David Murray - Leadership for Servants
Tag Archive - Ministry

Compassion Fatigue

Apr 30, 2012 • By David Murray • 3 Comments

Ever heard of “compassion fatigue”? Neither had I…until very recently. But now that I know about it, I have definitely experienced it. Probably you have too, especially if you’re involved in ministry or caregiving.

Compassion fatigue is a condition characterized by a gradual lessening of compassion over time. Common among caregivers, it was first diagnosed in nurses in the 1950s.

Sufferers can exhibit several symptoms including hopelessness, a decrease in experiences of pleasure, constant stress and anxiety, and a pervasive negative attitude. Detrimental effects include decrease in productivity, inability to focus, and development of new feelings of incompetency and self doubt.

Media Saturation
Some argue that the media shares a large part of the blame for the current prevalence of compassion fatigue “by saturating newspapers and news shows with tragic stories and images of suffering, causing the public to become cynical, or become resistant to helping people who are suffering.” In extreme cases it can lead to such a hardening of the heart that carers turn into abusers.

Contrary to what you might think, it’s the most sensitive and sympathetic who are most likely to suffer from this. Charles R. Figley, co-author of Compassion Fatigue:

There is a cost to caring. Professionals who listen to clients’ stories of fear, pain, and suffering may feel similar fear, pain, and suffering because they care. Those who have enormous capacity for feeling and expressing empathy tend to be more at risk of compassion stress.

And yes, there’s a website. At the Compassion Fatigue Awareness Project, you can even take a Compassion Fatigue Self-Test! Apart from education and raising self-awareness, the path to wellness includes the old faithfuls of exercise, eating healthy foods, drinking plenty water, just say no, being proactive instead of reactive, friends, etc.

Christ’s Compassion
But I’d like to add another remedy, and that’s the consideration and experience of Christ’s compassion. “He took our infirmities and bare our sicknesses” (Matt. 8:17). That does not mean that He suffered all the weaknesses and sicknesses that we endure. It does mean that he felt them as if He endured them. That’s what compassion is, isn’t it. It’s an ability to enter into another person’s life and to so imagine the agony of their suffering that we feel the pain ourselves.

Jesus was able to enter every painful situation – leprosy, blindness, deafness, bereavement, etc – and feel it as if he was the leper, as if he he was blind, deaf, bereaved, etc. In fact with his perfect human sensitivity, he was able to feel the pain of these conditions even more excruciatingly than the actual sufferers themselves!

No one was surrounded by so many sick and sorrowful people as Jesus, as hundreds and thousands and tens of thousands were brought to him for healing. Yet he never once suffered from compassion fatigue.

Did it exhaust Him? Of course it did. He was so shattered at times that He needed to withdraw and recharge his batteries. However, though tired out by compassion, He never tired of compassion. Though it exhausted Him, He never stopped experiencing it. If anyone ever felt the cost of caring, He did; yet He continued to pay the price even when the objects of His compassion returned the favor with cruel ingratitude.

Pastors, caregivers, sensitive souls, bring your compassion fatigue to the ever- and always-compassionate Christ. Envelop yourselves in His refreshing care, recharge your batteries by connecting to His tender love, and resensitize your hearts with His kind grace.

The Truth Dresses Down

Apr 27, 2012 • By David Murray • 3 Comments

I have found that one of the most effective [research] methods is to visit consumers in the comfort and privacy of their own homes. I’ve learned that it offers a glimpse of a quite different people than I would see if I’d had them come into an interview room and viewed their behavior from a more formal setting.

The conclusion of market researcher and author of Brandwashed, Martin Lindstrom, after turning up one hour too early to interview a woman and finding her bleery-eyed, bath-robed, and bed-haired.

Realizing there was no way back, the woman invited Lindstrom in, and proceeded with the interview. But…

As we settled into her living room to chat, I noticed a dramatic difference between this and my previous interviews. She was startlingly honest from the beginning. There was no beating around the bush, no dressing up the truth. Of course, there were no shoes or makeup either. Whatever she said came across as totally honest and completely authentic.

You are what you wear
As Lindstrom compared this experience with other interviews he concluded that the honesty of the interview was linked to the honesty of the “make-up” and the clothes. And, yes, psychologists have a name for this: it’s called “enclothed cognition,” and it refers to the influence clothes have on the psychological processes of the wearer.

In some ways, this is not rocket science. Give someone a clipboard and they’re suddenly Einstein; make a man a Security Guard and he becomes the Gestapo; put your wife in a new dress and she’s immediately a super model (OK, I’m definitely going to get into trouble for that one). But still, the science of it is fascinating. Dr. Adam D. Galinsky led a study into the effects of clothing on cognitive processes:

He randomly assigned 74 students with one of three tasks–wearing a doctor’s coat, wearing a painter’s coat, or simply looking at a doctor’s coat. They were subsequently tested for the amount of attention they paid to the task. They were shown two very similar images on the same screen, and they were asked to quickly jot down four minor differences. Those wearing the doctor’s coat (incidentally exactly the same as the painter’s coat) found more differences indicating heightened attention.

Two Takeaways
Fairly sure I’m not going to follow Lindstrom’s new habit of showing up one hour early for pastoral visits! But it should make us re-think how we dress and the impact it makes both on the role we assume and the role others take on in response.

It should also cause a major re-think about the increasing move away from home visitation to pastors’ and counselors’ offices. It’s certainly more time-efficient for the pastor, but probably less effective, at least if our objective is transparency, honesty, and authenticity.

You can read Martin Lindstrom’s article here.

Do I have a parrot on my shoulder?

Apr 16, 2012 • By David Murray • 3 Comments

In last week’s post about meeting a “celebrity” pastor, I mentioned the demeaning experience of speaking to someone who seems to have more interest in our shoulder than our eyes. Did a parrot land there when I wasn’t looking?


Eventually, painfully, you realize that your “conversational partner” is simply looking over your shoulder for someone more interesting or important to talk to! Ouch!!

Quite a few of you identified with this heart-sinking, ego-shrinking  feeling, and even suggested that pastors were some of the worst culprits!

Being fully present
Some of this pastoral “over-the-shoulder” conversation is understandable. Post-preaching, we often have people waiting to chat, ask questions, etc. There are others with acute needs that we want to talk to. Then there are visitors that we want to welcome and say a few words to. It’s very tempting to keep looking beyond the person before us, to make sure that we don’t miss anyone.

However, in a recent Fastcompany article on conversational distractions, Olivia Cabane argued that if we want to leave a deep impression on people (she calls it being “charismatic”) we must try harder to stop our minds from wandering while one-on-one:

Charismatic behavior can be broken down into three core elements: presence, power, and warmth. These elements depend both on our conscious behaviors and on factors we don’t consciously control. People pick up on messages we often don’t even realize we’re sending through small changes in our body language.

