Have you ever dealt with someone who will not take responsibility?
No matter what happens, someone else is always to blame.
They have a deep sense of injustice over the way life is unfolding for them.
They feel unfairly treated in every area of life: work, school, relationships, sport, family, etc.
They’re not prepared to work particularly hard in any of these areas, and yet expect to have the best job, the best results, the best friendships, the best scores, etc.
The core belief is “I deserve better.”
How do you deal with this? How would you help this person?
I want to change their core belief to, “I get what I deserve.” I feel this would make them take responsibility and stop blaming everyone else when things don’t work out.
“If I don’t get a job, it’s because I didn’t look hard enough. If I fail my exam, it’s because I didn’t study hard enough. If I don’t have any friends, it’s because I’m not friendly to others. If I don’t win, it’s because I didn’t train hard enough, etc.”
I want to burn into their soul, “I get what I deserve. I get what I deserve. I get what I deserve.”
Because that’s generally how the world works. At times we might suffer a bit of unfairness, and at other times we might enjoy more success than we worked for. But, in general, hard work is rewarded and laziness is punished. We get what we deserve.
And yet. And yet. I hesitate. At least I hesitate to press this too hard.
Because I don’t want to undermine the principle and power of GRACE.
I want this person to be converted to Christ. I want them to embrace salvation by grace, I want them to enjoy the magnificent mercy of being saved despite what we deserve. I want them to experience the exhilarating exchange of “I got what Jesus deserved, and Jesus got what I deserved” (2 Cor. 5:21).
I want them to get the principle and power of GRACE in salvation more than anything else in the world.
Yet I also want them to get the principle and power of JUSTICE in vocation, education, etc.
How do I balance this? How do I prioritize? How do I avoid the “dangers” of grace? How do I avoid the dangers of justice? A life is passing, attitudes are hardening, habits are setting, worldview is engraining.
Can someone help me here?