ࡱ> g bjbjVV 4r<r<22222FFFF<DF" X"Z"Z"Z"Z"Z"Z"$$s'<~"2~"22"22X"X"V!"ipW]! D""0"!T'_'"'2",~"~""' : LECTURE 10 THE PASTORS SUFFERING 1. WHAT ARE THE CAUSES OF PASTORAL SUFFERINGS 1.1 This morning I rose at 7:30 A.M. Had prayer after 9:30 for three-quarters of an hour, but the heavens seem brass. That was why finally Saul went to the Witch of Endor. O God, have mercy upon me according to Thy loving-kindness ... [Tom then describes more than half a dozen whom he has been visiting and for whom he has been praying. But in his mind he has not been doing enough: two or three have died recently, and he views their unconverted state at death as the result of his own laxness.] I have no excuse. The blood of so many is on my head! I'm afraid and defeated. "The fearful shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death." Yet I can do nothing to help myself. Every effort to overcome through the years has failed; every effort I make now will likewise fail. If God does not put a new spirit within me I am as helpless as if I were dead. I need relief. I need the way of escape from my temptation. What is it? And where is it? (1/78) 1.2 Towards the end of 1734, to counter any doubts among his own people, Edwards began to preach directly on doctrines involved in the dispute with Arminianism. (3/109) 1.3 Satan stirred up a little inconsiderable rage of wicked men against me. They were raging mad against me for preaching the doctrine of original sin to them, and telling them that infants before regeneration had so much guilt and corruption as mad them loathsome in the eyes of God; whereupon they rented it abroad in the country that I preached that God hated or loathed infants. One of the drunken beggars of the town raised a slander of me, that I was under a tree with a woman (and ill-famed beggar of the town) (2/28) He writeth that it is reported that I killed a man in cold blood with my own hands in the wards. (2/173) The Yale Rector gave Edwards as his source for an alleged statement by Whitefield to the effect that he wanted the people to be encouraged to turn the bigger part of the ministers of New-England out of their pulpits and that we would see them replaced by young converted men from Britain! With this in print (with the obvious intent of damning Whitefield) Edwards was forced to reply. He categorically denied either reporting such words or having ever heard them from Whitefield. The relation you give of the conversation that passed between of us as we rode together through Leicester is one of the most amazing things to me that ever I met with in my life. Wherever Clap obtained his false rumours it was not from him, and, given the wide difference between them on the subject of the revival, was it likely, Edwards asked, that he would have shared any confidence with him on Whitefield? There was little in our conversation in the journey Mr Clap speaks of, to draw me to such a confidence in him as to choose him above all of the world to reveal my greatest secrets to: for he immediately fell upon me, as he knows, as soon as ever we began to ride the road together. (3/239) But that the end of the 1950s should find him still unmarried was something he had not himself expected. Ours is an age when any man, more particularly any Christian worker or minister who remains unmarried must expect that there will from time to time be daring hints of some latent homosexual inclination to account for this. E.J. J. Nash (Bash) had met this, being himself not only a bachelor but one who was known to encourage his Iwerne leaders to stay single for the sake of the work. John Stott was at pains to defend Bashs reputation, and to explain the biblical basis of his position, when contributing to the symposium published in his memory: Since I worked with him closely for about seven years, both as a person friend and as camps secretary-treasurer, I am able to say with complete confidence that Bash was a perfectly normal heterosexual. His own singleness, and his advocacy of the single state were entirely due to his zeal for Gods work. John Stott identified himself with Bashs uncompromising stand for the place of singleness in the purpose of God, and the sanctity of sex and marriage: He may sometimes have been too zealous in commending singleness to others, assuming too readily that they also had received this particular gift and calling, but I for one greatly admire his courage and faithfulness in facing issues which many of us shirk. He cultivated a ruthless self-discipline himself in the fight against temptation, and urged upon others the same safeguards and self control. He was adamant that Christians are at liberty to marry only Christians, and indeed that mature Christians should only marry mature Christians, so that they may help rather than hinder one another in their Christian life and service. .. I know no Christian leader who has acted as consistently as Bash in apply the Pauline teaching that those who are chosen for pastoral oversight must have a blameless reputation in sex, marriage and home. (4/329,330) 1.4 I am deeplier afflicted for the disagreements of Christians than I was when I was a younger Christian. Nothing is so sad and grievous to my thoughts as the case of the divided churches. Oh how many millions of souls are kept by them in ignorance and ungodliness. The contentions between the Greek Church and the Roman, the Papist and the