Although gay marriage is now legal in all 50 states, don’t expect to see long lines of homosexuals applying for marriage licenses (especially after the initial publicity-seeking flurry is over). After 10 years of same-sex marriage in the Netherlands, it turns out, gay marriage is relatively rare. The central statistics are:

  • Just 20 percent of Dutch homosexual couples are married, compared with 80 percent of heterosexual couples.
  • Dutch survey data suggests that 2.8% of Dutch men and 1.4% of Dutch women are gay or lesbian.
  • About 8% of gay and lesbian people have chosen to marry.

Why so little take-up of same-sex marriage?

Vera Bergkamp, head of a Dutch gay rights organization, says there are three main reasons for the lack of nuptial enthusiasm among gay couples:

Less pressure from family and friends, fewer gay couples marrying to have children than their straight counterparts, and a more individualist, less family‐orientated mindset among many homosexuals.

Why then has so much time, money, and effort been invested in a gay marriage drive that that will only result in a small percent of a tiny percent actually being married?

As I’ve written beforeGay marriage is not primarily about gay marriage, it is mainly about silencing gay consciences. But there’s a second reason. Gay marriage is also about silencing Christians.

Silencing Christians

If I hated God and despised Christians, I’d be an ardent supporter of same-sex marriage. What better way to express enmity against God and His people? That’s a major reason why so many homosexuals who will never marry, and why so many heterosexuals who have no interest in same-sex marriage, wanted it legalized and mandated by the Supreme Court. They wanted a weapon to shove in the face of God and to wield against His faithful people. And the Supreme Court effectively handed our heads to them on a platter. Just watch as this instrument of “equal love” is now wielded against all dissenters. You’re about to see some very unequal hate.

Yes, there will be high-profile cases where pastors and other prominent Christians will be convicted, bankrupted, and imprisoned for so-called hate crimes. Businesses will continue to be targeted and closed down for any explicit or implicit disapproval of same-sex weddings.

But much of the persecution will go largely unnoticed, behind closed doors, in the everyday lives of ordinary Christians: jobs will not be offered, promotions will not be awarded, contracts will be lost, team positions will be forfeited, downsizing will carefully “select” its victims, our children will suffer lost opportunities, our churches will be penalized. All for holding the “wrong view” of marriage; which was the right view in all human civilization until the last few years.

Loving Darkness, Hating Light

We are about to see as we have never seen before in the West in our lifetime: “Light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. For everyone practicing evil hates the light” (John 3:19-20).

Remember what happened to the two angels when they came into Sodom (Genesis 19). A whole city of homosexuals lined up to attack them. And even when God blinded them, they still searched and scrabbled at the door to get to their intended victims.

As they weren’t exactly lacking in opportunities for homosexual sex, what motivated their irrational desire to attack these two particular men? They saw holiness as they had never seen it before, they saw brighter light than ever before, and they were nearer to God than ever before.  And the holiness had to be quashed; the light had to be extinguished; the god-like-ness had to be erased.

That, I believe is what gay marriage is about for many (note, I did not say ALL) homosexuals, and for many heterosexuals too. Yes, it’s about silencing conscience; but it’s also about silencing Christians. And ultimately it’s about silencing God.

(I know there are many “moderate” homosexuals out there who just want to live a quiet life, who don’t want anything to do with persecuting Christians, and who are embarrassed about what bad winners many gay leaders are being. But I’m giving up hope that such moderates will ever have the courage to speak up against their own radicals and fundamentalists.)

So, don’t expect a flood of same-sex marriages. But do expect a flood of “hate-crime” laws and “non-discrimination statutes,” and “conditional government contracts.” And then a flood of Christian victims.

Unless there’s a flood of fire and brimstone first.

Flood of Love

In the meantime, we have an opportunity to love our haters as never before.

No, we will never agree with your same-sex marriage or do anything that in any way expresses approval of same-sex weddings. But if you do marry (and if you don’t), we will love you in every other way possible; we will love you in ways that will surprise and astonish you.

We’ll bless you when you curse us.

We’ll pray for you when you abuse us.

We’ll be kind to you when you are cruel to us.

We’ll not retaliate when you ruin us.

We’ll defend your right to speak and disagree with us even when you want to silence us.

We’ll be a Good Samaritan to you when you are a road-crosser and other-sider to us.

We’ll employ you for non-faith-related jobs if you are the best candidate, even though you want to bankrupt our businesses.

We’ll help you when you’re poor even though you want to impoverish us.

We’ll not insult you when you call us bigots.

We’ll be the best neighbors you’ve ever had.

We’ll love you as much as we love ourselves – and that’s a lot.

And we just have two simple requests of you. Accept that, because of the Bible’s teaching, we will never agree with gay marriage. And please don’t ask us to do anything for your weddings.

That’s it. Is that really too much to ask?

  • Fred Wright

    Great post David. The USA feels like a strange place this morning! I think your predictions of the consequences for God’s people are realistic, unfortunately. I am curious if you know how the Christians have fared in the Netherlands and other countries where same sex marriage has been established for awhile?

  • Mark Alan Williams

    Very insightful. Thank you David.

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  • Blair Brown

    I found the statistics you cited concerning gay marriage in
    the Netherlands fascinating. You also make a good point concerning the utility
    of marriage in the gay community.

    The Supreme Court justified its ruling by invoking the ideas
    of personal choice and autonomy as its first rationale. Nevertheless, the
    American ideals of personal autonomy and free will readily crumble, when you
    examine them in light of our highly social humanity. Americans consider them
    sacred or near-sacred ideas despite their irrationality, and we invoke them to
    vindicate a range of behaviors. Moreover, we use them to socially excommunicate
    and isolate social dissenters. These erroneous ideas possess an extraordinary
    power, and must be defeated before we can make any headway on issues involving
    sex, family, and marriage.

  • Diane Bucknell

    This was beautiful. Your list of how we ought to continue loving really helped me today as I scrolled through all my facebook friends who have rainbow profile pics. Thank you.

  • Randall Kirkland

    Thank you dear brother. My heart needs to be broken over these men and women who are outside of Christ and captive to the ruler of this world, and your blog helped make that happen.

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  • Marjolein de Blois

    Thank you for this post. I do fear for the tendency I see in many churches to use the gay community as scapegoat. This way, of course they will attack Christians! Where is the Christ like attitude, who didn’t preach from the pulpit who was a sinner and who was a saint, but he preached against the righteous people who condemned the sinners. Jesus went to the sinners and was their friend, not condemning and not judging and they were changed by pure love. No pulpit hatred but personal love. The problem of societies decay is the church where the Spirit has left, not the world itself. Let’s show a Christ like attitude and focus on Christ instead of preaching condemnation and judgment, and say: yes, you struggle with homosexuality, I struggle with heterosexuality, we are just alike sinners, and let the love of Christ change their hearts. Be an example, not a hater and God will change and warm society. One more benefit will this reap: the gay people who struggle with their identity in church and will never come clean because of this scapegoating will finally know that Christ died for them too and that in the church he will feel no hatred and opposition but love like Christ.

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