In order to be charismatic, we need to choose mental states that make our body language, words, and behaviors flow together and express the three core elements of charisma. And presence is the foundation for everything else.

We may think that people don’t notice our slightly delayed reactions or distant looks but body-language scientists tell us micro-facial expressions still appear, and even if they’re as short as 17-32 milliseconds, people detect them.

So, we cannot fake presence; what’s in our minds shows on our faces. Some of us have wives that can detect our “distance” in much less than 17 milliseconds! “Helllooo, David. Anybody in there?”

Although, Olivia says that presence “is a learnable skill that can be improved with practice and patience,” her proposed method seems a bit weird to me.

Three ideas
Here are my ideas. First, love the person in front of you rather than the one behind them. This person has a soul, a valuable soul, a needy soul, a soul that we must give an account for to God. Let’s love them with all our hearts (and both of our eyes) for these few minutes.

Second, trust God’s sovereignty. God put this particular person in your way for a reason; find out the reason. Also, trust God with the people passing by; if God means you to talk with them, then He will make it happen. Better one or two worthwhile conversations than lots of smalltalk.

Third, develop an ability to gently end a conversation after a reasonable period of time. Sometimes offering to briefly pray with a person can provide a natural stop-point. Or offer to phone or visit soon and talk further. Or ask an elder to “rescue” you if he sees anyone dominating your time.

Any other suggestions?

I met a “celebrity” pastor yesterday

Apr 12, 2012 • By David Murray • 34 Comments

I met a “celebrity” pastor at T4G yesterday.

I can confidently report that he was normal.

In fact, he was more normal than many “normal” pastors I’ve met. He was warm, friendly, engaged in our conversation, didn’t try to get away after the initial pleasantries, and wasn’t continually looking over my shoulder for someone more interesting or important to talk to. And I have to say that most of the well-known pastors and preachers I’ve met have been similar.

The problem is often with those who surround these men. In my experience, it’s often the gatekeepers, the hangers-on, the media, PR & marketing guys, the organizers, the administrators, the “friends,” etc., that create the impression of superiority, aloofness, arrogance, and disinterest in lesser mortals.

I’ve met a good number of them too, and though there are some happy exceptions, I’m afraid that they often give their masters and “friends” a bad name. When no one else is around, they might give you the time of day, but meet them in a crowd and you’re suddenly invisible. Or if you are talking to them in a crowd, you wonder if you have a parrot on your shoulder!

Past too much like the present
Before I was converted, I’m afraid that I was a regular sampler of Glasgow’s nightlife. I used to go to clubs that were attended by the top Scottish soccer players (the equivalent of your ARod, Tom Brady, etc). Because of their large “retinues” you wouldn’t normally get near to talk to them – unless you met in the restroom. I “bumped” into quite a few of them there over the years and usually found them friendly, decent, down-to-earth, etc. Just like the few “celebrity” pastors I’ve met.

But again, it was their retinue, the guys basking in reflected glory, the entourage, the guys that probably could hardly kick a ball, that by their attitudes and actions usually caused the public perception of these “stars” arrogance and superiority.

(Mis)representatives
So, to the celebrity pastors, I would say, you may be the humblest, godliest, and most decent pastor in the world; but if you have bumptious, pretentious, person-respecting staff and (mis)representatives, don’t be surprised if people who don’t know you think that you are just like them. I would prescribe them a daily dose of James 2v1-4 and maybe some regular time at Calvary.

To the entourage, the “friends,” I would say, go pastor a church yourself for a few years (rather than by proxy), and you might then stop to talk to some “ordinary” pastors at the next T4G.

The Word of God reveals the human heart. So do large conferences.

The dirty little secret of overnight success

Apr 10, 2012 • By David Murray • 3 Comments

Do you want to know what it is? The secret is that there is no secret. As Fastcompany recently pointed out, overnight success is extremely rare.

  • Angry Birds, the best-selling Apple App was software maker Rovio’s 52nd attempt at successful software in 8 almost-bankrupt years.
  • James Dyson failed in 5,126 prototypes before perfecting his revolutionary vacuum cleaner.
  • Before Oprah was Oprah, before Jobs was Jobs, they were labeled as misguided dreamers rather than future captains of industry.
  • WD40 lubricant got its name because the first 39 experiments failed. WD-40 literally stands for “Water Displacement–40th Attempt.


The basic difference between successful people and the rest of us is that they’ve learned to fail well. They humbly embrace their mistakes, use them as opportunities to learn, and persevere until each shot got them nearer the bullseye.

  • Apple founder Steve Jobs ascribes his present success to reevaluating his life after three setbacks: dropping out of college, being fired from the company he founded, and being diagnosed with cancer.
  • J.K. Rowling lost her marriage, parental approval and most of her money. But then, with nothing left to lose, she turned to her first love – writing. “Failure stripped away everything inessential,” she said. “It taught me things about myself I could have learned no other way.”
  • Michael Jordan said: “I have failed over and over and over again, and that is why I succeed.
  • The American chess master Bruce Pandolfini, who trains many young chess players, said: “At the beginning, you lose – a lot. The kids who are going to succeed are the ones who learn to stand it. A lot of young players find losing so devastating they never adapt, never learn to metabolize that failure and to not take it personally. But good players lose and then put the game behind them emotionally.”
  • Philip Schultz wrote a book of poems about his writing failures. Entitled, Failure, it won a Pulitzer prize!

If we have learned to fail well:

  • We will have realistic expectations of ourselves and our work.
  • We will not soar too high on success, and we will not sink too deeply upon a setback.
  • We will not resent or envy the “success” of others, nor will we get caught up in trying to imitate them.
  • We will diligently and patiently labour in our vocations, gradually developing our talents and skills for God’s glory and the good of others.
  • We will confess our failures, seek our Lord’s forgiveness, and pray for His re-directing guidance.
  • We will emerge from our failures humbler and weaker, but wiser and happier too.
  • Eventually we will see how God can transform our ugly failures into something profitable and even beautiful.

As the Apostle Peter might say: “Sometimes, failure is the best thing that can happen to us.”

Can you enjoy ministry too much?

Mar 28, 2012 • By David Murray • 2 Comments

In yesterday’s post on workaholism I mentioned five possible causes of this addiction:

  • Idolatry: the worship of work
  • Greed: pursuit of material rewards
  • Escapism: avoidance of less pleasant responsibilities
  • Identity: defining oneself by one’s work
  • Unbelief: distrusting God’s provision

Another reason crossed my mind today: enjoyment. And I think that’s often what drives many workaholic pastors – our work is so enjoyable, It’s not that way all the time, of course, but often we can find so much satisfaction and happiness in what we do.

An easy problem
It’s hard to be a workaholic if we hate our work. But if we love it, if we bounce out of bed most mornings, if we can’t wait to get into the study and then into the pulpit to share what we have studied, if we enjoy being with the sheep God has blessed us with, if we see God’s Word converting sinners and edifying God’s people, then overwork is going to be a much more easy problem to fall into.

