Should you share your sexual past with the person you plan to marry? Paul Maxwell explores the “How to?” of this in You Are Not Damaged Goods: On Dating with a Sexual History, but he doesn’t deal with the “Should you?” He gives good advice for couples who decide to have this conversation, but simply assumes that they will have it.

But should they?

Personally, I’ve never been convinced that this is always necessary or wise for a dating or an engaged couple. When I’ve counseled Christian couples getting married, I’ve always offered to talk with them about this subject if they wish, but I’ve never insisted on it (usually much to their relief!). I’ve suggested that they chat with one another about it if one or other feels it necessary, but again, I have never pressurized them.

Maybe it’s my more conservative Scottish background because although it seems to be a common practice in American pre-marital counseling, I had never heard of such a thing in Scotland. As Paul’s article makes clear, and I have heard of from others forced into having these conversations, serious long-term relational damage can result (more than just the consequences mentioned by Paul).

I can conceive of some circumstances where one’s sexual past should be disclosed and discussed. For example it would be wise to consider this:

• If there’s been an STD in the past.
• If there has been some abuse that might make it difficult for one or other to view or experience sex positively.
• If there’s been habitual sexual immorality, especially if it’s been something close to a sex addiction.
• If there’s the likelihood that someone from one’s sexual past could resurface to threaten the marriage.
• If one party is sexually experienced and the other is a virgin.
• If the immorality occurred after coming to faith and therefore may affect a Christian’s public witness.
• If there has been an abortion.

But, outside of these (and similar) circumstances, if it’s two Christians getting married I simply encourage them to let the blood of Christ cover their sexual pasts just as it has every other sin in their pasts, and to seek the purging of their consciences and bodies through faith in the perfect Bridegroom. 

Am I wrong?

Blogs

Why You Should Read 50 Books This Year (and how to do it)
If you’re doing the 2016 Reading Challenge with Tim Challies, you probably want to read this. Best piece of advice comes from Thomas Davis, author of Unhooked: How to Break Bad Habits and Form Good Ones That Stick, who says:

You have to make reading a habit instead of waiting until you’re in the mood. Identify a constant trigger for when to read (like an existing habit) and commit to it,” he writes in his blog. “I read for 30 minutes every morning, immediately after my wife goes to work. As soon as I’ve kissed her goodbye, I sit at my desk, set a timer for 30 minutes, and read without interruption. By scheduling when to read, you begin to look forward to it, and can enjoy it guilt-free.”

43 Years After Roe, Hope is Alive
Here’s a super-encouraging and super-informative article by Robert George.

Evidence is everywhere that our prayers and efforts are availing. Hearts are turning. Young and old are gaining strength, confidence, and courage. They are committing to the cause, deepening their commitment to the cause, finding their voices. We shall overcome.

Rethinking our Relaxing
A fascinating interview with Paul Heintzman, author of Leisure and Spirituality: Biblical, Historical, and Contemporary Perspectives, an academic study of how Christians through the years have viewed and practiced rest and relaxation.

The Most Important Ingredient to Improve Your Marriage
Tim Lane asks, “What fuels a strong, resilient, enjoyable marriage?” His answer:

Most people would immediately answer with suggestions like better communication and the ability to resolve conflicts. As important as those skills are, it is actually much more simple than that. According to marriage and relationship expert John Gottman, it boils down to one thing: friendship!

Why I Challenged My Kids To Start A Business Before College
I love this idea.

When our two daughters finished their high school studies, my wife and I made them a deal: we would pay for college, but first they each had to run their own business for at least a year. In our view, this was an important entrepreneurial track to their education. They needed to know how the world works before they could know what they wanted from college.

Kindle Books

Beginning at Moses: A Guide to Finding Christ in the Old Testament by Michael Barrett $0.99. Oh, this is gold, get it now before the offer ends.

Preaching and Preachers by Martyn Lloyd Jones (updated edition) $3.99. Surely every preacher has this?

The Pastor Theologian: Resurrecting an Ancient Vision $3.99.