Protestants, the Lutherans and the Calvinists, have woefully hindered the kingdom of Christ. (2/ 118,119) 1.5 While I continued night and day under constant pain, and often strong, and under the sentence of approaching death by an incurable disease which age and great debility yields to, I found great need of the constant exercise of patience by obedience submission to God; (2/253) The day before he died Dr. Bates and Mr. Mather visited him. I have pain, he said, there is no arguing against sense, but I have peace, I have peace. When asked how he did, his reply was Almost well. (2/266) 1.6 Such a letter must have brought into very sharp focus a family tension which was to remain with John and to become more and more distressing for some years to come. His father was not at all in favour of Johns hopes to be ordained. It would bring to nothing, in his eyes, the high hopes he cherished for his son. John was already distinguishing himself has head boy of Rugby; and showing a gift for modern languages that augured well for a successful and worthwhile career in the diplomatic or foreign service. One of Dr. Arnold Stotts housemen was a guest at the customary House Physicians dinner party in Harley Street a few months before the war and in the course of conversation asked Dr. Stott what his son planned to do in life when he left school. I have never forgotten his reply to a point which obviously affected him very deeply; Arnold Stott made uncomfortably clear his sense of disappointement and resentment that John should want to go into the church with an indescribable emphasis. (4/154) 1.7 Oh, how sad and degraded is the position of Woman, where the teaching of Christ is unknown, or disregarded though known! It is the Christ of the Bible, it is His Spirit entering into Humanity, that has lifted Woman, and made her the helpmate and the friend of Man, not his toy or his slave. One chief boldly declared, If we did not beat our women they would never work; they would not fear and obey us but when we have beat, and filled, and feasted on two or three, the rest are all very quiet and good for a long time to come. They could not understand kindness. (6/89,90,97) The prejudices and persecutions of Heathens were a sore enough trial, but sorer and more hopeless was the wicked and contaminating influence of alas, my fellow-countrymen. One, for instance, a Captain Winchester, living with a native woman at the head of the bay as a Trader, a dissipated wretch, though a well-educated man, was angry forsooth at this ate of peace! Apparently there was the not the usual demand for the fowls and pigs, etc., in which he traded. He developed at once a wonderful interest in their affairs, presented all the Chief around with powder, caps, and balls and lent among them a number of flash-muskets. He urged them not to be afraid of war, as he would supply any amount of ammunition. I remonstrated, but he flatly told me that peace did not suit his purposes. Incited and encouraged thus, these poor Heathen people were goaded into a most unjust war on neighbouring tribes. The Trader immediately demanded a high price for the weapons he had lent; the price of powder, caps, and balls rose exorbitantly with every fresh demand; his yards were crowded with poultry and pigs, which he readily disposed of to passing vessels; and he might have amassed great sums of money but for his vile dissipations. Captain Winchester, now glorying in the war, charged a large hog for a wine-glass full of powder, or three or four balls, or ten gun-caps; he was boastful of his good luck in getting rid of all his old muskets and filling his yards with pigs and fowls. Such is the infernal depth to which we can sink, when the misery and ruin of many are thought to be more than atoned for by the wealth and prosperity of a few who trade in their doom! By the Gospel, and the civilization which it brings, they were capable of learning anything and being trained to a useful and noble manhood. But all influence that ever I witnessed from these Traders was degrading and dead against the work of our Mission. This by way of digression, only to show how white and black Heathenism meet together. (6/111,112,132,195) British critics of evangelicalism had long since discovered that one of the easiest ways of discrediting the movement was to refer to it as 'fundamentalism'. By the early 195os, the word 'fundamentalism' had come to mean something like 'unthinking, dogmatic, narrow-minded, and unscholarly'. Liberal writers encouraged the direct identification of 'fundamentalism' and 'evangelicalism'. (7/80) 1.8 I recollect, when a child, seeing on the mantel-piece a stone apple wonderfully like an apple too, and very well coloured. I saw that apple years after but it was no riper. It was a hypocritical professor, a heart-hearted mocker of little children, a mere mimic of Gods fruits. There are church members who used to be unkind, covetous, censorious, bad-tempered, egotistical, everything that was hard and stony; are they so now? Have they not mellowed with the lapse of years? No they are worse if anything. (15/24,25) 1.9 Here speaks the man who has been working till 4 A. M. nights," and we can feel the breakdown coming in the tension manifest in his letters. It is not surprising then to read Van Hall's communication, "Scholte preached here for a large crowd with great blessing. With much sympathy I noted