disabilities?

A father’s journey with his down syndrome daughter


If you don’t want to cry, don’t watch this

Best of HHH: 250+ Posts on Ministry and Leadership

While I’m on vacation over the next week or so, I’m taking a break from preparing Check outs and writing a daily post. Instead, I’ll be posting “The Best of HeadHeartHand,” a series of indexes to past blog posts under a number of headings including Counseling, Leadership, Preaching, etc. This week’s posts included 140 articles on the Christian Life100 articles of Cultural Commentary, and 100+ articles on Preaching. Today it’s 250+ posts on Ministry and Leadership. Some of the older posts’ formatting may be a bit off, the result of transferring from blogging at Posterous to using WordPress a couple of years ago.

Haters Gonna Hate: How To Deal With Three Kinds Of Hate Mail

Young Pastor, Obscurity Is Your Friend

The Reading Habits Of Today’s Pastors

Pastors and social media (1): Be Positive

Pastors and social media (2): Be Intentional

Pastors and Social media (3): Be Sociable

I’d Rather Be A Godly Administrator Than An Ungodly Minister

Education And The Digital Revolution

Church Power Games

Don’t Sandwich Negative Feedback

Why Do Rookie Pastors Get Fired?

The Most Essential Life Skill: Teachability

Relax! You’ll Be More Productive

10 Ways To Give Constructive Criticism

Administrator Appreciation Day

17 Tips For Better Church Meetings

Church Size: Is 150 The “Magic” Number?

Ministry Miseries Or Pastoral Pleasures

Developing Pastoral Antennae

Reformed Theology And Ragged Schools

Disarming Your Hearers

Work Less To Do More

What Would I Do If I Was Falsely Accused Of Sexual Immorality?

Words Of Comfort For Bereaved Parents

Cheerful leadership

Climbing Leadership

Confident Leadership

Clear Leadership

Communicative Leadership

Courageous And Compassionate

Service Bay 1: Routine

Service Bay 2: Relaxation

Service Bay 3: Recreation

Service Bay 4: Rest

Service Bay 5: Re-thinking

Service Bay 6: Reprioritize

Service Bay 7: Return

10 Types Of Christian Leadership

Paper v Pixels

A Swear Word For Creative Types

Making Ideas Happen: 99% Perspiration

Leading And Reading

Christian Hiring And Firing

For president, I want the guy who’s failed

The mailbox mystery

Is it time to visit the soul care garage?

The secret of corporate integrity

Violent and Original Work

Don’t live for a legacy

A massage or a message?

Pastoral supermodels

Learning from the wrecker’s yard

Six simple ways to avoid burnout

Compassion fatigue

The truth dresses down

My hate-love relationship with seminary

Let the dummies give the answer

I met a “celebrity” pastor yesterday

Do I have a parrot on my shoulder?

Are you like Apple or Google?

The dirty little secret of overnight success

Lessons from Thomas Verelli’s supreme court choke

The secret to grace under pressure

Can you enjoy ministry too much?

6 time management tips from entrepreneurs

5 types of work that will fill your day

The softer side of leadership

7 strategies to stop procrastinating

Learning to be a power listener

A desk that could save your life!

A divine invitation to pastoral rest

A digital dictionary for leaders

10 digital commandments

Why appreciation matters so much

A son’s moving tribute to his pastor father

Pastoral ministry course

Amiable leadership

Three types of bosses that should be fired

Is perfectionism always bad for you?

Chris Larson leadership lectures

Diligence + time = excellence

Four destructive myths most pastors still live by

What’s the best way to study? Top ten tips

Al Mohler on Mark Driscoll

Location, location, location

Prepare for church discipline

Practice church discipline

Want to learn faster? Try the ibrain

Womb seminary

The role of nursing mothers in training pastors

The fatherly mother (or motherly father?)

Wanted: men of exceptional character

Two cautions for Christian leaders

Stars, sloths, sinners, saints, and stalwarts

Don’t spiritualize your management problems: fix them!

Your own personalized Google

Meeting matters

A body-language gallery

Pastoral theology resources

How to lose friends and not influence anyone

Why I left my congregation

96 minutes of daily interruptions

The Talk-O-meter

Top 20 most influential books in my life

What does it take to come up with a really good idea?