In fact, sometimes the ministry is so enjoyable that it hardly feels like work at all.

So that’s OK then. If you love your work, and it’s good work like the ministry, then it doesn’t matter how many hours a week you put into it, does it? Enjoyment makes everything just fine!

No, it doesn’t. God gives us many good things to enjoy in this life – friends, hobbies, sport, music, etc. – but we must exercise self-denial lest these good and legitimate things become too prominent and too important in our lives.

Difficult self-denial
The same goes for our work, even for ministry work. At times self-denial will require us to clock off early and play football with the kids, or take a day off to help our wife paint the kitchen. It may not be so enjoyable as the books, but sometimes tidying the garage or washing the car is more pleasing to God than perfecting the next sermon.

If the main driver of our ministries is personal pleasure, to the detriment of our bodies, family relationships, and other responsibilities, are we that much different from the drug-addict?

5 types of work that fill your day

Mar 15, 2012 • By David Murray • 0 Comments

One of the most enjoyable assignments (at least for me) that I set my students in our Leadership class is to get them to fill out a “Ministry Timetable.” Basically I ask them to imagine an ideal week in ministry and present it to the class in a one-page spreadsheet. It’s especially fascinating because we have such a wide range of cultures in our class – from North America, Africa, Asia, Europe, etc. Quite a lot of stereotype-smashing takes place!

It’s also quite amusing to watch the faces of students as they realize they’ve left themselves only four hours sleep a night, or that they’ve forgotten they have a wife and children, or that they might need to eat from time to time!

And then there’s the fear that begins to spread across their faces when it begins to dawn on them that much though they’d love to spend 30 hours on every sermon, it’s probably going to be closer to 10! And what happened to all that personal reading time that they were looking forward to? It’s been mercilessly swallowed up by administration, meetings, and more meetings.

And of course, like the best war plans, even the most realistic ministry timetable doesn’t survive the first encounter on the battlefield of pastoral ministry. Nevertheless, it’s still worthwhile for pastors (indeed all of us) to analyze our working days from time to time and ask ourselves if we are allocating time correctly. Scott Belsky recently did this and identified five different kinds of work that fill his day.

  1. Reactionary Work: Responding to messages and requests – emails, text messages, Facebook messages, tweets, voicemails, and the list goes on. You are constantly reacting to what comes into you rather than being proactive in what matters most to you.
  2. Planning Work: Planning Work includes the time spent, scheduling and prioritizing your time, developing your systems for running meetings, and refining your systems for working.
  3. Procedural Work: Neither reactionary nor strategic, procedural work is the administrative/maintenance stuff that we do just to keep afloat: bills, tax returns, recurring items.
  4. Insecurity Work: Includes the stuff we do out of our own insecurities – obsessively looking at certain statistics, or repeatedly checking what people are saying about you online, etc.
  5. Problem-Solving Work: (I’d rather call this Creative Work). This is the work that requires our full brainpower and focus, whether it be preparing a sermon, writing an article, posting a blog, etc.

Scott then goes on to give hints on how to audit your work day and how to manage each type of work best. His most telling admission is probably true for most pastors as well – that the majority of each day goes into Reactionary Work.

What other kinds of work should a pastor have in his day? I can think of quite a few.

Any that should not be part of our work day? I can see a very obvious one.

A Divine Invitation to Pastoral Rest

Feb 10, 2012 • By David Murray • 1 Comment

Pastor Greg Lubbers, a graduate of Puritan Reformed Seminary, preached a wonderful Chapel message for us yesterday on a theme that has become very dear to my own heart. I’d love for every over-worked Pastor to hear and obey this precious and gracious invitation.

Just the day before listening to this, my wife pointed me to a passage in Anthony Selvaggio’s excellent book, A Proverbs Driven Life. He argues that the sins of sloth and workaholism are very similar sins, both resulting from pride, self-centeredness, and idolatry.

Today, I believe Christians are actually more likely to become workaholics than they are sluggards, simply because the idolatry of workaholism is more socially respectable. In fact, it is so widely praised that many Christians don’t even consider it a sin! As a pastor, I certainly became a workaholic . . . and my idolatry won me praise! People often commended me for my ability to multi-task and get things done. I often allowed the boundaries between work and rest to be blurred. There were so many “good things” to do with my time: preach, teach, counsel, discipline, go to the soccer games and plays of the children in my congregation, teach at seminary, teach at college, speak at conferences and write books. In serving “24/7,” I was trying to build God’s house without his help by shouldering all the responsibilities for his church myself.

In the final analysis, we can stop working and rest because God is sovereign. He is in control, not us. If we are not pursuing his priorities—which include rest as well as a broad range of responsibilities—our efforts will ultimately be futile, no matter how hard we work. But as we embrace a balanced life that includes work, rest, and proper attention to all our responsibilities, he will provide all we need to accomplish his will.

It’s extremely liberating to recognize that God gives us enough time to finish everything to which he has actually called us. Here are some of those things: devotional time with God; relationships and service in your  family, church, and community; and matters of stewardship over your material goods. If any of these areas are suffering because of the amount of time you spend doing other things, take a close look. Perhaps you are becoming—or became long ago—a workaholic, an idolater who has foolishly dethroned God by believing that his ways, so plainly presented in Scripture, are inferior to your own.

Both Sins the Same
The sin of the sluggard is serious, but so is that of the workaholic. In fact, they are very similar sins. The man or woman who builds all of life around work is every bit as proud and self-centered as the sluggard. At either extreme we worship an idol called “Doing it My Way.” Perhaps the Bible spends a lot more time on sluggards and a lot less on anything we would call “workaholism” because the workaholic is really just a variety of sluggard by another name. Both are interested in avoiding responsibilities that don’t interest them. The workaholic simply avoids things by a different technique—crowding them out of his calendar. And where the sluggard is sure to suffer economic loss, the workaholic suffers losses that are often more relational than monetary, but nevertheless real, lasting, and painful.

Work, whatever form it may take, is a core activity of each of our lives, taking up most of our waking moments. What a tragedy to despise it like the sluggard, and live for those times when we are not doing it. to worship it like the workaholic, as we strive to deify ourselves in our little kingdom; a tiny god over a tiny world, as if we had created that world ourselves, or sustain it ourselves, or even understand its true workings.

A Proverbs Driven Life by Anthony Selvaggio.

Pastoral Ministry Course

Jan 6, 2012 • By David Murray • 2 Comments

Here are links to the audio and handouts of the pastoral ministry course I taught at PRTS last semester. I took a biographical approach to the subject, by giving a maxim for ministry followed by a quote or paragraph from a pastoral biography (and sometimes a pastoral theology book) to illustrate or demonstrate the point. I’m grateful to previous students for some of the research work presented in these lectures. And thanks also to our young summer interns, Constance and Lucy, who did much of the typing.

