The three books I recommend most for fighting porn are:
Finally Free: Fighting for Purity With The Power of Grace by Heath Lambert.
Sexual Detox: A Guide for Guys Who Are Sick of Porn by Tim Challies.
Soul Purity: A Workbook for Counselors and Small Groups by Dave Coats.
Tim’s book is usually where I start guys with this problem, especially if it’s younger men or men who are not big readers. I then usually graduate them on to Heath’s book, as it is more in-depth and a more demanding read. Soul Purity takes a workbook approach, and is most effective where a counselor, pastor, etc., is prepared to walk someone through the process over a period of time. It’s especially good for maintaining accountability.
On top of the great biblical teaching you’ll find in these books, let me add five tips which can help strengthen the will-power for this life-or-death battle.
1. Exercise. Work out rather than act out. Vigorous and regular physical exercise removes stress and tension from the system, expels unhealthy chemicals, and starts the production of good chemicals. The discipline of self-denying exercise also seems to help discipline and self-denial in other areas of life
2. Sleep. Regular and sufficient sleep also increases will-power. Studies have proven that sleep-deprivation (less than six hours a night) increases the likelihood of immoral behavior. Bill Clinton admitted that his worst sexual sins were committed when he was most stressed and sleep-deprived.
3. Routine. We function best when our lives are are orderly and follow a regular pattern. When our sleeping, eating, working, playing habits are all over the pace, so will be our minds and wills. The more routine and rhythmic our daily schedules, the more we will engender good habits and weaken bad ones.
4. Talk. I know, guys don’t talk, especially not about this. But it’s one of the most effective defensive weapons. Here’s how Carl Stewart put it in 3 Powerful Porn Triggers (And How to Overcome Them):
The best thing you can do when you find yourself in the middle of the Devil’s Triangle [of triggers] is connect with someone. Not hook up with a woman. Not talk with another dude about football. Talk with someone you know and trust, and tell them what you are thinking and feeling. (Yes, I just used the “F” word for guys.)
Here’s why you need to do this: simply acknowledging your thoughts and feelings to another person actually calms these feelings. It regulates them.
Your brain releases oxytocin–the same hormone released during sex (smaller amount) when you connect in this way. This calms the brain down and pulls you out of free fall.
Just telling someone–not even problem solving–is a powerful antidote for the Devil’s Triangle.
I can’t tell you how often men come back into my office after actually trying this. They doubted me, told me it isn’t their style. Former soldiers, hard driving businessmen, engineers, all of them. They are all shocked at how well this works.
I beg you, I dare you to try this.
5. Accountability. See Covenant Eyes for filtering and accountability services on computers, laptops, and mobile devices. Ask someone to disable Safari and any other dangerous Apps on your iPhone and install the Covenant Eyes browser instead.