Comments on: An email from my heart

By: Daniel

Daniel — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 09:02:01 +0000

I think that written communications have several benefits over face-to-face communication.1. A letter can be reread whereas a conversation can be ignored and blocked from the mind – forgotten.2. Writing helps to arrange ones own thoughts and logical approach to the situation.3. A written communication can be edited and changed before being sent, whereas if an unwise statement is made in a conversation, it’s very hard – if not impossible – to take it back or undo it.You have only to read the letters of Samuel Rutherford and Archibald Alexander (amongst many others) to see what great advantages a letter or e-mail has over a spoken conversation. That’s not to say of course that a letter or e-mail trumps a verbal conversation, writing has its drawbacks and benefits, yet personal conversation also has its drawbacks. To write off (no pun intended) letter-writing so glibly is, in my opinion, unwise and having read the reasons and context of Dr Murray’s decision to write, it was clearly the best choice of action. When it comes to the pride of man’s heart, I don’t think advice – written or spoken – is ever taken well. If he had said those very things to her personally, would the effect have been any different? No one likes to be chastised, period – whether in writing or in person.

By: David Murray

David Murray — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 01:10:40 +0000

Wow, I leave my desk for a few hours…Thanks for all the advice. It helps to see how different the reactions to the same words can be, depending on your previous experience.I haven’t given all the details in the above scenario, and I can’t give much more. But it may help you to know:1. Physical meeting was impossible (separated by thousands of miles, an ocean, and probably also a couple of continents). 2. Telephoning was also impossible (can’t give details)3. I was encouraged to email by her family (I view email as a last resort)4. She had come to faith in Christ but had not yet professed that faith publicly by becoming a member of the church5. It was written in the context of a long-term, strong and positive previous relationship6. I have seen exceptions to this scenario – God does not deal with us as we deserve – but they are sadly very rare.

By: EmergentDude

EmergentDude — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 00:00:17 +0000

Hey, cd,I think you reinforced the point you were trying to make… : )

By: EmergentDude

EmergentDude — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 23:56:58 +0000

Hi Bob-Laura. Thanks for finding my story amusing. I understand this is a pastoral letter, but it is still weird to me. For one, why is he offering such personal advice to a woman who hasn’t even made a “profession of faith?” To me it signals that she hasn’t put herself under the church’s spiritual authority.And saying that if she makes this mistake her children will be ungodly? So much for the redemptive power of the cross. One mistake and BAM! your children follow your heathen ex to hell! While I understand the heart of the pastor, the words in this letter smack of a graceless God, more concerned rules than anything else.There is wisdom in not marrying unbelievers, but this letter does nothing to explain it.

By: cd

cd — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 23:23:25 +0000

This letter, and the comments to it, are sadly telling. Being Christian amounts to being reactionary per the author and some commenters. Yet the operational definition of reactionary remains, as ever, to be to be a misanthrope of some kind (bigot, in the popular parlance) supposedly justified by an Ancient World religious metaphysic.I doubt this is the spirit or actual teaching of Jesus of Nazareth.

By: Allison in Texas

Allison in Texas — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 23:15:00 +0000

No one likes to be chastised via email. Especially adults. That’s why she didn’t email back.These kinds of efforts are the kinds of things that push people away- away from the church, and away from you. These other commentors are trying, nicely, to tell you that. No one is going to listen to this kind of advice, and all it will do is make her resent you (even if you turn out to be right). It’s counterproductive in the extreme.Also, why is it any of your business who she dates? I didn’t see any “love” or “concern”- only an attempt to control the behavior of an independent woman. I am saying this as a woman who has controlling tendencies myself- but people generally like to manage their own lives and affairs, even if they make mistakes.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 22:53:55 +0000

Hi EmergentDude! Cool name, although I’m not sure of it’s message? We must take into account that this is a pastoral letter. Your account of letter sending is slightly amusing for an outsider (I’m sure that’s not the case with you), I hope you don’t mind me thinking that?

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 22:32:38 +0000

To not regret sin is to be in dangerous ground with biblical repentance. In my comments I distanced our disagreement from the circumstances and tried to look at the circumstance objectively as a whole. You’ve assumed a lot in your comments. We cannot be certain of the context of the situation. I don’t believe this email was inspired by God but I it seems that it was sent by a concerned pastor on the basis of scriptural guidance and grounds for a pastor. I think your comments inferring I must believe it is inspired to agree with all of it is unfair.There are definitely some pastoral issues to take account of in the sending of an email to a young women. I’ve already referred to some of these and I still feel they’re valid.If this argument is coming down to the rightness or wrongness of sending a letter/email, then I think the point is widely missed. I believe there are circumstances that are best suited to other forms of communication and this “kind” (for we don’t know all the context) of circumstance would be it. You’re calling this pastoral effort cowardly, I would call it wise and moving. Maybe she believed that as well, but because of her sin could never face her pastor again. Maybe she did resent it, but her resentment does not lie at the door of the pastor, ultimately she resents the calls of Christ through the pastor.I say again, this is my opinion and I’m not going to get hung up on it if you don’t see the place for letters/emails. Your call.

By: EmergentDude

EmergentDude — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 22:25:44 +0000

I have to side with Stephy on this. I’ve sent these letters to and I am still embarrassed just remembering it.This letter is more than just being a bit harsh and guilt ridden, I think it’s mostly awkward. It’s not personal or friendly, it’s a little weird. Like I said I’ve written these weird letters and even had these weird conversations. Usually it was something inside myself that I was trying to communicate, but I dressed it up with scripture and Christian principles. In one instance I wrote a friend a strange letter about her calling in life and following God, when in reality I had a big crush on her and knew I wasn’t her type. I latched on to her issue because it was like a reflection of what was really going on in mine: unrequited love (or like). I just couldn’t handle it head on. She didn’t really talk to me much after that.I’m not saying that that’s what happened in this letter, but when I wrote them, that’s what was going on in me.

By: Rocky Presley

Rocky Presley — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 22:04:01 +0000

Bob, do you believe that Paul’s letters were authored by God? One foundational principle of Christianity is that we believe that every word that Paul penned was God breathed. Now, do you believe the same thing about this email? Also, Paul would have had to travel for weeks, if not months to reach these places. This was an email to someone that is seen every week, and is at the very least a phone call away.I think it goes further. It is not only inconsiderate to not speak to someone in person, it is also cowardly. You cannot communicate the heart through email, and it is a rookie mistake that I have made often, but make it a practice not to do any more. Would I remove from or add to this email. Absolutely not. I would love the person enough to look them in the eye and be moved by the Holy Spirit to speak the truth in love. This woman never responded because she felt cheapened by such a valueless form of communication. I wouldn’t respond either.