7 essential mental activities

The bull-loving matador

In the pastoral bullring

4 ways to benefit from criticism

20 ways to beat “meeting-phobia”

Top ten meeting personalities

My “I’m-never-going-to-get-to-it” list

Chris Larson lecturing on leadership at PRTS

Michael Hyatt’s parting message

Fighting time poverty

The Devil on time management: Squander, stretch, squeeze

10 P’s of time management

Does your desk glorify God?

Leading by listening

Trash it!

Lord, teach me how to teach

Leadership lecture: The honest steward

Gold-plated investment opportunity

Ministers and money

Money matters

Time to declare email bankruptcy?

Leadership lecture: The courageous captain

A call to courage for fellow-cowards

Focus on connection not perfection

Breaking news: Students multi-task during lectures!

The good news about stress

Leadership lecture: The patient shepherd

Leadership lecture: The humble servant

The pastor and the media: Ten tips

3 reasons not to delegate

Are you a pusher or a puller?

Sheep: “This time it’s personal”

The shepherd leader

Servant leadership

My life’s work

Staying on the leadership tightrope

Leadership lessons from president Obama?

I want to be a leader in the church

850 definitions of leadership

Focus intensely and renew regularly

Motives for ministry?

1-step-plan to superproductivity

Clutches in the churches

Facebook and the call to ministry

Achieve your goals (by not telling everyone)

7 tips for church meetings

Learning leadership from ants

How to be a speed reader

Zuckerberg’s favorite word: Um

The biggest mistake a leader can make

Three tips for training our children to lead

Six ways to supercharge your productivity

Why Tony Blair’s leadership journey failed

When to visit

The greatest servant

Two ways to live (and pastor)

Avoid decisions, avoid life

Evangelism and the risk of failure

Congregations gone wild

Pastors, please take a break

Leadership tips from Tony Hayward (not)

I hate the telephone

Focus short and long

Turn the ministry you have into the ministry you want

The men who stare at screens

Would John the Baptist have read the HBR

12 Things we’d tell our bosses if we could

Essential tools in the pastor’s toolbox

Ten laws of productivity

Am I called to the ministry?

Weak strength and strong weaknesses

A “normal” pastoral visit

The pastor as “feeler in chief”

Leading by silence

Leaders who last

Sympathy or empathy?

Who should we hire? Ask the receptionist

Reality check for would-be pastors

A leader’s mic is always on

Top ten motivation boosters and procrastination killers

Be more decisive…wash your hands

Boring grace

7 ways to deal with “haters”

“To do” or tomorrow

A “normal” week of pastoral ministry

Successful ministry or happy marriage

Preach or pastor

The pastor’s worst enemy

Pastoral ministry like having a baby

How to stop people idolizing you

True leadership: Opposing our friends

Leadership crisis

Victory through rest and recreation

The ministry is God’s sandbox

Good recoveries from bad communications

Pastoring clever people (or herding cats)

Investing in your mentor

God’s top 100 pastors

Wise leaders don’t know too much

How to say “No”

Squandering our most important resource

Mirror leadership

Work less to do more

The power of moral clarity

Improving pastoral productivity

For overworking pastors (and students)

Introverts in the church

How to boost your memory. Sleep!

Why do pastors suffer?

Novel advice for writers

How to keep track of what you’ve learnt

The 40-30-30 rule: Why risk is worth it

What does your desk say about you?

How to turn ministry into idolatry

Glorifying God and email

What not to say to some one who just lost their job

Should I tell the pastor?

The invisible gorilla

Confident but not sure

How the mighty fall

Naming names

How to take smart reading notes

Deference and deviance

When pastor’s kids go bad

The sinkhole syndrome

Help for hurting churches in dealing with apostasy

The two essential traits of great leaders

Failure: The last taboo?

80 ways to redeem time

The pastor’s worst day

Water for baptisms

Coping with “church surprises”

Poor excuses for sinful silence

Splits and sorrys

What do people really think of me?

In the hot seat

Blessed defeat

The risk of catastrophic victory

Learning on the tightrope

Why you should fire yourself

Three ways to keep your ego in check

From good to great

Scottish worthies

Wisdom from the world’s richest man?