that he is very sick." 21 Not surprising is the record, Sept. 15, "Sick to Oct. 7," and again Oct. 20, "Sick and unconscious of what happened to Jan 1, 1837." Here was the kind of sickness which does something permanent to the nervous system. With fatherly tenderness, the overworked pastor takes upon himself "the cares of all the churches. (8/82) The pastor engages in the humanly impossibledealing with sin in people's lives. The pastor fills a never-ending rolesolving one problem only to be faced with multiplied more. The pastor serves with increasingly questioned credibility in the eyes of society. The pastor remains on call 168 hours each week. The pastor is expected to perform excellently with the widest range of skillsto be at any given time a scholar, visionary, communicator, administrator, consoler, leader, financier, diplomat, perfect example, counselor, and peacemaker. The pastor is expected to produce riveting and life-changing messages at least twice weekly, fifty-two Sundays a year. The pastor's work brigade is usually a volunteer force, not paid help. The pastor and his family seem to live in a fishbowl where everyone can watch. The pastor is often underpaid, underappreciated, underrefreshed, and overworked. As a public figure, the pastor can receive 'the harshest criticism from both the community and the congregation. (18/121,122) Today's minister must perform several roles. In his chapter, "The Protestant Parish Minister's Integrating Roles," Samuel Blizzard identifies fourteen categories. Five of these roles are traditional: believer-saint, scholar, evangelist, liturgist, and father-shepherd. Eight have a contemporary orientation: the interpersonal relations specialist, the parish promoter, the community problem solver, the educator, the specialist in a sub-culture, the representative of the church-at-large, the lay minister, and the church politician (The Minister's Own Mental Health, 145,146). David Lloyd George, former Prime Minister of Great Britain and eloquent political speaker, was conversing with Dr. James Black, then a pastor in Edinburgh, on the theme of preaching. The gifted Welshman said, "I don't know how you ministers do it.... I don't need to create my own atmosphere; it is there before me, electric and buoyant; my audience cheers the tritest remark or the most inane joke. But you are in the same place, speaking to the same people, twice a Sunday. The people don't come expecting fireworks or to be amused. And you have to speak, by and large, always on the same subject, and you have to stir or create your own atmosphere. I think that to be a minister in a settled church is one of the hardest arts of speaking known to me" (David MacLennan, Resources for Sermon Preparation, 7). Not only must a pastor possess a wide range of skills, but he must perform his roles in a high visibility setting. Under constant observation, he lives in a fishbowl. His family may experience no privacy. To enjoy days off they may have to leave home. In many churches the minister's salary is printed in the annual budget, and even voted on in a public meeting. A church bulletin carried this description of the perfect preacher. "He works from 8 A.M. to 10 P.M. in every type of work from preaching to custodial services. He makes $60 a week (more today), wears good clothes, buys good books regularly, has a nice family, drives a good car, and gives $30 a week to the church. He is 26 years old and has been preaching for 30 years. He is tall and short, thin and heavy set, handsome. He has one brown eye and one blue, hair parted in the middle, left side dark and straight, the right brown and wavy. He has a burning desire to work with teenagers and spends all his time with older folks. He smiles all the time with a straight face because he has a sense of humor that keeps him seriously dedicated to his work. He makes 15 calls, a day on church members, spends all his time evangelizing the unchurched and is never out of his office" (24/14-16) Every Saturday night pastors feel frustrated because another week has rolled around before the list of items needing to be done could be checked off. Most pastors carry a work load heavier than they can efficiently handle. One said, "I could work day and night for weeks and not get done all the things I'm supposed to do." Another sighed that he would be far better off if Sunday came around only once every two weeks. Few occupations demand so many hours per week of work as does the ministry. Surveys show that many business executives work from 50 to 60 hours a week. A poll of clergymen revealed that many work 70 hours a week. Members of a congregation were asked to indicate on a questionnaire how many hours they felt their pastor should devote per week to each of the following tasks: preparing sermons, personal interviews, administering the affairs of the church, committee meetings, budget planning and promotion, community activities, youth groups, comforting the bereaved, and marriage counseling. Totals on the answers averaged 82 hours per week One member proposed 200 hours. (A week has only 168 hours!) (24/32) 1.10 Leadership: A good leader is one who is willing to pay the price. Leaders pay a hefty price to be in leadership. Spiritual leadership entails discipline. self-sacrifice, great patience, and a host of hardships. Leadership is a lonely place and calls for critical and difficult