Blogs

Your Thoughts Will Betray You
According to Martyn Lloyd-Jones, overthinking and self-evaluation can actually encourage and contribute to spiritual depression.

7 Tips to Help Manage Depression and Anxiety
I’d probably pass on the Himalayan Salt Lamp

“Self-care is the root for coping with mental illness. I never understood the meaning of self-care until I was hospitalized. It sounds simple to take care of yourself but you would be surprised by how many people neglect self-care.”

Should We Preach like the Puritans? Yes
A follow up to Joel Beeke’s previous article which argued “No”

7 Delivery Skills for Public Speaking
“I don’t know a single person, even a seasoned professional speaker, who doesn’t get at least a few nervous butterflies before they speak. But I’m also aware there’s a big difference between a few excited butterflies and paralyzing fear. Let’s review some of the main areas of delivery and strategy and provide exercises you can do to practice and improve.”

5 Things Your Wife Wishes You Knew (But Might Never Tell You)
“You may be the recipient of her home-cooked meals, wear the clean clothes she washed and folded yesterday, and eat off the dishes she unloaded from the dishwasher. You may share a bed with her, raise children with her, and even participate in keeping the home in order. You love her and value her, and maybe you even tell her that regularly. But even if you do all of that, here are five things your wife wishes you knew about the work of the home.”

How to be a Friend Magnet
“The truth of the matter is that we all have the ability to be friend-magnets when we enter a room with the words, intentions, and body language of seeing others–There you are!–rather than saying Here I am! Everyone look at me! Everyone listen to me! or the opposite, false humility response, I hope no one notices me. I will feel too self-conscious.

The Eschatological Insufficiency of the Archaic
“Remove archaic fixtures we must, because devotion to the archaic reveals in us an insufficient eschatology. Loving what met needs in the past over what meets the need of the moment fails to anticipate the glory that is to be revealed. It trades a vision for the glory of Christ for earthly forms that are passing away.”

Kindle Books

The Story of Reality: How the World Began, How It Ends, and Everything Important that Happens in Between by Greg Koukl $3.99.

Bringing the Gospel Home: Witnessing to Family Members, Close Friends, and Others Who Know You Well by Randy Newman $2.99.

Practicing Hospitality: The Joy of Serving Others by Pat Ennis $2.99.

Video

Karen Pence Opens Up About Her Marriage
Mike Pence isn’t just second to the President, he’s second to his wife too.

Yesterday we surveyed the wreckage that a fallen pastor leaves behind him and made some suggestions about how to begin repairing the damage. Part of this involves speaking God’s Word of life to the particular needs of the bleeding congregation. It’s not a time for beating around the bush, for denial, for forgetting, for “putting it behind us,” or for “moving on.” Instead, God’s all sufficient and all-suitable Word should be applied skillfully to the specific wounds inflicted by this sin. A series of sermons should touch on the following subjects:

1. Sin, when it is full grown, brings forth death (James 1:15)

This is an appropriate time to emphasize the danger of sin and the havoc it wreaks in the lives of those who cave to temptation. This is true not just of immorality but of all sin.

2. All things work together for good (Rom. 8:28)

Without minimizing the evil or harm of sin, it is important to remind God’s people that God can work even the worst sin together for the good of those who love God. It may be impossible to envisage any good being produced, but faith must believe God’s promise.

3. Stop putting all your trust in men (Isaiah 2:22)

One of the reasons why so many well-known pastors fall into sin is because their congregations have idolized the man and given glory to him that belongs to God alone. A pastor’s fall is sometimes one of the ways God uses to turn people away from man-centeredness to God-centeredness.

4. This is normal abnormality (Matthew 27:3-5)

The Bible has a number of examples of men who served the Lord for a time and ended up in terrible sin. Judas is the classic example, but there’s also Gehazi, Ananias, Demas, Diotrephes, and Alexander the Coppersmith. If we know our Bibles, fallen pastors should sadden us, but not surprise us.

5. God can speak through a donkey (Numbers 22:28-30)

Many of those who were converted or blessed under a fallen pastor’s ministry may question if their experiences were genuine if the minister was not genuine. However, if the man’s sermons were consistent with God’s Word, then it is still God’s Word. If God can speak his Word through a donkey, he can speak through a sinful man.

6. The judge of all the earth will do right (Genesis 18:25)

Was/is he saved? Was/is he a real Christian? Such questions will vex the hearts of the congregation. The Bible does call us to judge a person’s ministry by its fruits (Matt. 7:15-20). However, a person’s spiritual state and eternal destiny are ultimately questions for God alone and must be left in his hands. He will do right.

7. Let not many of you become teachers (James 3:1)

Teachers will receive stricter judgment than the taught. This should, therefore, caution those seeking leadership positions in the church and call those in leadership to “Take heed to yourself and to the doctrine. Continue in them, for in doing this you will save both yourself and those who hear you” (1 Tim. 4:16).