Top 200 Leadership Resources

Top 300 Online Counseling Resources

Top 60 Online Resources For Battling Porn

Best of HHH: 100+ Posts on Preaching

While I’m on vacation over the next week or so, I’m taking a break from preparing Check outs and writing a daily post. Instead, I’ll be posting “The Best of HeadHeartHand,” a series of indexes to past blog posts under a number of headings including Counseling, Leadership, Preaching, etc. On Monday, I listed 140 articles on the Christian Life, on Tuesday it was 100 articles of Cultural Commentary. Today it’s over a hundred posts on preaching.

20 Sermon Structures

What Is Sermon Application?

8 Principles Of Sermon Application

The Manner Is The Message

How To Preach A Viral Sermon

Snapshot Sermons

10 Foolish Obstacles To The Foolishness Of Preaching

What Does It Mean To “Preach Christ?”

8 Lessons I Learned About Preaching From Painting My Kitchen

8 Ways Preachers Harm The Depressed

This Is An Outstanding Sermon

Check Out: Big God Theology

Six Audiences

Truthful + Beautiful = Faithful

Dangerous dissection

How To Astonish The World

What Does An Evangelistic Sermon Look Like?

What is evangelistic preaching?

4 kinds of evangelistic sermon

Why is evangelistic preaching so rare today?

4 characteristics of evangelistic preaching

Four (more) characteristics of evangelistic preaching

Normal sermon prep? Really?

Six steps of sermon preparation

20 tips on how to use Bible commentaries

Daily list: 7 tips for public speaking without all the notes

The charity of clarity

7 types of preacher’s block (and what to do about them)

How sermons work

The must-have pastoral skill

Top 10 preaching mistakes

CK2:20 Preaching without notes?

Am I boring you? 7 tell-tale signs

Top 6 struggles of pastoral ministry

Would you turn down Princeton?

David Wilkerson’s heartfelt plea for “anguish”

Sermon prep and the chemistry of fear

Blogging or preaching?

7 easy steps to much faster sermon prep

Pros and cons of consecutive expository preaching

Catchy sermon titles?

Bored with your own preaching?

How to listen to boring lectures (and sermons?)

More on preaching without notes

Should we practice preaching?

Can a to-do list make you a better preacher?

So pastor, what’s your point?

Pastors and communication: 4 questions

Learning to preach from non-preachers

Jack Dorsey’s secret

Preachers wearing too much make-up

Preachers: Plan on being misunderstood

Microwave or marinate?

Sermon preparation for busy pastors

A plea for profound simplicity

The secret to powerful preaching

People trust eloquence more than honesty

What is preaching? Your answers, please.

Dying to preach

Before you preach on forgiveness read this…

Electronic resources for sermon preparation

How to critique a sermon

Six keys to excellence in preaching

Tell them one thing

Preaching without notes (2)

Preaching without notes (1)

Step-by-step guide to interpreting a text

Learning to preach from writers

Clouds of words

Abstract academics or practical preachers

Preaching without notes

How can I compete with internet sermons?

Screenwriting and preaching

Evangelistic preaching (full text)

Great preachers are great listeners (and lovers)

Serous preaching in a comedy culture

God blesses “Beta” sermons

A preacher who dreads sermon preparation

The preacher’s vocal toolbox

20 ways to apply a sermon

Making a sermon stick

Twenty ways to structure a sermon

Ten principles of sermon organization

How not to start a sermon

Sermon Eurekas

Freshen up your preaching

Enhanced interrogation techniques

What will I preach on?

How sermons work

Preaching to all ages

Steve Jobs on preaching

Investing in sermon titles

Overcoming the frustration barrier in preaching

The rule of three for pastors

White space for preachers

Freshen up your preaching

10,000 hours to preach a great sermon?

Post-preaching blues?

Serious preaching in a comedy culture

How not to preach boring sermons!

“Day-dreaming” helps sermon preparation

Spluttering or Sprinting over the Finish Line

200 Preaching Resources

Top 70 Online Resources On The Psalms

Disarming Your Hearers

Best of HHH: 100 Articles of Cultural Commentary

While I’m on vacation over the next week or so, I’m taking a break from preparing Check outs and writing a daily post. Instead, I’ll be posting “The Best of HeadHeartHand,” a series of indexes to past blog posts under a number of headings including Counseling, Leadership, Preaching, etc. Yesterday I listed 140 articles on the Christian Life. Today it’s 100 or so posts of cultural commentary, including posts on posts on education, gay marriage, and politics.