decisions; leadership runs the danger of alienating even one's closest friends. "A cross stands in the way of spiritual leadership," confessed Dr. Sanders, "a cross upon which the leader must consent to be impaled. -17 No one can enjoy the fruit of leadership without paying the price. The pastorate is not an easy task; it is not for the fainthearted, for the weak, for those who want to avoid hardship. It is an extremely "hot kitchen,- and if one cannot stand the heat or does not want to endure it, then he needs to get out. Criticism, low pay, loneliness, frustration, long hours. rejection, and even burnout are all the hazards of ministry. As in war, there will be casualties. But as in war, the battle must be won, and the troops will be led by leaders who understand the risks and are willing to pay the price. Developing these traits of effective leadership takes time and experience, along with some serious personal study and research. Spiritual leadership evolves out of the daily ministry and struggles of God's people. Difficult times call for good leadership that sometimes is nowhere to be found, but we must remember the best of leaders always arise in times of great distress. We await the new generation of leaders that God will raise up from this intense spiritual struggle the church is enduring. (18/240) 1.11 At home in New Castle his worsening health and the death of his wife led Davies to spend "a year under melancholy and consumptive languishments, expecting death." He rejected all offers to settle in Hanover until he might improve, an event that he seriously doubted. Some years later he noted that "divine Providence has generally disposed of me in a Manner different from, and Sometimes contrary to My Expectations, My Purpose and Desires. (13/15) 1.12 The office hours were from 9 a.m. till 4 p.m.; and though my walk from home was above four miles every morning, and the same by return in the evening, I found much spare time for private study, both on the way to and from my work and also after hours. Instead of spending the mid-day hour with the rest, at football and other games, I stole away to a quiet spot on the banks of the Nith, and there pored over my book, all alone. Our lieutenant, unknown to me, had observed this from his house on the other side of the stream, and after a time called me into his office and inquired what I was studying. I told him the whole truth as to my position and my desires. After conferring with some of the other officials there, he summoned me again, and in their presence promised me promotion in the service, and special training in Woolwich at the Government's expense, on condition that I would sign an engagement for seven years. Thanking him most gratefully (or his kind offer, I agreed to bind myself for three years or four, but not for seven. Excitedly he said, "Why? Will you refuse an offer that many gentlemen's sons would be proud of? "I said, "My life is given to another Master, so I cannot engage for seven years." He asked sharply, "To whom? "I replied, "To the Lord Jesus; and I want to prepare as soon as possible for His service in the proclaiming of the Gospel." In great anger he sprang across the room, called the pay-master, and exclaimed, "Accept my offer, or you are dismissed on the spot! " I answered, "I am extremely sorry if you do so, but to bind myself for seven years would probably frustrate the purpose of my life; and though I am greatly obliged to you, I cannot make such an engagement." His anger made him unwilling or unable to comprehend my difficulty; the drawing instruments were delivered up, I received my pay, and departed without further parley. The men, both over me and beside me, were mostly Roman Catholics, and their talk was the most profane I had ever heard. Few of them spoke at any time without larding their language with oaths, and I was thankful to get away from hearing their shocking speech. But to me personally both officers and men had been extremely kind, for which, on leaving, I thanked them all very cordially, and they looked not a little surprised,-as if unused to such recognitions! Hearing how I had been treated, and why, Mr. Maxwell, the Rector of Dumfries Academy, offered to let me attend all classes there, free of charge, so long as I cared to remain; but that, in lack of means of support, was for the time impossible, as I would not and could not be a burden on my dear father, but was determined rather to help him in educating the rest. (6/23) After these events, a few weeks of dry weather began to tell against the growth of their yams and bananas. The drought was instantly ascribed to us and our God. The Natives far and near were summoned to consider the matter in public assembly. Next day, Nouka, the high chief, and Miaki, the war-chief, his nephew came to inform us, that two powerful Chiefs had openly declared in that assembly that if the Harbour people did not as once kill us or compel us to leave the island they would, unless the rain came plentifully in the meantime, summon all the Inland people and murder both our Chiefs and us. The friendly Chiefs said, Pray to your Jehovah God for rain, and do not go far beyond your door for a time; we are all in greatest danger, and if war breaks out, we fear we cannot protect you. The rage of the poor ignorant Heather was thereby fed against us. Alas! On the other hand, the continuous and heavy rains brought