8. Let him who thinks he stand take heed lest he fall (1 Cor. 10:12)

This is a time for humble self-examination, of testing ourselves to see if we are really “in the faith” (2 Cor. 13:5). The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked (Jer. 17:9), and therefore we must be diligent to make our calling and election sure (2 Peter. 1:10).

9. What is that to you? Follow me (John 21:22)

It’s important to face these issues and address them honestly and sensitively, but ultimately and eventually we have to turn our eyes to our own responsibility. Whether one or many ministers have fallen, we must not be distracted from following Christ ourselves.

10. Care for the widows and orphans (James 1:27)

In some cases, a fallen pastor will leave his wife and children for another woman. In other cases, he stays, but his relationship with his wife and children is wrecked. In both cases, the wife and children are to some degree “widows and orphans.” They’ve been betrayed and abandoned, at least emotionally. As James says, the way Christians respond to them will determine how true their religion is. It’s incredible that this needs to be said, but sadly it does: NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER BLAME THE WIFE.

11. Forgive our debts as we forgive our debtors (Matthew 6:12-14)

It can be incredibly hard for a congregation to forgive a fallen pastor. He’s caused so much harm (see yesterday’s post) and how can they trust if his repentance is genuine? However, if he submits to church discipline, shows fruits of repentance, and is eventually restored to church membership (1 Tim. 3:2 bars him from the ministry), the grace of forgiveness must be extended to him. Our own forgiveness depends on it. If he does not repent, we still have to release the matter to God and give vengeance over to him (Rom. 12:19).

12. Honor your leaders (1 Thessalonians 5:12-13)

This is another big ask. When a spiritual leader falls, people are often tempted to write off all pastors. After experiencing betrayal, King David admitted, “I said in my haste, ‘All men are liars.’” That’s an understandable initial reaction. However, as David said, it’s hasty. Once the emotions calm down, it has to be fought against. God has appointed spiritual leadership in his church that we are to respect and follow. This will take time to rebuild, but it’s vital for long-term spiritual health.

13. Christ is all (Col. 3:11)

Ultimately, only the grace of Christ in the Gospel can provide the deepest healing. Christ should therefore be preached again, and again, and again. Justification by faith alone, through Christ alone must be a constant theme. The cross of Christ is light in the deepest darkness and proves that there is hope even after the darkest day and the deepest evil.

What else would you add to these messages? What theme or verses would you preach?

Whenever a pastor falls into public and scandalous sin, it leaves a trail of desolating damage in many lives.

First and foremost is the pastor’s own wife and children. What devastation, to see one they loved and trusted over many years, one who ministered God’s Word to them, not just in public but in private, end up doing exactly the opposite of all that he stood for.

Then, there’s the damage done to the Christians in the pastor’s congregation, especially those who were converted and blessed under his ministry. They have so many debilitating questions: Was my conversion through his ministry real or just imagined? Were the blessings under his preaching genuine or was I deceived? Many will be angry–rightfully so–at the pastor’s sinful selfishness.

What wreckage this leaves in the lives of children in the congregation. The man they looked up to and regarded as a holy man is proven to be a fraud. How many doubts this sows, not just about the man but about his message. What painful conversations are provoked between Christian parents and their children. The wounds are multiplied if the pastor has also been a regular speaker at local school assemblies, with hundreds of unchurched children knowing him as the only pastor in their lives.

There are mass casualties among non-Christians in the church and the community. It hardens some in unbelief as they use the hypocrisy of the pastor to justify their continued resistance. It deters seekers as they think, “Well if he can’t make it work, what hope do I have?” It weakens doubters who already have serious questions about Christianity. It strengthens skeptics who openly mock the church, pastors, and Christians for their double standards.

The ministry, in general, is contaminated as people wonder “Are they all like that?” Pastors in the community feel ashamed, wondering if people are wondering about them. The marriages of Christian pastors are undermined as their wives worry if their own husband is also at it. Suspicion grows and trust weakens. The congregation’s replacement pastor is going to have to wait a long time to regain the confidence of the congregation.

Depending on how well-known the pastor was, the damage may not just be local but national. When megachurch pastors fall, the mega-scandal weakens the church and its witness all over the nation.

Repairing the Damage

So, what can be done to repair the damage? Here are some essential steps to take.

1. Tell the whole truth. The remaining church leaders must level with the congregation and with the public. The least hint of a cover-up or of spin will be found out and will only end up making the situation even worse. No matter how damaging the truth about a pastor’s fall, it is even more damaging to tell lies about it or admit to the truth only as it is discovered from other sources. Instead of letting the facts dribble out bit by bit, better to get it all out at once and then move on. Otherwise, as fallen politicians can tell us, death by a thousand leaks only prolongs and worsens the agony.

2. Minister to the damage. Difficult though it is to bring up all the painful trauma of these events, it’s far better to deal with it than ignore it, minimize it, and “move on.” Sermons should be preached with a clear focus on addressing the damage, “Question and Answer” sessions should be organized, resources should be supplied, homes should be visited and conversations initiated about the specific problems that have resulted from the situation. Yes, it’s going to be a stressful time for the remaining church leadership, but better to be honest and open about the wounds in order to heal them. Otherwise, they will continue to fester and become a source of infection in the church for years to come.