Miracle in the Andes: 72 Days on the Mountain and My Long Trek Home $1.99. Not a Christian book, but a phenomenal story of human endurance.

Blogs

How a 29-Year-Old G. K. Chesterton Flipped 4 Arguments Against Christianity Upside-Down | TGC
“Chesterton did not dismiss the arguments against Christianity. He recognized the truth in each objection, but then he turned the objection inside out in order to make a case against the skeptic. His conclusion is just as memorable as his defense, with a brilliant twist at the end:”

5 benefits of praying the Psalms | Southern Blog
“Praying the Bible means talking to God about what comes to mind as you read the Bible. Usually you might read the passage first, then go back and pray through what you just read.”

18 Reasons the Abortion Industry is Losing Its Support by George Grant | Ligonier Ministries Blog
“In short, one scandal after another has hit the abortion industry, its medical personnel, its educators, its researchers, its lobbyists, and its administrators. As a result, its ‘Teflon’ reputation is starting to wear a little thin and its ‘grand illusion’ has begun to lose its luster.”

A Fragile Life Worth All Our Love | Desiring God
“I was 21 years old when I sat in a high-risk pregnancy clinic with my wife after her level-two ultrasound. Doctors told us Levi had all the markers for Down syndrome. After declining an amniocentesis, we were ushered straight away into the next room where a genetic counselor told us we had ‘options.’ She explained we were too far along at 22-weeks pregnant to terminate in Minnesota, but they could connect us with someone in Chicago or Phoenix. My wife and I sat shell-shocked – first from the news about our son’s diagnosis and second from the attempts to exterminate him.”

The Character of the Christian: Above Reproach | Tim Challies
This is a calling not just for elders, but for all Christians. Tim unpacks what this means in our lives.

What are the most up-to-date stats on porn? | Covenant Eyes
Information about current stats as well as the Set Free Summit in the Spring.

Kindle Books

Making a Difference in Preaching: Haddon Robinson on Biblical Preaching by Haddon Robinson ($1.99)

The Top Ten Mistakes Leaders Make by Hans Finzel ($2.99)

Visions of Vocation: Common Grace for the Common Good by Steven Garber ($2.99)

Video

Marco Rubio: Pastor in Chief?
I can’t quite figure out Marco Rubio. This is impressive, but in another video, he says he is “I am fully, theologically and doctrinally aligned with the Roman Catholic Church.”

The past few days we’ve been shuddering at three R-Rated biblical images of the tongue: A Dangerous Fire, A World of Evil, and a Savage Beast. The fourth and final image that the Apostle James horrifies us with is that of a Polluted Spring.

Residents in Flint, Michigan, understand this better than anyone right now. For years their taps supplied them with clear, clean water. A couple of years ago the city decided to change water supplier. Little did the residents know that the same taps that had refreshed them for years were now pumping polluted water into their lives. Not until a spike in numerous illnesses was noticed at local hospitals some months later did investigations discover that the water had dangerously high levels of lead in it. The same tap that had been a source of health was now a source of illness. We protest, “These things ought not so to be!”

That’s exactly what James exclaims when he sees some who had been praising God turn to gossiping about those who bear God’s image (James 3:9-11).

James Montgomery Boice summed this scenario up best with a sermon entitled “Ten Minutes After the Sermon.” If I recall correctly, his points were: (1) From Glorying to Gossip, (2) From Catechism to Criticism, (3) From Worshipping to Wounding, (4) From Praising to Polluting.

It’s piercing, isn’t it! Because we’ve all done it. And it’s so, so easy to keep doing it. In fact, it’s the hardest thing in the world to stop. So much so that James says: “If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body” (James 3:2). That’s right, if we can conquer this sin, we can conquer them all. If your tongue is not a dangerous fire, or a world of evil, or a savage beast, or a polluted spring, you are PERFECT.

But James is only being hypothetical, isn’t he?

Not necessarily.

Is it not likely that when James thought of this possibility of a perfect man, he was thinking of his own brother, the Lord Jesus? The one whose lips were so “full of grace and truth” that “all marveled at the gracious words which proceeded out of His mouth” (Luke 4:22). Even His enemies exclaimed: “Never man spoke like this man” (John 7:46).

