Scots don’t do praise

May 21, 2012  David Murray   13 comments

Scots don’t do praise. Of God, yes (a little), but not praise of one another.

Instead, we specialize in pulling people down, thinking the worst of others, and puncturing anyone who achieves anything. We can’t let a compliment pass without balancing it out with a criticism, and woe betide anyone who makes anything of life: “They’re just full of themselves!”

Where did this come from? Well, there’s no question that the cynical “build ‘em up to pull ‘em down” media is partly to blame. The evil envy of rabid and rampant socialism has also eaten away at much goodwill and gratitude towards achievement and achievers. But I’m afraid that a distorted Calvinism has also contributed to this soul-shriveling cynicism.

American Contrast
I didn’t see it so clearly when I was part of it, but with the distance of 5 years in the USA between me and my beloved homeland, it’s painfully easy to recognize and grieve over.

Perhaps it’s especially the contrast of my American sojourn that’s helped me to identify this Scottish ailment and my own contribution to it. Because if there’s one thing I can say about Americans, it’s that they are probably the most optimistic and cheerful people I’ve ever met.

True, this warm openness can sometimes lapse into gullibility: witness Jimmy Swaggert, Benny Hinn, Joel Osteen, Barings, Lehmans, J P Morgan, etc. They wouldn’t have got very far in Scotland, I can assure you. However, there’s something so refreshing about the American desire to think the best, say the best, and do the best to others. The cheerful celebration of success and the willingness to offer encouragement and praise is such a contrast to so much of Scottish life, and yes even of Scottish church life.

Distorted Calvinism
But why did I partly blame a distorted Calvinism for this? Well, the biblical belief in the total depravity of all men and women seems to have been sometimes misapplied to exclude any appreciation of humanity, even of redeemed humanity. “Don’t want to make him/her/them proud, do we!” Praise, encouragement, appreciation, affirmation is somehow thought to be incompatible with a belief in the universal sinfulness of men and women. To praise is to apostatize; to encourage is to backslide; to recognize achievement is to risk the damnation of the achiever.

If someone is praised, get a criticism in quick. If someone does well, remind them and everyone else of their previous failures. If someone gets a promotion, “Well, what goes up, must come down (hopefully).”

There are happy Scottish exceptions of course, but the corrosive effects of this negative spirit are wide and deep, and still plague me too.

Practicing Praise
That’s why I found Sam Crabtree’s Practicing Affirmation so challenging and yet so helpful. I’m amazed that this book has not had much wider “affirmation.” As John Piper says in the foreword, it’s a “one-of-a-kind book.” Do you know any other book that deals with the subject of how to praise others and to do so as a habit of life? No neither do I; and yet, as Sam demonstrates, it’s a topic with lots of Scriptural support and explanation, together with huge consequences for our families, friendships, and fellowships.

And although I think Scots like myself need to practice affirmation far more than Americans, there’s no question that American Christians increasingly need it too.

Worrying trends
I say that because among other worrying recent trends in America, I’m afraid that the celebration of good is weakening and a cynical critical spirit is spreading. I can’t say for sure where this has come from, but the inundation of bad news at home and abroad, the hostile hate-filled political climate, unjust corporate rewards, and our President’s regular planting and cultivating of class and economic envy have all played their heart-chilling, soul-shrinking roles.

So, if you want to learn what affirmation is, how to practice it, and what blessings it will bring to your life, stay tuned to the blog this week as I review Sam’s book. Or better still, buy the book and start praising God for His work in and through you and others. And maybe praise a few people along the way too.

Practicing Affirmation Review (1): Scots don’t do praise
Practicing Affirmation Review (2): 10 ways to praise people
Practicing Affirmation Review (3): Is the “sandwich method” a lot of baloney?
Practicing Affirmation Review (4): Should we praise unbelievers?

  • http://homeschoolonthecroft.blogspot.com/ Anne

    Were you listening in to our conversation last night?!! Having listened (again) to Rev JB’s lecture in the Marriage and Family series where he speaks of the ‘sandwich’ approach to giving criticism (the meat of criticism surrounded by the bread of affirmation and compliments), hubby and I had a bit of a laugh trying to do the ‘compliments and affirmation part. In true Scottish style, we truly struggled with the compliments parts without bursting into fits of laughter. ‘That is soooooo not us’, was our conclusion.

    (Having said *all* that, my husband does know he is the kindest, most hard-working, loving, trustworthy husband I could ever imagine. And yes, I even manage to tell him these things. Often ;)

    • http://headhearthand.org/blog/ David Murray

      Yes, we’ve been trying that sandwich too – but we keep choking on it!

  • John Ross

    David, this is well said. The ministry of encouragement (practising affirmation) is vitally important to help shrivelled, stunted, discouraged Christians stand tall once more and recognise themselves as the sons and daughters of the King. To that end I would like to see the practice established in our Scottish Presbyterian churches of a prayer of confession at the commencement of the service (a la Book of Common Prayer), followed by the ministerial declaration, in God’s Name, of absolution. Our people need to hear, time without number, that they are pardoned and accepted. Such words of absolution, said John Knox, are “holie and holesome medicine” taking away “all trembling and dreadful feare” and communicating “a stoute courage in the middes of … adversiteis.”