The Future Of American Higher Education

My “Anti-Mohler” Summer Reading List

What Every 20-Something Needs To Know

Embryonic Stem Cells: Where Are The Cures?

The Most Hated Man In Science

Prepare For Gay Marriage

What Yahoo Can Teach Us About Church

A New Recipe For Happiness

How Racism Is Bad For Our Bodies

When The Government Tries To Be God

The Most Disobeyed Commandment In The Church?

The Power Of The Flying Pink Elephant

What Did You Really Learn At College?

10 Positive Reasons To Train Your Kids In Cell Phone Use

Where Have All The Positive Americans Gone?

7 Lessons for Christians from the “Gay Victory”

The Badge Of Honor

Autistic Artist Sketches New York Skyline From Memory

A New Diet For A New Year

Newtown: Time To Operate On A “Need To Know” Basis

The Apostle Paul’s Media Pyramid

What Lance Armstrong Teaches Us About The Unevangelized Heathen?

What Is A Social Conservative?

Spiritual Report On Scotland

Diversity, Diversity, Diversity

A New Reformation Begins…On Our Own Doorstep

Jesus The Ecumenical Separatist

The case for “hate”

How to be a Christian hater

Curiosity and Christ: Should Christians support exploration of Mars?

What letter would you write you write to a gay son?

10 lessons from beauty and the beast

3 reasons for the epidemic of Christophobia

Victory? The triumphant gay revolution

Homosexuality, polyester, and shellfish

12 differences between Scottish and American churches

Pop music getting sadder and sadder

Where are the Presbyterian celebrity pastors?

A modern parable from Britain’s got talent


Some sympathy for atheists

The old idea still causing us problems

Ethical cars with unethical drivers

Franklin Graham apologizes to president Obama

What is truth?

Contraception? Where’s the vision?

Republicans are waking up and dreaming dreams

Entitlement: the gimme generation

Brandwashing, brainwashing, and Biblewashing

Outreach for introverts

Are you the chicken of….?

Daily list: top ten buzzwords in 2011

Should we answer the questions people are asking?

“Politics is God”

Republican leadership “fail

Wilderness university

Are we getting nicer?

Footprints everywhere

“Certainly the end of something or other, one would sort of have to think”

Conformity for diversity’s sake

How to answer a hostile TV interviewer

Captivated: The movie

Media bullies

“The person to your right is a liar…and to the left…”

The “gospel” of art

The loner president and the loner pastor

10 things I wish I’d known in college

10 more things I wish I’d known at college

Less gospel, more Christ please

What’s the difference between Islamic and Christian Extremists?

Was Christianity responsible for the Crusades?

Everyone wants better. No one wants change

How to catch a liar

Happiness = gratitude + generosity + sincerity

CNN learns ten spiritual lessons

Top 5 deathbed regrets

Was Adam a real man?

Reformed robots

Prepare to be wiki-leaked?

100 failed human predictions

Religion. Sex. Power

38% believe marriage becoming obsolete

Why are winners so miserable?

Parental rights at risk in America

The world’s largest art competition

What Dawkins, Hawkins, and Hitchens know about God

7 trends in an age of information overload

Is the American dream dying?

Is the pope “right about Christ?”

Why Tony Blair’s leadership journey failed

Is the first amendment being redefined?

Bill Gate’s favorite teacher

2010: The year of the national disaster

Gays outdo straights in online development

Getting X’rs to the cross

The way we’re working isn’t working

TV with a conscience

Failure: The last taboo?

Drive-by culture and the endless search for wow

Christian clothes commercial

Rebuilding trust: Lessons from Toyota

What can a 100-year-old coach teach us?

Six laws of human nature

A diet of 34 GB of data a day

Your brain without dad?

Why are we so angry?

Cure unhappiness-get alone

Time magazine makes the case for humility

Confessions of a cultural dropout

Why are woman getting gloomier and men are getting happier?

Diggers or drinkers?