No one outgrows the need of restorative human relationships.

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Reading: John 19:25-27

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Jo De Blois is Chief of Staff at Puritan Reformed Seminary.

Christian and non-Christian agree, finding love is the most important part of being human?

But what does love mean and how do we find it? We are not at all agreed on that, as chapter 7 of Telling a Better Story explains.

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Podcast notes

Reading: Ephesians 5:22-31

Visit thestorychanger.life for more resources on changing our story with God’s Story.

‘Social justice’ originated in Christian thought and flowed out of the belief in divine justice. Today, ‘social justice’ is widely used by people who do not believe in God, never mind divine justice. Can you have human justice without divine justice? Can you have social justice without spiritual justice? Chapter 7 of Telling a Better Story says “No.”

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Podcast notes

Reading: Romans 3:21-26

Visit thestorychanger.life for more resources on changing our story with God’s Story.

INTRODUCTION

The most useful Christians I know are vulnerable Christians. Vulnerability is “a state of emotional exposure that comes with a certain degree of uncertainty. It involves a person’s willingness to accept the emotional risk that comes from being open and willing to love and be loved.”

I know Christians who will never admit to any weakness or any imperfection. There’s one in particular that I have in mind. She is completely impregnable. She views her perfection as a strength and looks down on everyone else as weak. She is the most critical Christian I know, the most disconnected, the most lacking in compassion, and the most useless. She has no friends and no ministry. She does not realize that vulnerability, weakness and imperfection multiplies courage, compassion, connection, and usefulness.

That’s why social scientist and researcher Brené Brown entitled her book on vulnerability: The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go Of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are: Your Guide to a Wholehearted Life. That’s not a specifically Christian book although we can learn from the truth that does appear in it. How important is vulnerability in the Christian life and in ministry?

BACKGROUND

Paul was in a conflict with spiritual enemies in Corinth who were seducing the Corinthians away from Paul and turning them against Paul. In the previous verses he practiced vulnerability by emotional and reasonable pleading with them to be reconciled not only to himself but to God. Knowing that his enemies would despise this exposure of his heart, he doubles down on his vulnerability in verses 3-13.

How does vulnerability begin?

1. VULNERABILITY CHAMPIONS OPEN HEARTS (3-11, 13)

Vulnerability in theory

We put no obstacle in anyone’s way, so that no fault may be found with our ministry (3)…We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians; our heart is wide open (11).

Paul’s tried to be as open, honest, transparent, authentic as he possibly can. He’s just poured himself out in pleading and persuading the Corinthians to be reconciled to God and himself. He doesn’t protect his own heart and feelings by distancing himself from them or denouncing them. He puts no obstacle in the way of his communication. He takes off the filters of self-image, fear, officialdom, tradition, family expectations, culture, etc., and lets them see deep into his heart.

Vulnerability in practice

Paul isn’t just theoretically vulnerable but practically vulnerable. Instead of hiding, minimizing, excusing, or spinning the reasons of the Corinthians’ rejection of him, he owns them and is open about. Vulnerability is the ability to let oneself be seen as we really are.

His humble commendation: but as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way (4)

His multiple sufferings: by great endurance, in afflictions, hardships, calamities, beatings, imprisonments, riots, labors, sleepless nights, hunger (4-5).

His unusual manner: by purity, knowledge, patience, kindness, the Holy Spirit, genuine love (6).

His simple methods: by truthful speech, and the power of God; with the weapons of righteousness for the right hand and for the left (7).

His mixed results: through honor and dishonor, through slander and praise. We are treated as impostors, and yet are true; as unknown, and yet well known; as dying, and behold, we live; as punished, and yet not killed; as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, yet possessing everything (8-10).

CHANGING OUR STORIES WITH GOD’S STORY

Value vulnerability. Jesus was even more vulnerable that Paul. He took vulnerability to the holy extreme of crucifixion to show how much he loved and cared. Through his wide open heart on Calvary, we see his courage, compassion, and connection which influences us in the same directions. The most useful Christians are the most vulnerable Christians.

Practice vulnerability: Vulnerability is liberating. Dads and husbands especially need to work at this. I’ve seen marriages and families transformed by male vulnerability. Vulnerability opens the way to ministry and helping others as well as getting help ourselves. Embrace imperfection and vulnerability. Let go of your need to please, perform, and perfect. Let go of being cool and always in control. Mark Twain wrote: Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you’ve never been hurt and live like it’s heaven on Earth.”

VULNERABILITY IS VALUABLE

So what makes us resist or even despise vulnerability?