Quite a few other pastoral subjects were covered in handouts or by links to other articles and audio.

The student handouts below include the quote from the biography, but the maxims have to be filled out as the lecture is followed (well I’ve got to keep them awake somehow!)

As I had not intended making these notes public, the handouts do not contain standard footnotes for each quote. However, if you want to track down each quote, you should be able to do so by using the code at the end of each quote together with this key. In other words if the code is (2/34) then you look up book 2 on the list and you’ll find the quote on page 24. Some of these references need to be double checked (especially the ones marked in red), and nothing has been proof-read (caveat emptor).

I’ve tried to cut out classroom discussion from the audio as much as possible so that listeners are not straining to hear distant voices.

The Pastor’s Preparation
Quotes
Audio

The Pastor’s Qualification
Quotes
Audio

The Pastor’s Call: To the Ministry
Quotes
Audio

The Pastor’s Call: To first congregation
Quotes
Audio

The Pastor’s Call: To another congregation
Quotes
Audio

The Pastor’s Training
Quotes
Audio

The Pastor’s Heart
Quotes
Audio 1     Audio 2     Audio 3

The Pastor’s Family
Covered by another lecturer, but here’s a handout with some gleanings from the biographies.

The Pastor’s Study
Quotes
Audio 1     Audio 2

The Pastor’s Preaching
Quotes
Audio 1     Audio 2     Audio 3     Audio 4

The Pastor’s Visiting
Quotes
Audio 1     Audio 2

The Pastor’s Relationships
Quotes
Audio 1     Audio 2     Audio 3

The Pastor’s Suffering
Quotes
Audio

The Pastor’s Satisfaction
Ran out of time!

Key to the books

Wilderness University

Dec 15, 2011 • By David Murray • 6 Comments

I’ve been reading through Steve Jobs’ biography with considerable disappointment. Not because it’s not a good read; it’s a superbly written and entertaining book. No, my disappointment, even shock, has been in discovering what a horrible character Jobs was in his early career. How could such an ugly character produce so much beauty? But then I remembered a post I wrote a long while back about the the life- and character-transforming “university” we both attended later in life. 

May 1985.

Apple’s mountain of unsold inventory was growing along with its debts. Sales were declining and losses were looming. Apple’s co-founder Steve Jobs was “relieved of operating responsibilities,” and a few months later he resigned from the chairman’s post to start a new computer company called NeXT.

What came next for Jobs was the unexpected – 12 years in the corporate wilderness. 12 years of painful, dispiriting, humiliating, stressful failure. His vision was to build a high-powered personal mainframe computer for students. He was advised to keep the price under $2000, but ended up going to market with an underpowered computer carrying a $6500 price tag. For students! The printer alone was another $2000.

When students didn’t bite, Jobs started selling to businesses and fared little better. He eventually got out of manufacturing and tried to make NeXT’s software profitable. His main customer was Apple R&D, who eventually took over the company when Jobs returned to Apple in 1997.

And what a return it was! Apple’s business model was rotten and fermenting. Fruitful it was not. But Jobs’ return turned Apple around and the rest, as they say is history (and billions of dollars).

What changed? All who know Jobs agree that the wilderness years transformed him:

“It’s hard to see how anything like that would have transpired. The Steve Jobs who returned to Apple was a much more capable leader — precisely because he had been badly banged up. He had spent 12 tumultuous, painful years failing to find a way to make the new company profitable” (Randall Stross, Professor of Business at San Jose University).

“I am convinced that he would not have been as successful after his return at Apple if he hadn’t gone through his wilderness experience at Next” (Tim Bajarin, president of Creative Strategies).

“He’s the same Steve in his passion for excellence, but a new Steve in his understanding of how to empower a large company to realize his vision” (Kevin Compton, previously senior executive at Businessland).

Among the lessons he learned were:

  • How to delegate. At NeXT he did everything, from designing the office furnishings to designing the finish on internal computer screws. He once kept Businessland executives waiting 20 minutes as he directed a landscaping crew where to place sprinkler heads.
  • How to listen to advice. Many had tried to advise and counsel Jobs, but he wouldn’t listen. Seven vice-presidents left or were “let go” from NeXT from 1992-1993.
  • How to retain, not just attract, top talent. Apple Inc. has a remarkably stable executive team.
  • Stop modeling future technology on past technology. The iPod, the iPhone, and the iPad all abandoned conventional shapes.

The idea of a life-transforming wilderness experience is nothing new to the Christian, of course. Moses, David, and even our Lord Himself went to Wilderness University. Nobody wants to study there, but God sometimes sees fit to send us there.

I spent nine months in Wilderness University in the year 2000. And I learned more there than I ever learned in Seminary. Our church had divided over moral and doctrinal matters. I was sure I had done what was right and had taken a stand for truth. Yet I ended up without a congregation and on the pastoral shelf for nine long months. I was so cast down, I even stopped preaching for a couple of months and withdrew from all church service.

Among the lessons I learned at WU:

  • No one is indispensible. God may use us for a time and then leave us out of the picture for a while as His picks up other instruments to advance his Kingdom.
  • God does not owe us anything. At the end of the day we are unprofitable servants, having done only what was required of us.
  • You can do the right things in the wrong way. Pride, self-confidence, and the desire for victory and vindication are obscene, whatever the rights and wrongs of a situation.
  • Self-pity is dangerous pity. Feeling sorry for oneself is utterly pointless, totally selfish, and spiritually catastrophic.
  • God bruises and breaks to prepare for future usefulness and fruitfulness. Without the wilderness I was nowhere near ready to pastor the flock God gave me in November 2000.

No, my return from WU was not as financially profitable for me as it was for Steve Jobs. However, I do believe it produced a huge spiritual return that continues to pay dividends to this day.

If God has you presently enrolled in one of WU’s courses, I hope you will be encouraged by the invaluable lessons you can learn there. I’ll probably be back for a refresher course some day as well!

Four destructive myths most pastors still live by

Nov 2, 2011 • By David Murray • 3 Comments

Actually Tony Schartz’s HBR headline was Four destructive myths most companies still live by. However, I think they are applicable to many church leaders too. Here’s a summary:

Myth #1: Multitasking is critical in a world of infinite demand.
This myth is based on the assumption that human beings are capable of doing two cognitive tasks at the same time. We’re not…In fact we lose 25% of our time due to the “switching time” required.

Myth #2: A little bit of anxiety helps us perform better.
The more anxious we feel, the less clearly and imaginatively we think, and the more reactive and impulsive we become. That’s not good for you, and it also has huge implications if you’re in a supervisory role.

Myth #3: Creativity is genetically inherited, and it’s impossible to teach.
Despite our deeply ingrained belief that deeply ingrained belief that creativity is mostly inborn and magical, research has proven that creativity is actually teachable and reachable for all of us.

