Blogs

The Top Ten Surprises New Pastors Have | ThomRainer.com
Hopefully this will result in fewer surprises.

No Time for Widows? | Biblical Counseling Coalition
“Many people are uncomfortable around the bereaved, particularly if they have not experienced the death of a close family member or friend. Below I’ve listed just a few examples of things to say and not say to a widow.  If you are unsure of what to say, it is best to say only ‘I’m sorry.’ Gentle hugs often speak more eloquently than words.”

6 Ways to Teach Your Kids the Bible | Jon Nielson, TGC
“I’m a father of three young kids. I can’t think of many things more important for them than regular exposure to the living Word of God. If you’re a Christian parent of young children, I assume you share the same conviction: Your kids need to hear from God, and you long for them to listen carefully to his good Word. But it’s hard. Life is busy, kids are lively, and reading the Bible often struggles to compete with the Disney channel, Legos, and the newest phone app. Here are six tips my wife and I have found helpful in our rhythm of Bible reading with our young kids (currently 6, 5, and 3).”

Higher Calling, Lower Wages: The Vanishing of the Middle-Class Clergy | David R. Wheeler, The Atlantic
“As full-time pastors become a thing of the past, more and more seminary grads are taking on secular jobs to supplement their incomes. ”

An Open Letter to the Person Caring for a Loved One with Dementia | John Dunlop, Crossway
“Taking responsibility for the care of a person suffering from any stage of dementia can be one of the greatest challenges of life. But there are not only challenges. There are also opportunities; opportunities to serve unselfishly in the way our Lord serves us, opportunities for personal growth, and opportunities for God to be glorified. ”

6 Steps to Setting Technology Boundaries in Your Home
“Technology exposes our idolatry. Combating the misuse or overuse of technology is important, but parents must always remember that a child’s behavior is nothing more than a reflection of his or her heart. And just like yours, those hearts are full of idols. But as you work toward these deeper issues, setting up appropriate boundaries can be very helpful. Here are some helpful ways to do just that:”

Building a Theological Library, Part 3: Tips on Building a Digital Library | Jeff Straub, Credo Magazine
“We live in exciting times. At no point in human history has it been easier to collect and maintain a ministerial library if one chooses the route of digital books. ”

Why is Cremation on the Rise? | Alex Chediak, The Stream
“For Christians, this raises the question: Is it really a neutral choice between whether to be buried or burned? If so, it’s easy to opt for convenience. But there’s a long tradition among Christians that a burial is much better.”

7 Insights From J.D. Vance And Co. About What’s Ripping Families Apart | Josh Shepherd, The Federalist
“On Thursday, with an auditorium packed to hear best-selling “Hillbilly Elegy” author J.D. Vance, Heritage Foundation scholars unveiled the 2017 Index of Culture and Opportunity, an annual compendium of charts, essays, and expert analysis tracking national social and economic changes…”

Kindle Deals

Uncensored: Daring to Embrace the Entire Bible by Brian Cosby ($1.99)

Wilberforce by John Pollock ($1.99)

Running on Empty: The Gospel for Women in Ministry by Barbara Bancroft ($1.59)

Grief Undone: A Journey with God and Cancer by Elizabeth W. D. Groves ($1.99)

Am I Called? The Summons to Pastoral Ministry by Dave Harvey ($2.99)

I try to read or listen to anything that Diane Langberg says in the areas of abuse and PTSD. Here’s a video of a lecture she gave on domestic abuse to the Christian Leaders Forum in Budapest. As A Cry for Justice puts it:

In this talk, Diane condemns the way that many Christians minimize the seriousness of what happens in domestic abuse, and she says that the church is not doing a lot to address the issue. She defines abuse as including emotional, verbal, financial, sexual, spiritual and social abuse as well as physical abuse. Likewise, she emphasizes that domestic abuse is a pattern of conduct, not just isolated incidents. And she applies scriptures very well to the issue.

You can follow Diane on Twitter or read more about her work at her website. She has also written a number of books which you can find here.

We all know loneliness is not a good thing. At the very beginning, God told us that it is not good to be alone (Gen. 2:18). But perhaps it is beyond “not good,” – harmful, detrimental even.

