Counseling 101

For a number of years Dr Joel Beeke has been teaching a “Family Living Class” after our Sunday morning service. You can listen to some of these addresses here, and I highly recommend that you do. They are packed full of helpful practical advice for marriage and child-raising.

With Dr Beeke preaching elsewhere yesterday, I was privileged to teach the Family Living Class myself. I started teaching my “Counseling Q&A” course, which is an introduction to counseling in Q&A format. The first seven Q&A’s are below, and I’ve also attached a pdf (download here) containing a brief exposition of each Q&A.

Q1. Why is counseling necessary?

Counseling is necessary because of our sinful hearts, their sinful fruits, and the resulting problematic consequences.

Q2. Why should all Christians study counseling?

Christians should study counseling because to some degree we all regularly give and receive counsel, and therefore we need help to know what to say and also what to listen to.

Q3. What is Christian counseling?

Christian counseling aims to bring individual sinners to repentance and faith in Christ, and to restore individuals broken by sin’s consequences to wholeness, by a wise use of God’s Word and works, for God’s glory.

Q4. What is a Christian counselor?

A Christian counselor uses biblical knowledge, spiritual experience, the Christian community, and common grace insights to help restore sinners to spiritual, moral, relational, vocational, mental and bodily health.

Q5. Who is qualified to be a Christian counselor?  

The qualifications of a Christian counselor are thorough biblical knowledge, patient compassion for sinners, mature Christian experience, good communication skills, immersion in the Christian community, and a humble awareness of personal limitations.

Q6. What is the one and only solution for sin? 

The one and only solution for sin is repentance and faith.

Q7. What is the solution to sin’s consequences?  

The solution to sin’s consequences is a synthesis of words, action, and medical help, all subject to God’s Word.

 

Counseling 1.pdf
Download this file

Religion. Sex. Power.

Why are so many Christian politicians involved in sex scandals?

Michael Lindsay is professor of sociology at Rice University. He’s also the author of Faith in the Halls of Power, widely acknowledged as the definitive account of evangelicals in positions of elite influence. Here’s his insightful answer to that question:

My mother used to say that our weaknesses are just our strengths carried too far. Politicians and preachers have a lot of the same skills. Both reach their positions because they are highly relational. They’re great at building connections, forming new friendships, making people feel welcome and a part of their community. Sometimes we can take those relational skills and use them inappropriately. That’s what gets preachers and politicians off track. No one I’ve studied has turned to a wayward life by one giant mistake. What gets them in trouble is usually a series of small, incremental decisions over a period of time. A lot of these extramarital affairs begin when a politician forms a closer relationship with a co-worker than he should, or when a sexual jest becomes an inside joke between a politician and a staffer. And in the end that winds them up in real trouble

Lindsay’s advice to politicians and other leaders is equally applicable to preachers:

Make sure your marriage is strong and you’ve got the staunch support of the people who know and love you best. They’ve got to be convinced this is a calling, not just for you, but also for them, because you’re bringing them along in that process, and see if you can get a group of friends who can be supporters, even if it’s a matter of having a telephone appointment once a month. You need a group of people who can support and encourage you and make sure you’re holding true to your values.

 

Then, in the process, identify some people who have been successful in politics over the long haul, people whom you respect for their lives and integrity; seek out their counsel, because they’ve figured out how to maneuver around these potential pitfalls and perhaps they can point you in the right direction.

As he concludes, Lindsay is asked what most he is most concerned about these days. I was surprised, pleasantly surprised, by his answer:

I’m concerned by how little attention we give to the importance of cultivating virtues in our lives. One particular virtue that deserves a lot more attention is the virtue of rest. The concept of Sabbath rest can be found in many of the major world religions, including Judaism and Christianity. But we live in a frenetic world where we don’t practice restraining our ambition, bridling our sense of doing something big for the world. We’re constantly trying to improve and outwork the next person.

 

That’s setting us up for long-term failure. In that environment, it’s hard to keep things in balance and develop nurturing relationships with our families. We can convince ourselves that we’re part of what’s saving the world, when in fact we play a very small role. Practicing Sabbath rest is one way of exercising humility, but we do it very, very poorly in this country.

You can read the whole interview here, or listen here.


Connected Kingdom Disconnected (for a few weeks)

With 25 episodes of Connected Kingdom in the can, Tim and I are calling that Season 1 and taking a time-out until the New Year.

We’ve greatly enjoyed the challenge of learning to communicate via the podcast format, and deeply appreciate all your interaction and feedback. Thanks also to all our guests.

We look forward to returning with Season 2 in January. We’ll have a new line-up of subjects and guests and hopefully a couple of ways of increasing your own involvement with the show.

So, have a great holiday season and join us again in a few weeks for the next season of Connected Kingdom, connecting truth and life in a digital age.

** If you want to listen to past podcasts, you can download them on iTunes, access them via our Facebook page, or search for “Connected Kingdom” on our blogs.


38% believe marriage becoming obsolete

Pew Research Center’s latest statistics reveal that 38% of Americans believe marriage is becoming obsolete. Other headliners:

  • In 1960 72% of US adults were married; by 2008 the proportion was 52%.
  • The average age at which men and women first marry is now the highest ever recorded, having risen by roughly five years in the past half century.
  • Over the past 50 years, the share of children born to unmarried mothers has risen dramatically—increasing eightfold from 5% in 1960 to 41% in 2008.
  • The number of children under age 18 living with two married parents has decreased to 64% in 2008 from 87% in 1960.
  • College graduates (64%) are much more likely to be married than those who have never attended college (48%).
  • The racial differences are even larger. Blacks (32%) are much less likely than whites (56%) to be married, and this gap has increased significantly over time. And black children (52%) are nearly three times as likely as white children (18%) and nearly twice as likely as Hispanic children (27%) to live with one parent.
  • When asked whether the growing variety in the types of family arrangements is a good thing, a bad thing or doesn’t make a difference, the public is evenly split. A third (34%) say it’s a good thing, 29% say it’s a bad thing and 32% say it doesn’t make a difference.
  • More than six-in-ten (62%) now say that the best kind of marriage is one where the husband and wife both work and both take care of the household and children. In 1977, fewer than half (48%) endorsed this egalitarian template for spousal roles.
  • And the public is quite open to the idea that marriage need not be the only path to family formation. An overwhelming majority says a single parent and a child constitute a family (86%), nearly as many (80%) say an unmarried couple living together with a child is a family, and 63% say a gay couple raising a child is a family.
  • Three-quarters of all adults (76%) say their family is the most important element of their life at this time. An additional 22% say it is one of the most important elements but not the most important. Only 1% say their family is not an important element of their life.
  • Three-quarters are very satisfied with their family life, and 19% are somewhat satisfied. Fewer than one-in-ten (6%) are dissatisfied with this aspect of their life.

Even if you don’t read the full report, do click on the link to the summary page and note the birth/deaths ticker at the top of the page. It’s quite sobering.


Motives for ministry?

Godin

In his usual punchy style, Seth Godin gives eight reasons for work.

  • For the money
  • To be challenged
  • For the pleasure/calling of doing the work
  • For the impact it makes on the world
  • For the reputation you build in the community
  • To solve interesting problems
  • To be part of a group and to experience the mission
  • To be appreciated

Are any of these valid reasons for wanting to preach/pastor?

FYI, here’s one of my ordination vows: Are not zeal for the honor of God, love to Jesus Christ, and desire of saving souls, your great motives and chief inducements to enter into the function of the holy ministry, and not worldly designs and interests?