Myth #4: The best way to get more work done is to work longer hours.
I’m not going to summarize this one but simply give it in its entirety:

No single myth is more destructive to employers and employees than this one. The reason is that we’re not designed to operate like computers — at high speeds, continuously, for long periods of time.

Instead, human beings are designed to pulse intermittently between spending and renewing energy. Great performers — and enlightened leaders — recognize that it’s not the number of hours people work that determines the value they create, but rather the energy they bring to whatever hours they work.

Rather than systematically burning down our reservoir of energy as the day wears on, as most of us do, intermittent renewal makes it possible to keep our energy steady all day long. Strategically alternating periods of intense focus with intermittent renewal, at least every 90 minutes, makes it possible to get more done, in less time, more sustainably.

Want to test the assumption? Choose the most challenging task on your agenda before you go to sleep each night over the next week. Set aside 60 to 90 minutes at the start of the following day to focus on the activity you’ve chosen.

Choose a designated start and stop time, and do your best to allow no interruptions. (It helps to turn off your email.) Succeed and it will almost surely be your most productive period of the day. When you’re done, reward yourself by taking a true renewal break.

The Must-Have Pastoral Skill

Oct 18, 2011 • By David Murray • 6 Comments

“Public speaking?” No.

“Time-management?” No.

“Theological expertise?” No.

Give up?

It’s social intelligence. Some call it “interpersonal skills” or “EQ”(Emotional Intelligence).  ”Why?”

Writing on The Must-Have Leadership Skill, at the Harvard Business Review blog, Daniel Goleman explains: “Leadership is the art of accomplishing goals through other people…Technical skills and self-mastery alone allow you to be an outstanding individual contributor. But to lead, you’ve got to listen, communicate, persuade, collaborate.”

Now Goleman is speaking specifically of business leadership, but surely this is one area where pastoral and business leadership overlap. In fact, I would argue that social intelligence is even more important in ministry than in business.

We’ve all seen clever, competent, and self-disciplined people utterly fail in pastoral ministry. They just couldn’t connect with people at even the most basic levels of simply saying hello, asking how they were, and remembering their children’s names.

But I’ve also had the joy of seeing pastors with average IQ, limited preaching ability, and so-so administrative gifts being mightily used of God to unite, grow, build, and lead their congregations over many years.

Similarly, I’ve got to know a number of leaders of non-profit Christian organizations and institutions, and they too have EQ in spades (and usually IQ too!).

In fact, it’s such a thrill to watch such Christian pastors and leaders at work among their flocks, employees, and volunteers; to watch how they connect, communicate, inspire, energize, motivate, etc., and to observe the difference they make in people’s lives with even the most minimal of passing contact.

Spotting Social Intelligence
As a teacher of seminary students, I find it’s getting easier to identify those whom the Lord is most likely to use to bless and build his church in pastoral ministry. The Lord is sovereign, of course, and can blow all our analysis and predictions out of the water, but usually He uses “ordinary” means.

So how can we spot social intelligence? Daniel Goleman asked an executive with a long track record of good hires, who not only interviews candidates but watches them in social settings too. He said:

“We’d watch carefully to see if she talks to everyone at the party or a dinner, not just the people who might be helpful to her,” he said. One of the social intelligence indicators: during a getting-to-know you conversation, does the candidate ask about the other person or engage in a self-centered monologue? At the same time, does she talk about herself in a natural way? At the end of the conversation, you should feel you know the person, not just the social self she tries to project.

Lots of pastoral crossover here too, but for prospective pastors I’d like to add:

  • Does he hang around the church lobby or car park talking to people or does he always dash off straight away?
  • Is he always talking to the same people/group, or do you see him regularly talking to different people?
  • Does he make the effort to leave church by different doors, park in different parts of the car park, etc., so that he has opportunity to meet people he would not normally have contact with?
  • If he’s in your home, does he treat your wife well, expressing appreciation for food and thanking her for hospitality? And does he take any interest in your children?
  • Do you ever see him talking to the young people, especially those who may be rebellious and may not exactly welcome his interest in them?
  • Does he initiate and build relationships with the elderly?
  • Does he turn up for working parties to clean the church, sweep the car park, paint the hall, etc?
  • Is he able to sustain a conversation with you, without leaving all the initiative to you? If you decided not to ask one other question of him, would he just sit there waiting, or would he jump in?
  • What does the Seminary secretary and other admin staff think about him?

Maybe you can suggest other questions, but let me close with this appeal from Robert Anderson in The Effective Pastor:

In the seminary in which I teach, as a part of a course in philos­ophy of ministry I regularly bring in our assistant librarian to teach a class in etiquette. Unfortunately it probably is one of the classes that is received the most poorly. I say unfortunately because it is the class that often is needed the most.

Not many of our graduates fail in the ministry because they fall prey to doctrinal errors. Numbers, howev­er, have made an improper impact on the ministry simply because they are “klutzes,” are continually making themselves offensive to people—and they will not change. Simple things—such as practicing acceptable table manners, placing a mint in their mouths when deal­ing with people in close proximity, and refraining from picking the nose, ears, or teeth in public—would give those people substantial mileage in being more acceptable to others.

If they learned a few social graces in addition and were able to remember to express grati­tude to people for every kind action no matter how small, they would be making major progress toward becoming the type of re­spectable person the Bible demands for the position of pastor. The person who basks in his crudeness and considers it a necessary part of his “macho” image probably should seek another vocation besides the pastorate.

The loner President and the loner pastor

Oct 11, 2011 • By David Murray • 6 Comments

Yesterday I dipped my toe into American politics and survived; it will probably be a while until I venture forth in that direction again. But I mentioned how many political biographies I’d read over the years – maybe a bit of an odd reading diet for a pastor and professor – and I’d like to explain why.

Partly it’s because they are so entertaining. And by that I don’t mean “funny,” but rather “enthralling…captivating…etc.” I love observing the rise and fall of powerful men and women; I admire their God-given gifts of organization, management, leadership, oratory, etc.; I tremble at their fatal flaws and mis-steps; I soar with awe at their courage and I sag with despair at their cowardice. Power is such a fascinating roller-coaster, isn’t it. As such these political bios have been a stimulating and enjoyable way to spend some of my evening hours.

I also love watching how God’s providence interacts with human affairs. Of course, rarely do the biographers or autobiographers attribute events to God, at least not the successes; but it’s so intriguing to read the same events through Bible-tinged glasses and see God’s interventions in powerful people’s lives. As Nebuchadnezzar found out, there is a King of kings and Lord of lords.

These books also give such insights into the dark depths of human nature. You see what people are prepared to do, say, and be in order to gain power, keep power, and deny power to others. You see what people do with power when they have it. I’m sure we hardly know even the half of it, but that half is bad enough. And an increasingly painful trend is the self-justification that rears its ugly head in many of the biographies. I like to see politicians, generals, etc, admit mistakes and take responsibility. But that rarely happens today. Instead it’s just page after page of self-vindication. Maybe it’s the political climate, but very few have the courage now to say, “I was wrong. I made a bad decision there.”