That’s what Billy Baker from the Boston Globe discovered as he researched the effects of loneliness in his article, The biggest threat facing middle-age men isn’t smoking or obesity. It’s loneliness.

He writes, “Vivek Murthy, the surgeon general of the United States, has said many times in recent years that the most prevalent health issue in the country is not cancer or heart disease or obesity. It is isolation.”

Through his research, Baker identifies himself in the problem, realizing he hasn’t seen some of his “closest” friends in years. What is interesting to note, however, is that this loneliness and isolation is felt even among men with wives and families.

Lack of Friendship

It seems the real problem might not be “isolation” but a lack of friendship. Psychiatrist Richard S. Schwartz has studied this now typical phenomenon among middle-aged family-men. “When people with children become overscheduled, they don’t shortchange their children, they shortchange their friendships. ‘And the public health dangers of that are incredibly clear,’ he says.”

Here are those health dangers, not to mention the effects on mental health:

• Cardiovascular disease
• Stroke
• Alzheimer’s
• Early death (even after correcting for other lifestyle choices)

Male and Female Relationships

Another important point in this conversation is that (as we know) men and women are created differently. Therefore, they experience relationships differently. This is not to say that loneliness isn’t a danger for women, too, but that women naturally maintain their relationships better than men do. This is at least in part because what appears to be most meaningful to women is conversation, which can be done over the phone and from a distance.

However, activity is what bonds men together, which is why “studies have shown, men tend to make their deepest friends through periods of intense engagement, like school or military service or sports.” Unfortunately, as men and their responsibilities grow, the chances to engage in those kinds of side-by-side activities wane, or at the least, require a lot of effort. Baker even described feeling guilty about running off with the guys during his free time instead of using it to be with his family. That’s noble – and I’m sure his wife appreciates his consideration – but as we’re seeing, that might not always be the best choice for his health.

“I’m very happy in my life,” Baker says, “If I need someone to confide in, I have my wife. All the pieces are here, except one — the guys. I’d like to think they’re also missing me and are just locked into this same prison of commitments. But I don’t want to wait until we’re all retired and can reconnect on a golf course. It feels silly to wait that long, and thanks to this stupid story, I know it’s quite dangerous.”

What Can We Do?

So what do we do? One practical tip Baker describes is to establish a regular time for this side-by-side type of friendship. Pick a day with a few of your friends and meet every week at that time and do something together. Make it a standing appointment so that the importance of relationship doesn’t get swept away in the busyness of life. I would also recommend taking a long, hard look at your obligations. If you don’t have time to tend to your physical, mental, and/or spiritual health – and relationships are part of that – It’s time to drop some commitments.

Biblical Friendship

We need friends. We need confidants (Proverbs 17:17, 27:5-6), companions (Ecc. 4:9-10), comforters (Job 2:11, 16:20-21), encouragers (Proverbs 27:17, 1 Thess. 5:11). The Bible is full of verses like these exhorting us in our friendships, showing us who and who not to have as friends, and outlining the many, many reasons we need others in our lives. Jesus Himself during his time on earth developed deep, rich friendships with three of His disciples, and also calls us “friend” (John 15:15). How important, then, this kind of relationship must be!

But it is hard. Even as people of God and members of local churches we fall into the same rut as Baker – overscheduled, overworked, and lonely. I encourage you to make the time. Find the regular, standing appointment. Fellowship with the men in your church. Don’t be afraid of the awkwardness or effort it takes to do this. Modern research is showing us what God has told us all along: It is not good for man to be alone.

For more resources on Christian friendship, I recommend The Company We Keep by Jonathan Holmes or The Friendship Factor by Alan McGinnis. Or just get started by picking up your phone and dialing a friend.

Thanks to my Executive Assistant, Sarah Perez, for her contribution to this article.