    I recently wrote this as a member of the Free Church College Quinquennial Visitation Committee: “For various reasons, usually more temperamental than principial, there seems to be a cultural reluctance to be effusive in praise. It is sometimes argued that it is harmful to a young man’s spiritual growth to have his self-importance inflated by hearing he has done well. Well, be that as it may. Counterbalancing this somewhat spurious concern, Scripture in many places calls us to speak words that confirm, commend, encourage and strengthen.”

    • http://headhearthand.org/blog/ David Murray

      That’s one of the most sensible suggestions I’ve every seen in a church report!

      I preach in quite a few churches over her that do the confession/declaration of pardon. The idea is good in principle, but I get the impression that through repetition it just becomes part of the form/routine and therefore loses impact power. Maybe if it could be done from time to time it might have the desired effect.

  • James Boyd

    Is there perhaps also the side that we Scots don’t know how to accept/receive praise, as it’s so rarely given?

    • http://headhearthand.org/blog/ David Murray

      You’re definitely right, there, James. Were not good at that either.

      • http://justmerach.wordpress.com Rachel Boyd

        J,

        Having the priveledge of the American influence in my life right now, (and being your BIG sister :-P ) I guess it is about time I set you a good example :-)

        An anecdote for now:

        A dear friend at church told me she is praying for me that “my joy would be full”. It is one of the nicest things that anyone has ever said to me. It choked me up when she told me, and still brings tears to my eyes when I remember it, and every time I see her.

        It does not quite fit the category of praise, but it is certainly encouragement. And encouragment to render praise to God, which is a heart-warming exercise.

        ~Rachel

  • http://nwbingham.com Nathan W. Bingham

    Scots are not alone. We Aussies are good and not giving praise as well.

    • http://headhearthand.org/blog/ David Murray

      It’s your Scottish roots showing.

  • Dan

    I can claim neither Scottish or Aussie descent, but the plague of withholding praise falls on me too. Perhaps also a sinful function of my melancholic temperament? I am afraid that my growing interest in Reformed theology has only revealed another sordid flavor of perfectionism and a critical spirit within me, while I ought instead to be thanking God for revealing a deeper view of the Gospel to me.

    A new understanding of God does indeed provide a deep level of joy within me, but it seems that those closest to me don’t see it, and I believe much of it is driven by my own introversion and the lack of an immediate circle of friends who share my same interest.

    Fellowship via online means and conferences is certainly helpful, but there is nothing like having like-minded friends with whom we can relate regularly. So my own angle might be more on a level of intellectual/emotional loneliness than on a distorted Calvinism. Most believers around me act rather ho-hum (at best!) about Reformed theology, so my response over time is to feel increasingly alone and resentful as I focus on my own circumstances and emotions. Why should any believer feel alone in the midst of other believers? But it happens, and it does lead to resentment.

    Switching gears as I close: Thank you Nathan (or rather, I thank God for you, Nathan!) for your efforts on the Tabletalk beta, and in furthering the Gospel in this manner! I love Tabletalk; though we’ve never met, your efforts are highly appreciated! I read TT nearly every day.

  • John Mowat

    (Sadly) well analysed, David, you’re spot on.
    Speaking as a Glaswegian, I recognize exactly what you describe as all-too-prevalent in the wider Scottish culture. That such a virus should often infect the church is another example of capitulation to the spirit of the age, rather than opportunity for counter-cultural witness.
    Looking forward to your review of Sam’s book…

  • David

    As an American of mixed Scottish, Irish, English, Swedish, and German descent, my experience is that nearly all of Northern Europe has been plagued by that attitude for several generations. We Americans actually inherited it and continued it for a while. I think what you’re seeing in the US now is a reaction against that – perhaps even an over-reaction in some cases, as with parents who praise their children so highly for every little thing that they grow up jaded and feeling that all praise is feigned. The current therapeutic atmosphere can’t offer a real solution. It must grow from truly Christian soil. Thanks for shedding some light on this issue.

  • Frederika Pronk

    It’s not only the Scots who “don’t do praise.” The Dutch don’t’ either (at least, they didn’t). Having lived on and off in the U.S. for nearly two decades, I did notice that this trait seems to have been modified among the Americans tracing Dutch descent. I also noticed that they do volunteering very well – probably stemming from the same “praise” trait. I have wondered whether the lack you point out it is not due to a certain kind of preaching on Lord’s Day 33 of the Heidelberg Catechism, where we are taught that our good works do not earn salvation (and rightly so). That part of the Lord’s Day would be emphasized in the preaching/teaching but little would be said about the part in this Lord’s Day about the “delight to live according to the will of God in all good works.” Interestingly, this morning in our in our daily devotional, Faith Alone, by Martin Luther on Gal.5:13, Luther laments the fact that the people of his day were now living a loose life, focusing on grace alone.

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