I have even learned many pastoral leadership lessons from these books. Of course, there are many aspects of political leadership that do not transfer to pastoral leadership, but there is some overlap, especially in the area of faults and weaknesses.

The loner President
Let me give you a recent example of this: two recent stories played the same note, though one played it with the left hand and the other with the right. Obama the loner president appeared in The Washington Post, a newspaper usually sympathetic to the President, and Aimless Obama walks alone was in the New York Post, not one of the President’s fans.

Both articles had the same theme: in the face of multiple difficult problems, President Obama withdraws from people and limits contact to a few close confidantes, spending the evenings in his office with books and his internet browser. Here’s how the (friendly) Washington Post begins its story:

Beyond the economy, the wars and the polls, President Obama has a problem: people.

This president endures with little joy the small talk and back-slapping of retail politics, rarely spends more than a few minutes on a rope line, refuses to coddle even his biggest donors. His relationship with Democrats on Capitol Hill is frosty, to be generous. Personal lobbying on behalf of legislation? He prefers to leave that to Vice President Biden, an old-school political charmer.

Obama’s circle of close advisers is as small as the cluster of personal friends that predates his presidency. There is no entourage, no Friends of Barack to explain or defend a politician who has confounded many supporters with his cool personality and penchant for compromise.

Obama is, in short, a political loner who prefers policy over the people who make politics in this country work.

And here’s the New York Post’s take:

The reports are not good, disturbing even. I have heard basically the same story four times in the last 10 days, and the people doing the talking are in New York and Washington and are spread across the political spectrum.

The gist is this: President Obama has become a lone wolf, a stranger to his own government. He talks mostly, and sometimes only, to friend and adviser Valerie Jarrett and to David Axelrod, his political strategist.

Everybody else, including members of his Cabinet, have little face time with him except for brief meetings that serve as photo ops.

The president’s workdays are said to end early, often at 4 p.m. He usually has dinner in the family residence with his wife and daughters, then retreats to a private office. One person said he takes a stack of briefing books. Others aren’t sure what he does.

If the reports are accurate, and I believe they are, they paint a picture of an isolated man trapped in a collapsing presidency.

The Washington Post identifies this “isolationism” as a character trait, whereas the New York Post sees it more as a reaction to the difficulties of his presidency. It’s probably a bit of both. And although there’s probably a bit of exaggeration going on here, it does seem to fit the generally depressed picture of the President these days.

Lessons?
So where’s the pastoral takeaway?

Well, many pastors, by nature and temperament, prefer theology to people, preaching to pastoring, quiet to socializing, books to the BBQ. Such men must daily “deny themselves” and fight against their nature in order to visit, mix, and connect with people. But they also have to be extra careful when difficulties come into their ministries that they don’t default to withdrawal, isolation, and the select company of those who agree with them.

Whatever people think of Bill Clinton’s policies and personality, he certainly had “people skills” (yes, probably too many of them); he knew how to connect policies to people. Last month he was advising Democrats on how to overcome the Republican’s anti-government message. “If you’re going to fight that,” he told a room full of engrossed former advisers, “your counter has to be rooted in the lives of other people.”

That’s where our theology must be rooted as well – in the lives of our people. Theology in the abstract, disconnected from real life, will accomplish nothing and actually put distance not only between us and our people, but also between God and our people.

Our pastorates must be rooted in lives of our people also, and never more so than when difficulties and opposition arise. So, if you’re retreating to the study and the books because of an onslaught of pastoral problems, give yourself a good kick out of the door. (Or ask your wife to do it). Mix with your friends, spend time with your elders, visit the flock, and invite your enemies to the BBQ.

Top 6 Struggles of Pastoral Ministry

Oct 6, 2011 • By David Murray • 6 Comments

Phil Monroe summarizes Michael Mackenzie’s AACC
Conference presentation on the most significant struggles in pastoral ministry

  1. Stress
  2. Burnout
  3. Marital Problems
  4. Sexual Problems (infidelity, porn, etc.)
  5. Depression
  6. Conflict (family or ministry).

The prime causes of these are:

  1. Isolation
  2. Unrealistic Expectations
  3. Poor Boundaries.

Phil wisely calls for deeper layers of these causes to be probed before listing Mark McMinn’s stress-prevention measures:

  1. Personal devotion to Christ (outside of sermon prep)
  2. Hobbies
  3. Exercise
  4. Regular time away
  5. A good marriage.

And he closes with the $64,000 question. But you’ll have to read his post to find out what that is!

In fact you’d do well to add his blog to your RSS list.

Pastoral Ministry Lectures

Sep 29, 2011 • By David Murray • 2 Comments

Here are links to the audio for the following lectures in “The Minister & His Ministry” Course.

2.3 The Pastor’s Call (to a new congregation)

3 The Pastor’s Training

4.1 The Pastor’s Heart

Links to previous lectures on the Pastors Preparation, Qualifications, and Call can be found here.

 

 

Practice church discipline

Sep 27, 2011 • By David Murray • 8 Comments

Yesterday we discussed how to prepare for church discipline. Today’s let’s take a closer look at the practice of church discipline, not so much at the procedures and rules, but the attitude and spirit with which we should go about this.

We need great love
Notice that the context for the church discipline passage in Matthew 18:15-19 is of caring for Christ’s little ones (vv. 1-10), and of the shepherd pursuing the lost sheep (vv. 11-14). We need a loving motive (to win back the brother or sister to Christ), and a loving manner – saying the right words in the right place at the right time.  If at any time we find ourselves lacking a loving motive and manner, it is time to pause and go no further as without love we will do a lot of damage. Remember, Christ says that if we offend one of His little ones, it would have been better for us to have a large millstone hung around our necks and we be cast into the sea (Matthew 18:6; c.f. v. 10).

We need great carefulness
Again I want to emphasize the need for extreme care in following the three-step biblical process (Matthew 18:15-19) and however our particular church has understood this in its own particular circumstances. The person making the complaint should first approach the offender. If that fails to result in repentance or adequate explanation, then the concerned person should ask an elder, the pastor, or a mature Christian to come with them to speak to the person. If that fails to produce the desired response, then the matter should be brought before the “church” (either the elders or the members, depending on the government of the church). [edited]

The benefits of this three-step process are that the offended person is made to ask themselves, “Is this serious enough to warrant the next step?” The accused person is made to realize the increasing gravity of the matter. And witnesses to the earlier steps are able to testify to the church courts at the later stages if required. But perhaps the greatest benefit is that it stops frivolous matters being brought before the elders, especially by those who lack the Christian love and courage to approach fellow Christians first before going public.

Of course, if the sin is public knowledge then the Matthew 18 instructions about private offenses does not necessarily apply. However, as some people whose sins are well known will still try to use non-compliance with Matthew 18 to criticize their pastor or church, it is often wise to at least try a private approach first.