much sickness and fever in their train, and again their Sacred Men pointed to us as the cause. The sickness that prevails amongst them is the cause of this rage. They say, we made the disease, and we must be killed for it; they never died off in this way before the religion came amongst them, etc., etc. Also, that child died in the plague of measles, and of course the Worship was blamed. Deaths, hurricanes, all seemed to be turned against us. (6/87,88,157,163) 1.13 Scholte had a way of losing his position of leadership. He was very independent and would rather have painful breaks with his followers and friends than to admit he was wrong or change his mind. (8/14) My dear young wife, Mary Ann Robson,-daughter of Peter Robson, Esquire, a well-known and highly-esteemed gentleman, at Coldstream on the Borders,-and I were landed on Tanna on the 5th November, 1858, in excellent health and full of all tender and holy hopes. On the 12th February, 1859, she was confined of a son; for two days or so both mother and child seemed to prosper, and our island-exile thrilled with joy! But the greatest of sorrows was treading hard upon the heels of that joy! My darling's strength showed no signs of rallying. She had an attack of ague and fever, a few days before her confinement; on the third day or so thereafter it returned, and attacked her every second day with increasing severity for a fortnight. Diarrhrea ensued, and symptoms of pneumonia, with slight delirium at intervals; and then in a moment, altogether unexpectedly, she died on the 3rd March. To crown my sorrows, and complete my loneliness, the dear baby-boy, whom we had named after her father, Peter Robert Robson, was taken from me after one week's sickness, on the 20th March. Let those who have ever passed through any similar darkness as of midnight feel for me; as for all others, it would be more than vain to try to paint my sorrows! In the issue, Abraham and his wife and I lost all our earthly goods, and all our clothing except what we had on. My Bible, the few translations which I had made into Tannese, and a light pair of blankets I carried with me. To me the loss was bitter, but as God had so ordered it, I tried to bow with resignation. All my deceased wife's cost outfit, her piano, silver, cutlery, books, etc., with which her dear parents had provided her, besides all that I had in the world; also a box worth 56, lately arrived, full of men's clothing and medicine, the gift of my dear friends, Samuel Wilson, Esq., and Mrs. Wilson, of Geelong. After their death, I was the only one left alive in all the New Hebrides Mission north of Aneityum to tell the story of those pioneer years, during which were sown the seeds of what is now fast becoming a glorious harvest. What could be taken in three boats was saved out of the wreck of Mr. Mathieson's property; but my earthly all perished, except the Bible and the translations into Tannese. Along with the goods pertaining to the Mission, the property which I had to leave behind would be under-estimated at 600, besides the value of the Mission House, etc. Often since have I thought that the Lord stripped me thus bare of all these interests, that I might with undistracted mind devote my entire energy to the special work soon to be carved out for me, and of which at this moment neither I nor anyone had ever dreamed. (6/79,195,220) Oh the vain yet bitter regrets, that my dear wife had not been left on Aneityum till after the unhealthy Rainy Season! But no one advised this course; and she, high spirited, full of buoyant hope, and afraid of being left behind me, or of me being left without her on Tanna, refused to allow the thing to be suggested. In our mutual inexperience, and with our hearts aglow for the work of our lives, we incurred this risk which should never have been incurred; and I only refer to the matter thus, in the hope that other may take warning. Life is God's great gift, to be preserved for His uses, not thrown away. (6/80,108) Her last words were, Oh that my dear mother were here! She is a good woman, my mother, a jewel of a woman. Then, observing Mr. Copeland nearby she said, Oh Mr. Copeland, I did not know you were there! You must not think that I regret coming here and leaving my mother. If I had the same thing to do over again, I would do it with far more pleasure, yes, with all my heart. Oh, no! I do not regret leaving home and friends, thought at the time I felt it keenly. Soon after this, looking up and putting her hand in mine she said J.C. wrote to our Janet saying, that young Christians under their first impression thought they could do anything for Jesus, and he asked if she believed it, for he did not think they could, when tested; but Janet wrote back that she believed they could, and (added she with great emphasis) I believe it is true!In a moment altogether unexpectedly she fell asleep in Jesus with these words on her lips. Not lost, only gone before to be forever with the Lord my heart keeps saying or singing to itself from that hour till now. (6/84-45) 1.14 I speak what I do know, and not what I have learned by report, when I say that there is a chamber in the experience of some men where the temptations of the devil exceed al belief. Found rushing through my mind an almost infinite number of curses and blasphemies against the Most High God. It was the devil throwing me down and tearing me. These things