Blogs

Why Evangelism Requires Both Logic and Loveliness | Holly Ordway, Christianity Today
“The classic rational arguments for Christian faith—based on evidence, philosophy, and history—are as sound as ever, but they are effective only when people are interested in the questions and find our words and ideas meaningful. Today, we cannot count on our listeners to be either interested or informed. Here, we see the need for a new approach—or rather, the return to an older, more integrated approach to apologetics that engages the whole human person. Many contemporary apologists—myself included—look to both reason and imagination to help us lead people to know about, follow, and love our Lord Jesus Christ.”

Seven Dangers in the Last Few Years of Your Ministry | ThomRainer.com
“To be clear, I want to avoid seven dangers in my last years of ministry. And I know I can succumb to any and all of these dangers without His strength, His mercy, and His plan.”

The Banner of Truth Trust Turns 60 Years Old | TGC
“Iain Murray is 86 years old. Sixty years ago today, along with Jack Cullum and Sidney Norton, officially founded Banner of Truth, the Reformed-evangelical publisher that began out of Westminster Chapel in London in 1957.”

Go Ahead Leaders, Take That Vacation | Michael Hyatt
Michael Hyatt gives us 7 strategies to optimize time off and come back refreshed.

Control Your Sexuality | Tim Challies
“Stop masturbating. Is that too blunt? I don’t think it is. I think men need to hear it. Whether you’re single or married, just stop. Masturbation is self-love. It runs entirely counter to the heart of our Savior, who ‘came not to be served but to serve’ (Mark 10:45). It is counterfeit and fraudulent sexuality. Because it involves no woman, it is more properly a form of homosexuality than heterosexuality. It’s immature, it’s a misuse of God’s gift, it’s just plain dumb. You ought to be ashamed and embarrassed by it. So cut it out already and show some self-control.”

Are Video Games Keeping Young Men Out of the Work Force? | Alex Chediak, The Stream
“Screen time for young men without college degrees has more than doubled from the period 2004-2007 to the period 2011-2014. Unemployed young men now spend 2 to 3 times as many hours in front of a screen, compared to those who have jobs. More to the point, the percentage of screen time devoted to computer games has increased. Video games aren’t just sucking more time, they’re increasingly preferred over blogs, streamed videos and Facebook.”

New Books

The Porn Myth: Exposing the Reality Behind the Fantasy of Pornography by Matt Fradd

Westminster Confession of Faith: Journal Edition

Honoring the Elderly: A Christian’s Duty to Aging Parents by Rev. Brian L. De Jong

Kindle Deals

For your non-Kindle book buying needs please consider using Reformation Heritage Books in the USA and Reformed Book Services in Canada. Good value prices and shipping.

Walking with God in the Season of Motherhood: An Eleven-Week Devotional Bible Study by Melissa Kruger ($4.99)

Humble Roots: How Humility Grounds and Nourishes Your Soul by Hannah Anderson ($0.99)

Saving Leonardo: A Call to Resist the Secular Assault on Mind, Morals, and Meaning by Nancy Pearcey ($2.99)

The Pastor’s Wife: Strengthened by Grace for a Life of Love by Gloria Furman ($2.99)

Most success comes after many fails. For example:

• Angry Birds, the best-selling Apple App was software maker Rovio’s 52nd attempt at successful software in 8 almost-bankrupt years.
• James Dyson failed in 5,126 prototypes before perfecting his revolutionary vacuum cleaner.
• WD40 lubricant got its name because the first 39 experiments failed. WD-40 literally stands for “Water Displacement–40th Attempt.

The basic difference between successful people and the rest of us is that they’ve learned to fail well. They humbly embrace their mistakes, use them as opportunities to learn, and persevere until each shot got them nearer the bullseye.

• Apple founder Steve Jobs ascribes his success to reevaluating his life after three setbacks: dropping out of college, being fired from the company he founded, and being diagnosed with cancer.
• Michael Jordan said: “I have failed over and over and over again, and that is why I succeed.”
• The American chess master Bruce Pandolfini, who trains many young chess players, said: “At the beginning, you lose – a lot. The kids who are going to succeed are the ones who learn to stand it. A lot of young players find losing so devastating they never adapt, never learn to metabolize that failure and to not take it personally. But good players lose and then put the game behind them emotionally.”
• Philip Schultz wrote a book of poems about his writing failures. Entitled, Failure, it won a Pulitzer prize!