James brings me from my own imperfections to Christ’s perfections and reminds me that Christ’s tongue has been imputed to me. My Judge looks at my tongue and, instead of seeing a jungle full of wild animals, He sees a tongue full of grace and truth. Instead of seeing an R-Rating, He sees a G. Indeed, He sees perfection.

If Christ can beat that sin, He can beat them all.

Blogs

Why I Wrote a Book about the Marrow Controversy | Crossway: Sinclair Ferguson
“Almost everywhere I have gone to preach, speak, or lecture, someone has said to me, “I have listened to your Marrow tapes [yes, "tapes"!]“”

Dealing with Winter Time Depression | Biblical Counseling Coalition ” Charles Hodges
“For reasons only my ancestors know, I live on the gloomy side of winter in Indiana. My earliest childhood memories of winter seemed to be mostly in black and white, because for days the sun just didn’t shine. And, while I have not suffered anything near a DSM-5 defined depression, the grayness of winter holds little joy for me. My mood shifts with the sunshine. I suspect that is true for many of us.”

7 Ways to Grow in the Art of Communication | Ligonier: Joel Beeke
“We need to understand that communication is an art that we all must learn better. It does not come naturally. Here are seven principles to help you to grow in this art, that you might teach your children:”

For the success of others | Gentle Reformation
“Here’s what stood out to me the most: Dave was deeply and genuinely delighted when he believed one of his disciples surpassed him in some way or another. He was quick to point out how this one became such a great preacher or how this other one had a better way with certain people. Although we would shudder to ever claim such things, it gave Dave such joy.”

Going All-in With Ebook | Tim Challies
Tim is definitely selling his library. Probably.

Dietary Laws and the Gospel | The Christward Collective: Charles Barrett
“Each year Christians set out to read through the Bible in a year. Expectations are set and excitement runs high. But it is not long into the reading program the reader commences the book of Leviticus. Starting with laws pertaining to the various offerings the reader enters a world that seems far and distant from his own. We find little to immediately encourage our walk with the Lord and so the temptation to skip over the book or move to the New Testament increases.”

Kindle Books

Questioning Evangelism by Randy Newman $1.99. “A much-needed look at sharing Christ with unbelievers, based not on the techniques of guerrilla hard-sell tactics, but on engaging questions and caring interaction.”

Divine Design: God’s Complementary Roles for Men and Women by John Macarthur $2.99.

New Books

New book from Joel Beeke published by RHB: Portraits of Faith: What Five Biblical Characters Teach Us About Our Life with God.

Video

Master Penman Jake Weidmann

I find it really easy to worship my Creator why I see such creativity in his image-bearers.

Every kind of animal, fish, or bird can be tamed. Savage lions can be made to jump through hoops, hawks can sit on a man’s hand to do his bidding, serpents can be trained to dance, and killer whales are Seaworld entertainers.

That’s not just a modern phenomena. The Apostle James surveyed the whole animal kingdom of his day and concluded:  ”For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and creature of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by mankind” (James 3:7).

But then he stops as his eyes lock on a beast that “no man can tame.” What is it? Look closer. It’s the human tongue!

It is fiercer than a lion, has sharper talons that a hawk, is full of deadly poison, and has killed multitudes.

James is saying that we would have a better chance of going into a jungle, meeting a tiger, and taming it, than we have hope of taming our own tongues. Yes, it’s easier to tame a tiger than a tongue.

If you were told that a tiger had gotten into your house, you’d go home from work a bit more carefully, wouldn’t you? You’d approach the door with extreme caution. You’d open the door only having taken multiple precautions.

James is calling us to exercise the same care and caution with our tongues. To open our mouths with the same trepidation as opening that house door.

As Winston Churchill said, “The power of man has grown in every sphere except over himself.”

But there’s hope here amidst the warnings. Notice, it says, no man can tame. No MAN can.

But GOD can.

God can tame our tongue and turn it from being a killer to a creator, from being a destroyer to being a creator.