sorely beset me; for half-an-hour together, the most fearful imprecations would dash through my brain. Oh, how I groaned and cried before God! That temptation passed away, but ere many days, it was renewed again. I consulted with an aged godly man about it. He said to me Oh, all this many of the people of God have proved before you! I have never been thoroughly an unbeliever but once, and that was not before I knew the need of a Saviour but after it. (15/65,66) 2. HOW SHOULD WE RESPOND TO PASTORAL SUFFERINGS 2.1 I sometimes think God is thus dealing with me that I may afterwards be better fitted to teach others. (12/5) No pastoral suffering is senseless. No pastoral pain is pointless. No adversity is absurd or meaningless. Every heartache has its divine target in the consolation of the saints, we even when we feel least useful. How does a pastors suffering achieve the consolation and salvation of this flock? He context of Pauls words suggests the following scenario: Circumstances conspire to crush a posts spirits perhaps loss of health, loss of a loved one, defection of a friend, unresponsive people, slander, weariness, personal threats, overwork. Things become so bad that he even despairs of life itself. He cries out, Why? The answer comes back from 2 Corinthians 1:9: That was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. (23/140) All pastoral afflictions are graciously designed to make us rely on God and not ourselves. And therefore our afflictions prepare us to do the one thing most needful for our people to point them away from ourselves to the All-sufficient God. In this alone is consolation and salvation. Therefore, If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation. (23/141) Observation of fledgling ministers during a ten-year period of teaching at Westminster Theological Seminary confirms the double fact that: (1) many of the finest men who go into the ministry have been matured beyond their years by personal difficulty, struggle, loss and sorrow. Such struggles often take place in pre-seminary or seminary years; but perhaps equally as many men experience them during their first pastorate; (2) the men who prove to be most useful and successful in ministering the Word of God to others usually are those who have been through personal trials. There are exceptions, of course; God is not subject to our generalizations. But by and large what Paul found to be true, men preparing for the work of the pastorate today will discover, holds true for them as well. And one of the areas in which they often first will feel the impact of the unconditional call of Christ upon their lives will be in the severance of personal ties and the loss of private advantage. At times they may find themselves repeating Peter's words: "We have left our own things and followed You" (Luke 18:28). At such moments they will be sustained by recalling the promise that Christ graciously made in reply. It is tragic to see and hear of young ministers who, having run afoul of this or some other trying situation by which they more fully could become prepared to minister meaningfully to the needs of others (James 1:3, 4), instead desert the ministry. Often before God allows a man to preach from a text like I Corinthians 10:13, he enables him to learn its meaning not only from the Greek text, not merely from the New International Commentary, but also from the textbook of personal experience. Counting the cost requires a full recognition of the personal disadvantages (and assets), but it also involves taking stock of the heavy responsibilities involved in pastoral work. Such passages as the following, while stressing various aspects of the responsibility, all point in the same direction. 2.2 He told me that his conscience had no peace from the hour that he troubled me. I exhorted the man to a universal repentance and reformation of life, and he told me he would never meddle in such businesses nor trouble any man, and promised to live better himself than he had done... (2/232) He brought Mr Dyet to come to my chamber and confess his fault, and ask me for forgiveness. I had long suffered so much more than words, that it must be no difficulty to me to forgive them to any man. (2/242) 2.3 Dear Pastor, Several days ago I asked my wife why the Pastor had abruptly stopped visiting us. She replied in an angry voice that you had indeed come to the door, - but that she had not let you in and had given you back [a book you had given us]. Then she blew up in a violent scene over my prospective change of religion, warning me that if I converted that would be the end of the marriage. So I must apologize to you for this strange and incomprehensible attitude my wife has adopted. If I am to have peace, you will understand that I am obligated to bend to her will. I will always be grateful to you for the several hours of instruction you kindly gave me. . . As compensation for the pains you have taken I am enclosing a check for ten dollars. This was all that my wife would permit me to give, but I hope to send the same amount secretly in about two weeks. You certainly deserve it. I close, Pastor, with all the respect owed you, asking the Lord that he may give you strength and courage for the mission with which you have been charged, however ungratefully it is received, as it brings glory to our Lord Jesus Christ. L.B (1/40) In the early 1950s, Baptist ministers spent a total of about eight years in jail. Nevertheless, small churches were being started and were gradually taking root. (1/65) 2.4 On one occasion the St-Onge family learned that neighbour hood kids were planning on pelting Tom with tomatoes, eggs, and rotten fruit when he came out of the Sunday afternoon meeting in their home. They begged him to leave the back way. Tom replied that he had entered by the front door and he would leave by the front door. Somehow the neighbour hood kids got the time wrong, and no one was there to oppose Tom when he left. Inevitably the St-Onge children saw this as another example of God's watchful kindness over this small flock.