2. VULNERABILITY CHALLENGES CLOSED HEARTS (12-13)

You are not restricted by us, but you are restricted in your own affections. In return (I speak as to children) widen your hearts also (12-13).

Common restrictions and limitations on vulnerability are:

• Self-image: “That’s not who I am…That’s not my character…That’s not who I want to be.”
• Reputation: “What about my reputation? What will my boss/pastor/friends/neighbors/peers think?”
• Position: “But people in my position have to maintain decorum and respect.”
• Tradition: “That’s not the way we’ve done things in the past.”
• Family: “But my family never did that and doesn’t do that….What would my parents say?”
• Culture: “But I’m Scottish/Dutch/German…we don’t do emotions.”

Ultimately, every single one of these come down shame to which is the opposite of vulnerability. If vulnerability is the way to connection, shame is the disconnector. As Paul said, “You are not restricted by us, but you are restricted in your own affections.” These internal emotions like shame are like so many padlocks and chains that keep us secure but also shut us off from others and shut others off from us. They limit our Christian usefulness and limit the help we can get from others. They narrow our hearts and narrow our usefulness. They disconnect us from ourselves and from others.

Paul speaks to them as his children, reminding them of his relationship to them, and his own courageous vulnerability even as their spiritual father, and therefore how they can trust him not to abuse or take advantage of their open hearts. Brown reminds us that “The original definition of courage, is from the Latin word ‘cor,’ meaning ‘heart.’ The original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. And so [the vulnerable] had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect.” Courage is being “willing to let go of who you think you should be in order to be who you are.” It’s speaking openly and honestly about who we are, what we’re feeling, and about our experiences.

CHANGING OUR STORIES WITH GOD’S STORY

Break your fear chains. Try to understand what’s holding you back from vulnerability. Name it and own it. Then take the first step to vulnerability. Don’t start by ‘spilling your guts’ on Facebook. Rather, start with one person you trust, somebody you have a close relationship with, someone who’s been vulnerable with you. Brené Brown said that it took her a year-long slugfest with vulnerability before she let it win.

Enjoy deep connection. Brené Brown’s research identified that the deepest connections happen when we are widely vulnerable. Brown says, “You cannot selectively numb. So when we numb vulnerability, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness.” “But it’s risky,” you protest. It is risky because we may lose, but we will certainly lose if we don’t. As Brown asked, “What’s the greater risk? Letting go of what people think or letting go of how I feel, what I believe, and who I am?”Start out with these small steps: “I’m scared…Can you help me…I don’t know…I’m hurting.” Every time you choose such courageous vulnerability, you make everyone a bit braver and you bring everyone a bit closer.

VULNERABILITY IS VICTORY

SUMMARY

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. Who do you know that practices Christ-like vulnerability and what’s the impact of it?

2. What did you think of vulnerability before this sermon? What do you think now?

3. What imperfections in your life are gift from God?

4. In what ways did Jesus show his vulnerability (even though he was morally perfect)?

5. What chains close your heart to vulnerability.

6. What first steps will you take towards vulnerability? Make a vulnerability plan.

PDF OF SERMON NOTES

INTRODUCTION

Pleasure is powerful. We love doing the things we love doing. That’s one of the reasons I wanted to frame the Ten Commandments as the ‘Ten Pleasures.’ If we can find pleasure in them, we will do them more heartily and lovingly.

This is especially important because our flesh, the world, and the devil have been very successful in presenting the commandments as pleasure-killers and therefore God as a great Killjoy-in-the-Sky. “They’re having fun…I’ll soon put a stop to that” “They’re happy… let me fix that.”

It’s therefore vital to highlight verses like Psalm 37:4 which call us to delight in God. Why and how should we delight in God?

BACKGROUND

We’ve been preparing the groundwork for viewing the Ten Commandments as the Ten Pleasures:

• The Path to Pleasure (Redemption, Relationship, Rules, Reward)
• The Person who is our Pleasure (Christ is revealed in the law)
• The Power of our Pleasure (We have an inner King, Teacher, Priest, husband)

Now we want to enjoy the first pleasure. Before we do so, notice three points

• The preface underlines that redemption and relationship (1-2) comes before rules and reward (3 ff)
• The context of freedom from bondage indicates that the commandments are part of our freedom.
• It’s the first commandment ands therefore the most important and most foundational.
• It’s stated negatively (no other gods beside me), but it implies the positive (have me as your only God)

It’s the positive aspect of the commandments that we want to focus on in this series, and therefore we will look at Psalm 37:4 which states the commandment positively.

This Psalm was written in the context of gross and painful injustice, everything going wrong in the world, and therefore it’s especially striking and stunning that David calls us to delight in God, to find joy, pleasure, and happiness in him.

