We have a very wise and Christ-following minister that I am able to speak to. I’m trying to work up the courage to do so. I have spoken to an older lady in our church who offered prayer and support, which has been good. The biggest factor that has helped me is to keep crying out to God and seeking refuge in His promises. No person can heal me, only God can be that refuge (though he may use people to provide comfort). For anyone else experiencing this, I have found that disciplined prayer and bible reading (holding on to Gods promises) is essential. Even if your prayer is just ‘please be with me God’ which mine often is.

I think there is work to be done in the church in terms of understanding depression. Particularly ongoing depression, where the darkness remains despite prayer. I know I have felt like a spiritual failure for not overcoming this. I also know what God has taught me in this darkness and how valuable it is. I have experienced hopefulness in the last couple of weeks and I’m holding on to it tightly. I know in my head that God will bring me through at some point.

However, I am also struggling with depression that has lasted for over 2 years now. I feel like such a different person to who I used to be. I suffered emotional abuse from my father and sexual assault from a man in the church when I was young and these memories have made it difficult to trust God’s goodness in my heart. This has suddenly come over me. It began when I developed a crush on a man in church and I thought he liked me too, and then he decided he didn’t anymore. Such a simple disappointment that many people experience became difficult to deal with and I began to struggle with feelings of rejection. I know God loves me and is good, but my feelings don’t line up and I feel trapped in darkness. I have tried talking to friends in the church about this struggle in my childhood (not in detail, but to let them know I need support). I have found a number of friends in the church have cooled relationship with me and many that I haven’t told are no longer friendly towards me as I am no longer the happy-go-lucky person I used to be. I’m struggling to stay in the church. I love God and honestly, my relationship is close to Him in this darkness, but I do feel abandoned by others in Christ. I’m unsure what to do.

As for “teaching”, please see Your display of God’s righteousness.

Thanks for the feedback.

He said to them, “Why do you think this in your hearts? Which is easier to say to the sick man, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up, take your bed, and start to walk?’ I am doing this so you may know the Son of Man has power on earth to forgive sins.” He said to the sick man who could not move his body, “I say to you, ‘Get up. Take your bed and go to your home.’” ~ Mark 2:8b-11(NLV)