We need great courage
I don’t know anyone who looks forward to church discipline. Surely most, if not all of us, have an aversion to the mental, emotional, and spiritual demands of dealing with sin in someone’s life. Most of us draw back. Some will do anything rather than deal with these situations. And often the motive is not love for the person, but fear of them, or of their family, or of the consequences in the congregation.

We need the Lord to give us courage to face sin, do something about sin, do it in the right way, persevere through the stress, effect appropriate sanctions (admonish, rebuke, censure, suspension, excommunication, etc.), and to take appropriate actions.

We need great humility
If we could be humble enough to realize that we ourselves could fall into the worst sin (Gal. 6:1), it would give a much more loving flavor to all our attitudes and actions.

We need great wisdom
I’ve never been involved in a straightforward church discipline case. They have always involved complicating factors like counter-accusations, denials, excuses, lack of evidence, etc. We need so much wisdom to know how to proceed, what questions to ask, where the truth lies, etc. How much we should be praying for the wisdom that God has promised to His perplexed people (James 1:5). Which brings us on to our next point.

We need great prayer
We often quote Matthew 18:19 about the Lord’s promised presence where two or three are gathered in His name. However, we often fail to realize that the immediate context is that of church discipline. It’s not people met in a weekly prayer meeting or worship service, but people met to exercise church discipline, and they do so with prayer and the promised presence of God’s Spirit.

We of course pray for prevention, but also for love, courage, carefulness, humility, and wisdom in all that we say and do. We need help to be perfectly and consistently just, showing neither favoritism nor prejudice.  And of course we pray for a successful outcome, where sin will be confessed and repented of, and the sinner will be encouraged and helped to a more holy and useful life again.

Prepare for Church Discipline

Sep 26, 2011 • By David Murray • 2 Comments

Prevention is better than cure, especially in the sphere of church discipline. As discipline cases can very easily consume a pastor’s time and energy, and even consume the pastor and his congregation, the prevention of church discipline should be a high pastoral priority.

And how do we do that?

We do it, first, by preaching, by regularly setting forth clear standards of Christian confession, character, and conduct in our regular preaching ministry. Our flock needs to know where the fences are, where the no-go areas are, and what to expect if they cross them.

Second, we prevent church discipline by pastoral visitation. We need to keep in close and regular contact with the sheep to gauge where they are in their walk with God. In those one-to-one situations we may detect small changes in belief, attitude, spirit or character that can be addressed before they become big and irreversible problems.

However, no matter how well we preach and pastor, no matter how much we try to prevent it, church discipline problems are going to arise. It’s therefore best to prepare the congregation, and especially the officebearers, before it arises.

Early in a a pastor’s ministry (not the first sermon, of course, but certainly within a few months) he should preach a sermon on church discipline, before he has to deal with any cases. That keeps the subject objective and avoids personalizing it. Points to make may include:

The necessity of church discipline
One Church order book puts it like this: “Any institution or society which is to function effectively must be well-ordered: it must have recognised means of correcting aberrations which threaten its integrity. This is true pre-eminently of the Church of Jesus Christ, whose witness in the world depends so intimately on the godly behavior of its members.”

The warrant for church discipline
This is not something thought up by legalistic control-freaks. Rather, it has divine warrant (Matthew 18:15-19). So important did the Reformers see church discipline that they included it as one of the marks of the church along with preaching and the sacraments.

The benefits of good church discipline
Listen to this comprehensive list of benefits from a Scottish book of Church order: “Church discipline and censures are of great use and necessity in the Church, that the name of God, by reason of ungodly and wicked persons living in the Church, be not blasphemed, nor his wrath provoked against his people; that the godly be not leavened with but preserved from the contagion, and stricken with fear; and that sinners who are to be censured may be ashamed, to the destruction of the flesh and saving of the spirit in the day of the Lord Jesus.”

The procedure for church discipline
The roolz! Don’t we just love ‘em!! Well, whether we love them or not we’d better get to know them, and get to know them fast. I know it is far more edifying and enjoyable to read the latest books from Reformation Heritage Books, but knowing the intricacies of the church’s discipline procedures could save a pastor’s ministry, and even save a soul.

As so many of the problems associated with church discipline arise from a lack of procedure, a failure to follow it, or an abuse of it, we must familiarize ourselves with the principles and the practice. If your church does not have any formal procedures, then find one that does, get their protocols, and copy or adapt their methods. Train the elders in this and also communicate to the congregation what they can expect, so that they are not taken by surprise or think that they are being unfairly treated.

Whatever we do, we must not abuse, shortcut or override the stated procedures, however tempted we are to do so. When some people are accused of sins, they train their sights on the procedures rather than their sin, and can easily turn the focus away from themselves, away from what they have done, and to what we have done or not done in the process.

The consequences of failed church discipline
If church discipline is not practiced, or if it is inconsistently or poorly practised, it can destroy a ministry, a congregation, or even a denomination. Paul says that failure to discipline can result in congregational sickness and even death (1 Corinthians 11:29-32). Jesus warns the church in Thyatira that his frown is upon them because of their failure to discipline a false teacher in their midst (Rev. 2:20-23).

The positive aim of church discipline
The ultimate aim of church discipline is not punishment but restoration (Gal. 6:1). Robert Murray McCheyne describes how he came to see the value of church discipline despite his initial reluctance to practice it.

When I first entered upon the work of the ministry among you, I was exceedingly ignorant of the vast importance of church discipline. I thought that my great and almost only work was to pray and preach. I saw your souls to be so precious, and the time so short, that I devoted all my time, and care, and strength, to labor in word and doctrine. When cases of discipline were brought before me and the elders, I regarded them with something like abhorrence. It was a duty I shrank from; and I may truly say it nearly drove me from the work of the ministry among you altogether. But it pleased God, who teaches His servants in another way than man teaches, to bless some of the cases of discipline to the manifest and undeniable conversion of the souls of those under our care; and from that hour a new light broke in upon my mind, and I saw that if preaching be an ordinance of Christ, so is church discipline. I now feel very deeply persuaded that both are of God – that two keys are committed to us by Christ: the one the key of doctrine, by means of which we unlock the treasures of the Bible; the other the key of discipline, by which we open or shut the way to the sealing ordinances of the faith. Both are Christ’s gift, and neither is to be resigned without sin.

Next?
Having prepared for Church discipline, we must also practice it, and we’ll look at that tomorrow.

Pastoral Ministry Lectures

Sep 13, 2011 • By David Murray • 4 Comments

Here are links to the audio for the first two weeks of lectures from “The Minister & His Ministry” Course

1.1 The Pastor’s Preparation

1.2 The Pastor’s Qualifications

2.1 The Pastor’s Call (General call)

2.2 The Pastor’s Call (to first congregation)

The Fatherly Mother (or Motherly Father?)