(1/46) Grandfather had instilled into me as a safe rule that I must never be afraid to do what I believed to be right. I have always been grateful to him for teaching me to act according to my believe whatever the consequences might be. (15/18) 2.5 Reflecting on the abuse that Tom had absorbed without retaliation, the lecturer ended his survey of these developments with the comment, "One of the first things I want to see when I get to heaven is Tom Carson's crown." (1/59) There were times when I was tempted to flee from problems and pressures and my inability to cope with them; but somehow, even in moments of confusion and indecision, it seemed I could trace the steady hand of God's sovereignty leading me on. (11/64) 2.6 We should recognize that Tom's journal entries expressing deepest anguish frequently have the texture of biblical lament. Tom never stands in judgment of God; he never curses God. In his gloomiest moments Tom ends up with a cry for help. (1/96) 2.7 Edwards certainly felt the difficulty of standing in between the parties represented by Croswell and Chauncy. As he later noted, when parties are divided, Satan leads both far out of the right way, driving each to great extremes, one on the right hand, and the other on the left, till the right path in the middle is almost wholly neglected (3/244) 2.8 Not a little of the pain Edwards must have felt was caused by the opposition of Christians, who, in the words of Hopkins, once looked upon it as one of their greatest privileges to have such a minister, and manifested their great love and esteem of him. Many of them undoubtedly believed what they had for so long regarded as biblical, names, that the Lords Supper may be a means of grace to the unconverted, and they therefore saw Edwards proposed change for admission to the Table as something which might be a serious spiritual loss a loss equivalent to any proposal to remove the right of baptism from their children. As a nineteenth-century editor of Edwards writes, A false principle, therefore, betrayed them into warmth and obstinacy of opposition, rather than a deliberate love of sin, or a total want of respect to their minister. This interpretation has Edwards support. It was because he believed that he was dealing, in part, with a misunderstanding that he was so much concerned that his arguments should be heard by his people. (3/340) 2.9 One morning at daybreak I found my house surrounded by armed men, and a Chief intimated that they had assembled to take my life. Seeing that I was entirely in their hands, I knelt down and gave myself away body and soul to the Lord Jesus, for what seemed the last time on earth. Rising I went out to them and began calmly talking about their unkind treatment of me and contrasting it with all my conduct towards them. I also plainly showed them what would be the sad consequences, if they carried out their cruel purpose. At last some of the Chiefs, who had attended the Worship, rose and said Our conduct has been bad; but now we will fight for you, and kill all those who hate you. Grasping hold of their leader, I held him fast till he promised never to kill anyone on my account, for Jesus taught us to love our enemies and always to return good for evil! During this scene, many of the armed men slunk away into the bush, and those who remained entered into a bond to be friendly and to protect us. (6/115) Trying to console him I sat down beside him, dressing his wounds and nursing him. He was quite resigned; he was looking up to Jesus, and rejoicing that he would soon be with Him in Glory. His pain and suffering were great, but he bore all very quietly, as he said and kept saying, For the sake of Jesus! For Jesus sake! He was constantly praying for his persecutors, Oh Lord Jesus, forgive them, for they know not what they are doing. Oh, take not away all thy servants from Tanna! Take not away Thy Worship from this dark island! O god, bring all the Tannese to love and follow Jesus! To him, Jesus was all and in all; and there were no bands in his death. He passed from us, in the assured hope of entering into the Glory of his Lord. Humble though he may appear in the worlds esteem, I knew that a great man had fallen there in the service of Christ, and that he would take rank in the glorious Army of the Martyrs. (6/120) 2.10 Life in such circumstance led to me cling very near to the Lord Jesus; I knew not, for one brief hour, when or how attack might be made; and yet, with my trembling hand clasped in the Hand once nailed on Calvary, and now swaying the sceptre of the Universe, calmness and peace and resignation abode in my soul. Looking up in unceasing prayer to our dear Lord Jesus, I left all in His hands, and felt immortal till my work