What’s the positive of the first commandment?

1. GOD COMMANDS DELIGHT IN HIMSELF

Delight yourself in the Lord (Ps. 37:4).

Reject idols

There are many strong and successful competitors for our hearts. John Calvin described the human heart as an idol factory. Here are some of the idols that come off our conveyor belts every day.

God is not forbidding us from finding happiness in all these areas. He’s forbidding us putting them first in our hearts, putting them so high that they rival God’s exclusive place as our only God, or detaching any good in them from God. They must never become our identity, our security, our hope, our trust. They must not become our masters, our controlling influence, our primary interest, our greatest loyalty, or our worship.

The seriousness of idolatry is underlined by the words “you shall have no other gods before me.” That means ‘in God’s presence, in front of his eyes.’ Having an idol “before God” is like having sex with someone else in front of your husband or wife. God wants exclusive loyalty (Mat. 6:24; 22:37; Mk. 12:30)

Rejoice in God

God deserves our delight and can be our delight. He can be our greatest joy and pleasure, a source of ultimate and total satisfaction. We can be captivated, enthralled, excited, enthused, energized, ravished by God. That doesn’t always come immediately. There can be many steps from the depths of drudgery to the dream of divine delight.

Legalism > Obligation > Coercion > Drudge > Guilt > Fear > Resentment > Boredom > Rebellion >

Knowledge > Grace > Faith > Commitment > Obedience > Service > Comfort > Praise > Enjoy > Delight!

CHANGING OUR STORIES WITH GOD’S STORY

Rejoice that you know the one true God. The one true God is revealed in three persons: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. This is a beautiful symphony in three movements with a crescendo of joy beginning at Creation, increasing at Calvary, and then amplified worldwide at Pentecost.

Delight in this one true God. The Bible does not condemn pleasure but says, “Get it in God.” (Neh. 8:10; Ps. 34:8; 43:4; 63:3; 70:4; 100:2; Sos 2:3; Isa 58:14; Hab. 3:17-18; Gal. 5:22; Phil. 4:4)

GOD-ONLY DELIGHT
= GOD-SIZED DELIGHT

What does God promise his delighters?

2. GOD PROMISES TO SATISFY US WITH HIMSELF

…and he will give you the desires of your heart (Ps. 37:4).

God can do what no idol can do. He can fill and satisfy our hearts with himself. There’s so much of him to go around, no one will ever lack or lose out.

This promise does not mean that if we can delight in God enough he will give us whatever we want. No, it means that when we delight in God, he will change the desires of our heart so that he can give us what we desire. By delighting in him, we will want what he wants and desire what he desires.

A heart that delights in God is a heart that is being re-structured, re-ordered, and re-organized so that it wants God’s will and God’s glory more than anything else. When we delight in God we will only ask for what delights God. Nothing will give us more satisfaction and pleasure than God being satisfied and pleased.

Some people treat God like a call-center employee. We don’t care about who it is—their name, character, personality, past, interests, home—only about what he can do for us. But delighters are more interested in who God is than what he can do for us.

CHANGING OUR STORIES WITH GOD’S STORY

We become what we worship (Ps. 115:8). The more we delight in God, the more we will be like him and desire like him. Delighting in God develops us to be like God. We resemble what we revere. Worship changes us into his image, it restores his image in us (Rom. 8:29; 2 Cor. 3:18).

Delight in God to delight in his will. This applies both to actively obeying his prescriptive will (the moral law), and submitting to his providential will (the unfolding of his plan for our lives). Delight in God’s character, God’s Word, God’s world, God’s salvation, God’s church, God’s worship, God’s people, God’s mouth, God’s ears, God’s eyes, God’s hand, God’s mind, Gods heart. Delight in the Father, in the Son, and in the Holy Spirit. Why not give it a try?

GOD-SATISFACTION IS OUR SATISFACTION
GOD-DELIGHT IS OUR DELIGHT

SUMMARY

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

1. What do you find most pleasure in? How does that affect you and change you?

2. Why is misrepresenting God as a killjoy the devil’s favorite tactic?

3. What idols have you (or are you) delighted in?

4. How do the words ‘before me’ in the first commandment help you to worship God alone?

5. How can you better do and delight in God’s prescriptive will and submit to his providential will?

6. How does this sermon change your view of God? Of the Christian life? Of evangelism?

PDF OF SERMON NOTES

Moving from our supper to the Lord’s Supper.

Reading: Luke 22:14, 27

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Meribeth Schierbeek is a biblical counselor for woman.