This post is from my assistant, Sarah Perez, who was recommended to me by EA Help. She has been working with me for over a year and a half, helping me with research, appointments, travel arrangements, blog maintenance, etc. Sarah works from home (in California) and has two young children, ages 3 1/2 and 9 months. The She Shed article sparked a conversation between us, and I asked her to write about how she has learned to manage a beneficial routine with her children, how she has incorporated time for the children to play by themselves, helping her to maintain good mental and emotional health.
After David wrote in The She Shed about how his kids had a set aside time to play alone each day, I asked him, “Have you heard of Baby Wise?”
Baby Wise is a book written by Gary Ezzo and pediatrician Dr. Robert Bucknam (some of you may know of Ezzo from the Growing Kids God’s Way curriculum). The book offers a method of caring for your babies and young children that involves establishing regular routines to ensure your baby is sleeping well, eating well, and playing well. Throughout my time as David’s assistant, I’ve become very familiar with his work and had laughed to myself before about how similar his material on adult self-care reminds me of the baby-care outlined in Baby Wise! I’m here today to offer the moms in David’s readership a brief summary.
A Baby Wise Summary
The core of Baby Wise is the routine, and the authors point especially to the benefits of proper sleep habits. When your child is a newborn, you begin by establishing a regular routine of Eat-Wake-Sleep. Some babies will fall into this very naturally and others will never look exactly textbook, but the routine itself remains valuable. Just as your preschooler or 3rd grader thrives on the routine her teacher has in place at school, your baby will thrive on the routine you establish at home.
The authors call this routine “parent-directed.” This is in contrast to being completely child-led or completely clock-led. Parent-directed falls in the middle – the parent takes into account both clock time and the child’s current needs to make an informed decision on what needs to be done. When the routine is established, it truly takes out a lot of guess work when your baby starts fussing. You know when he’ll probably be hungry, sleepy, or when he might just need a change of scenery. Likewise, when the basics are consistently covered, it will be easier to tell when something is truly wrong. As the baby gets older, the routine will transition seamlessly to appropriate set times for feeding and sleeping. Having consistency in place can bring security and confidence for both Mom and Baby.
In terms of your self care, the routine ensures you will have pockets of time you can use to recharge. Kids are kids — there are always going to be surprises, but you will know with reasonable certainty what time things are going to happen each day. You can schedule appointments, manage the household, carve out quiet time with God, and above all, simply minimize the craziness!
The routine becomes even more valuable with multiple children. The older children are more flexible, and with a little pre-planning, you can match things up so that everybody is in sync. For me, this means that (among other things) I can schedule video meetings with David and be relatively certain we won’t be disturbed.
Solo Playtime
When managing your child’s day, the Baby Wise series suggests adding in Independent Playtime, just like David talked about in “The She Shed.” I learned most about Independent Playtime from this Baby Wise blog, and it became something I implemented early on with both children. In my family, we call it “Solo Playtime” because that’s a lot easier for a young child to say.
Just as it is good for adults to have some time alone each day, it’s good for children, too. When your child has solo playtime, it gives her a chance to learn how to entertain herself, to exercise independence, to use creativity, and to develop her attention span. Furthermore, for introverted children, this is a necessary time to recharge! For you, it is another pocket of time when you can take care of yourself, your home, or read your favorite book.
You can truly start this practice as early as you want. For a young baby, this is simply giving the baby a few minutes each day on the play mat in which you are out of his line of sight. If the baby is not your first child, this is probably happening anyway! If needed, you can even put the mat in the playpen and walk away.
If you have never established Solo Playtime with your child, I suggest starting with about 15 minutes and growing from there (maybe even less for the very young). Be sure your expectations are realistic. You can’t expect a 9 month old to handle an hour at a time, but you can expect that of a child. I suggest finding a regular time in the day’s routine when your child is well-rested and well-fed. And, it should go without saying, but make sure the space is safe — babies in a playpen or crib with a few safe toys, children in a thoroughly child-proofed room. Use a baby monitor if needed to hear what’s going on.
I like to use a timer on my phone to set a clear boundary for solo playtime. My 3 1/2 year old daughter plays alone in her room for about 45 minutes each day (although after reading David’s article, I think I might try a whole hour!) and when the timer goes off, she knows she can come out. She loves getting to press the button to start and stop the timer, and by keeping it with me on my phone, I can adjust the time up or down as needed.
If you are interested in learning more about Baby Wise, you can buy the book here or check out this blog. A word of caution — when you embark on routine setting for your family and children, it is easy to get obsessive, especially if you’re the type of personality that already thrives on structure and routine. Remember that the purpose is to minimize the craziness, not add to it! Pray for wisdom, flexibility, and peace. Work with your kids’ natural tendencies, not against them. And remember that more than any other worldly advice, as wise as it may be, follow first the Good Shepherd who gently leads along the mother sheep with their young (Isaiah 40:11).