If we have learned to fail well:

• We will have realistic expectations of ourselves and our work.
• We will not soar too high on success, and we will not sink too deeply upon a setback.
• We will not resent or envy the “success” of others, nor will we get caught up in trying to imitate them.
• We will diligently and patiently labor in our vocations, gradually developing our talents and skills for God’s glory and the good of others.
• We will confess our failures, seek our Lord’s forgiveness, and pray for His re-directing guidance.
• We will emerge from our failures humbler and weaker, but wiser and happier too.
• Eventually, we will see how God can transform our ugly failures into something profitable and even beautiful.

As the Apostle Peter might say: “Sometimes, failure is the best thing that can happen to us.”

Blogs

Well, as usual, I didn’t get as much done as I hoped to during my “blog vacation.” Shona says my epitaph should be: “That took longer than I expected.” I’m way too optimistic about my DIY abilities. Anyway, normal service is now being resumed.

A High View of Marriage Includes Divorce
“Evangelical and confessional churches are striving to maintain a high view of marriage in a culture that is ripping the institution to shreds. So extra-biblical barriers to divorce can be well-meant. They try to protect marriage by doing everything possible to avoid divorce. In doing so, they not only fail to keep a high view of marriage. They also spread lies about the gospel, divorce, the value of people, the character of God, and the nature of sexual sin.”

An Open Letter to Husbands who Abuse Their Wives

Dear Abuser…

I want to make it clear that if you want to invoke Bible verses to control and manipulate your wife, the Bible is against you.

If you harm your wife physically, sexually, emotionally, or materially, Jesus stands against you.

To hide behind the Bible in order to justify how you treat your wife is vile. Justifying your attitudes and actions with the Bible is like blaming the cook book for the food poisoning you caused when you cooked a meal with putrid meat. The issue isn’t with the book, but what you brought out of your fridge.

You are destroying your family, dishonouring God, and deceiving yourself.

The Average Sermon Length of These 10 Well Known Pastors
“We did a little research of our own to discover just how long the most watched preachers in America preach. You might be surprised by the results. We certainly were.”

Fasting 101
“Fasting is a lost art in pursuit of the spiritual disciplines and one that seems quite distant from everyday life in modern western culture. However, when we look to Scripture there is an expectation that believers would fast as a part of the Christian life (Matt. 6:16; 9:15). So, before you dismiss this practice as only for Tibetan monks…let’s explore a few of the “whys and hows” of fasting so that we might enrich our spiritual development and the lives of those whom we walk alongside.”

Hope When Your Children Stray
“Today when I’m counseling the parents of a rebellious child, here are five things I tell them: ”

If you’re watching “Game of Thrones,” you’re watching porn.
“If you think you can somehow filter out the porn and only take in the art, you are deceived and double-minded as well.  Porn does what porn does: as soon as it enters the scene, it removes all dignity and humanity.  All that is left is body parts and the consuming of other humans.  You can’t keep someone’s dignity once you have already devoured it.  You don’t get porn and human dignity; you get porn or human dignity.”

Why Did Jesus Need the Holy Spirit?
“John Owen set out eleven ways in which the Holy Spirit is said to have worked in the life and ministry of Jesus in the Scriptures:”

Losing your voice: 4 ways pastors lose pulpits
1. Burn out
2. Rust out
3. Kicked out
4. Fall out

Your Smartphone Costs A Lot More Than You Think It Does
“Maybe it is called a smartphone because it sucks the brains out of otherwise-creative and intelligent creatures. Sayonara, so-called smartphone! Onward I shall go, towards living a quiet, productive, God-honoring life.”

Kindle Books

The Imperfect Pastor: Discovering Joy in Our Limitations through a Daily Apprenticeship with Jesus by Zach Eswine $4.99.

The Pastor’s Justification: Applying the Work of Christ in Your Life and Ministry by Jared Wilson $2.99.

The Pastor and Counseling: The Basics of Shepherding Members in Need by Jeremy Pierre and Deepak Reju $3.99.

God and Stephen Hawking: Whose Design Is It Anyway? by John Lennox $3.53.