was done. Without that abiding consciousness of the presence and power of my dear Lord and Saviour, nothing else in all the world could have preserved me from losing my reason and perishing miserably. His words, Lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world, became to me so real that it would have startled me to behold Him, as Stephen did, gazing down upon the scene. I felt His supporting power, as did St. Paul, when he cried, I can do all things through Christ which strengthened me. It is the sober truth, and it comes back to me sweetly after twenty years, that I had my nearest and dearest glimpses of the face and smile of my blessed Lord in those dread moments when musket, club or spear was being levelled at my life. Oh the bliss of living and enduring, as seeing Him who is invisible! ...The assurance came to me, as if a voice out of Heaven had spoken, that not a musket would be fired to wound us, not a club prevail to strike us, not a speak leave the hand in which it was held, vibrating to be thrown, not an arrow leave the bow, or a killing stone the fingers, without the permission of Jesus Christ, whose is all power in Heaven and on Earth. He rules all Nature, animate and inanimate, and restrains even the Savage of the South Seas. In that awful hour I saw His own words, as if carved in letter of fire upon the clouds of Heaven: See, and ye shall find. Whatsoever ye shall ask in My Name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. I could understand how Stephen and John saw the glorified Saviour as they gazed up through suffering and persecution to the Heavenly Throne! Still, I was never left without hearing that promise in all its consoling and supporting power coming up through the darkness and anguish, Lo, I am with you always. With Paul I could say, even in this dread moment and crisis of being, I am persuaded that neither death nor life... no any other creature shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (6/117,148,154,207) I then lifted up my hands and eyes to the Heavens, and prayed aloud for Jesus to bless all my dear Tannese, and either to protect me or to take m home to Glory as He saw to be for the best. One after another they slipped away from me, and Jesus restrained once again. Did ever mother run more quickly to protect her crying child in dangers hour, than the Lord Jesus hastens to answer believing prayer and send help to His servants in His own good time and way, so far as it shall be for His glory and their good? A woman may forget her child, yet will I not forget thee, saith the Lord. Oh that all my readers knew and felt this, as in those days and ever since I have felt that His promise is a reality, and He is with His servants to support and bless them even unto the end of the world! (6/164) 2.11 The two boats were now loaded and ready to start. It was about two oclock in the afternoon, when a strange and painful trail befell us. Poor dear Mr. Mathieson, apparently unhinged, locked himself all alone into what had been his study, telling Mrs. Mathieson and me to go, for had resolved to remain and die on Tanna. We tried to show him the inconsistency of praying to God to protect us or grant us means of escape, and then refusing to accept a rescue sent to us in our last extremity. We argued that surely it was better to live and work for Jesus than to die as a self-made martyr, who in Gods sight was guilty of self-murder. His wife wept aloud and pled with him, but all in vain! He refused to leave or to unlock his door. I then said, It is now getting dark. Your wife must go with the vessel, but I will not leave you alone. I shall send a note explaining why I am forced to remain; and as it is certain that we shall be murdered whenever the vessel leaves, I tell you God will charge you with the guilt of our murder. At this he relented, unlocked the door and accompanied us to the boats, in which we all immediately left. Some unsophisticated souls who read these pages will be astonished to learn, but toehrs who know more of the heartless selfishness of human creatures will be quite prepared to hear, that my leaving Tanna was not a little criticised, and a great deal of nonsense was written, even in Church Magazine, about the breaking up of the Mission. All such criticism came, of course, from men who were themselves destitute of sympathy, and who, probably, never endured one pang for Jesus in all their comfortable lives. Conscious that I had, to the last inch of my life, tried to do my duty, I left all results in the hands of my only Lord, and all criticisms to his unerring judgement. Hard things also were occasionally spoke to my face. One dear friend for instance, said, You should not have left. You should have stood at the post of duty till you have left. It would have been to your honour, and better for the cause of the Mission, had you been killed at the post of duty like the Gordons and others. I replied I regard it as a greater honour to live and to work for Jesus, than to be a self-made martyr. God knows that I did not refuse to die; for I stood at the post of duty, amid difficulty and danger until all hope had fled, till everything I had was lost, and till God in answer to prayer sent a means of escape. I left with a clear conscience, knowing that in doing so I was following Gods leading, and serving the Mission too. 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