Sep 12, 2011 • By David Murray • 0 Comments

Comments on last week’s blog post about pastors using nursing mothers as role models got somewhat sidetracked into a debate on breastfeeding in public worship! In an effort to get the conversation back on track, let’s just edge a few verses further on in 1 Thessalonians 2, and look at the next model of leadership that Paul introduces – The Firm Father.

When Paul used the nursing mother illustration, he probably anticipated the danger of the Thessalonians running to an extreme with it, and becoming too “soft.” Because he immediately introduces the Firm Father model to balance it (1 Thess. 2:11).

dad feeding babyWhile the Gentle Mother model calls us away from hard-hearted authoritarianism, the Firm Father model calls us away from soft-hearted spoiling of our spiritual children. The leader is called to exercise fatherly authority as well as motherly care. Maybe try to imagine a man feeding a baby with a bottle if you want to capture the balance of this. But let’s look a bit more at the issue of fatherly authority.

The undergirding of authority (v. 10)
The Apostle laid a foundation for his fatherly authority with fatherly presence and fatherly example.

Fatherly presence: There is no such thing as an “absent father.” If a father is always absent from the home, he is not a father. The Apostle can say “we behaved ourselves among you.” As the one whose preaching brought them to life, he could call himself their spiritual father. But he did not just give life and go; he lived among them and with them. They saw him and observed his conduct. He interacted and communicated with them.

Fatherly example: The Apostle asks them to remember not just that he was among them, but how he was among them. He says that his conduct was holy, just, and blameless. He set before them a good and godly example.

There can be no fatherly authority without fatherly presence and fatherly example. And the more of that that exists, the more fatherly authority will be respected.

The use of authority (v. 11)
The Apostle gave authoritative commands in this letter to the Thessalonians. However, his exercise of authority was much more than the issuing of bare commands. He says: “We exhorted and comforted and charged every one of you, as a father does his own children.”

  • Exhortations (aimed at the will) are positive appeals that a father makes while walking alongside his kids.
  • Comforts (aimed at the heart) are soothing encouragements he gives when picking them up after a fall.
  • Charges (aimed at the conscience) are earnest entreaties that appeal to objective truth and bring it to the conscience.

And notice that Paul gave these exhortations, comforts, and charges to “every one of you.” They were tailored to every single individual in appropriate measure.

Clearly, fatherly authority is a much wider and a much more demanding concept than just commanding people to do something.

The undermining of authority
There are many factors in wider society that undermine the spiritual authority of pastors (the general lack of respect for authority, the media’s caricaturing of preachers, the scandals involving prominent preachers, etc). However, this loss of authority is often made worse by pastors themselves.

Obviously if a pastor engages in sinful conduct, he will lose the respect of his flock. However, the most common way I’ve seen pastors undermine their authority is not so much in sinful conduct, but in foolish and inappropriate conduct – just a simple lack of common sense.

If we act like an academic scholar when we are talking to children, like a gladhanding politician climbing the social ladder when in company, like a radio talk-show host when giving our opinions, etc., then people are not going to respect what we say.

In some ways I wish it wasn’t so, but what we wear also has an impact upon how people view us. Yes, God looks on the heart, but remember people do look on our outward appearance…and draw conclusions about our character. If we dress like teenagers when we are 60, or dress for a funeral when playing games with the children; if we disregard established social conventions; if we play sport or Scrabble as if its the World series or the World Cup; or if, as Robert Anderson says, we “flaunt a macho image, attempting to convey exaggerated images of our manhood,” etc., we will undermine our authority and lose people’s respect.

In The Effective Pastor, Rober Anderson relates how a lady one told him: “It is so nice to have a pastor who you know always will say the appropriate thing. He actually thinks before he speaks. We haven’t always had pastors like that.” Anderson exhorts: “God wants people who have a sense of dignity about them. I do not mean stuffy people. I mean people who know how to conduct themselves properly.”

So concerned was Anderson about this lack of common sense in so many pastors that he brought in someone to teach his class about basic social etiquette….without much success. He says:

Unfortunately it probably is one of the classes that is received the most poorly. I say unfortunately because it is the class that often is needed the most. Not many of our graduates fail in the ministry because they fall prey to doctrinal errors. Numbers, howev­er, have made an improper impact on the ministry simply because they are “klutzes,” are continually making themselves offensive to people—and they will not change. Simple things—such as practicing acceptable table manners, placing a mint in their mouths when deal­ing with people in close proximity, and refraining from picking the nose, ears, or teeth in public—would give those people substantial mileage in being more acceptable to others. If they learned a few social graces in addition and were able to remember to express grati­tude to people for every kind action no matter how small, they would be making major progress toward becoming the type of re­spectable person the Bible demands for the position of pastor. The person who basks in his crudeness and considers it a necessary part of his “macho” image probably should seek another vocation besides the pastorate.

Conclusion
So, it’s neither Gentle Mother nor Firm Father, but both, in appropriate balance for each situation we face. Too much of either – and all of us have a bias to the one or the other – will imbalance us.

But a lack of common sense will destroy us.

The role of nursing mothers in training pastors

Sep 7, 2011 • By David Murray • 5 Comments

Yesterday, I proposed that pastoral training begins in the womb. Today, I’d like to suggest that one of the best seminary classes a pastor or trainee pastor could attend is to spend time with a nursing mother.

“Oh, no! Here’s another extreme and unbiblical idea from Murray.”

No, actually, I got it from the Apostle Paul.

Paul says to the Thessalonians that he was “gentle among [them], just as a nursing mother cherishes her own children” (1 Thess. 2:7).

baby

So, visit the nursery, men; bring a notepad, open your eyes, and listen to how a nursing mother taught Paul how to pastor:

“First of all, Paul, this is how to gently nurse your congregation (v. 7). Watch me as I wake my children, how I clean them, clothe them, feed them, protect them, hug them, welcome them, etc. All very loving and gentle, isn’t it!”

“And, Paul, make sure your congregation knows that you long to be with them and enjoy being with them (v. 8). Cherish them like I cherish my baby. I’m sure you know that ‘to cherish’ means ‘to warm and be warmed.’ You can’t do that without being with them, and being close to them.”

“And remember that although I take care of my children’s physical needs, I put their spiritual needs first and look for every opportunity to share the Gospel with them (v. 8).”

“Paul, I love my children so much that I’m actually willing to sacrifice more than my time, talents, and health for them. I’m willing to sacrifice my life for them (v. 8). Do your congregations get a sense of that from you? I’m sure they do.”

“And as for working hours, I labor night and day (v. 9). Remember your own mother’s example, Paul, and let that memory mentor you through the long and often thankless hours of pastoral labor.”

“You’ll learn a lot about about mothering from pastoring. But you’ll also learn more about pastoring from watching mothering than from any Seminary Class.”

“In fact if you ever start a Seminary, Paul, maybe you should build a nursery at its center.”

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