3. Prioritize the wife and children. Each of the groups above need pastoring, but none more so than the wife and the children of the fallen man. Bizarrely, the wife is sometimes a target of blame when a pastor falls.  This can even come from the fallen pastor, as was the case a few years ago when a megachurch pastor who had committed adultery went to a national newspaper and said, “Well, she did it first.” But even where there is no blaming of the wife, she needs massive support and comfort from the Christian community. Let her be in no doubt about their love and commitment to her. Special care should also be taken to shepherd the children through this dark valley.

4. Pastor the ex-Pastor. This is not the priority–the casualties he’s caused are–but the ex-pastor also needs care. Sadly, many pastors who commit adultery and are removed from the ministry tend to become resentful towards the church, harden their hearts, and refuse all attempts to shepherd them to repentance. However, if the pastor is humble, truly repents, and wants spiritual (and marital) restoration, then much time will have to be spent in guiding him through this process, and encouraging him to find alternative work to provide for his family.

5. Prayer and patience. Recovery is going to take a long time for all concerned. The damage can be generational, taking 15-20 years before its effects eventually fade. It’s not just the faith of Christians that is shaken; their mental health will be also. I remember talking to a Christian psychiatrist in Scotland a couple of years after a horrendous church division. He said he continued to be inundated with Christians from both sides of the divide. Huge supplies of prayer (public and private) and patience are going to be required before all the devastation of this tsunami is cleaned up.

From a recent email: “I’d like to do a bit of studying on the Song of Songs with the hope of preaching our Divine Bridegroom to the church I’m part off. Are there books/material that you could point me to that are specifically Christological in their approach/exegesis/exposition?”

First of all, I’d recommend the following books:

Song of Songs by Richard Brooks.

Song of Songs: A Biblical-Theological, Allegorical, Christological Interpretation by Jim Hamilton. Here’s my commendation of this book:

This beautifully written book of sound Christ-centered biblical exposition and skillful personal application, will not only strengthen and heal many marriages, but will also draw many Christians into a deeper appreciation and enjoyment of their marriage to Christ. Unlike most books on the Song of Songs, this one will make you sing!

The Song of Solomon: An Invitation to Intimacy by Douglas Sean O’Donnell. More of a sermonic commentary. Not quite so Christological as the previous two books.

Royal Company: A Devotional on the Song of Solomon by Malcolm Maclean.

There are also a couple of older books that I consult (Burrows and Durham), but I dial them back a bit because at points they over-spiritualize, they go a too far in their allegorizing.

Here’s my lecture on Song of Solomon from my Old Testament Introduction course. Plus, I’d recommend the final chapter on my book Jesus on Every Page.

Lastly, here are some articles I’ve bookmarked over the years:

Blogs

To Ph.D or Not to Ph.D?
Seven important questions to consider.

8 Sins You Commit Whenever You Look at Porn
“When you open your browser and begin to look at those images and videos, you are sinning in ways that go far beyond lust. Here are 8 sins you commit when you look at porn.”

What Can Church History Teach Us About Wolves?
“Several years ago I did a series on heresies and heretics. Preparing the messages helped me understand church history better and more carefully articulate the orthodox faith. It also helped me notice some patterns (and non-patterns) related to false teachers. I discovered that church history can teach us a lot about wolves.”

A High School Counselor’s Tips on Parenting Teenagers | Biblical Counseling Coalition
“I have had the privilege of spending the last 13 years working as a music teacher and crisis counselor for teens. The following six tips represent a handful of lessons I have learned along the way. If you are the parent of a teenager or pre-teen, I pray that you find this helpful.”

The Future of Ministry, according to a Seminary President | LogosTalk
As society and technology careen toward an uncertain future, what does the future hold for Christian ministry? Her’s one Seminary president’s take on it.

Kindle Books

Subversive Kingdom: Living as Agents of Gospel Transformation by Ed Stetzer $2.99

The Shape of Preaching: Theory and Practice in Sermon Design $0.99.

Video

Luther: The Life and Legacy of the German Reformer
Click through to rent or buy this beautifully produced new documentary on Luther.

“Parent’s Mobile Use Harms Family Life” say High School Students
Well, here’s a turning of the tables. A recent survey found:

• More than a third of 2,000 11 to 18-year-olds said they had asked their parents to stop checking their devices.
• 14% said their parents were online at meal times, although 95% of 3,000 parents, polled separately, denied it
• 82% of students felt meal times should be device-free
• 22% said the use of mobiles stopped their families enjoying each other’s company
• 36% had asked their parents to put down their phones
• Of pupils who had asked their parents to put down their phones, 46% said their parents took no notice while 44% felt upset and ignored.
• Only a minority of parents (10%) believed their mobile use was a concern for their children – although almost half (43%) felt they spent too much of their own time online
• 37% said they were online between three and five hours a day at weekends
• 5% said it could be up to 15 hours a day over a weekend
• Almost three-quarters of pupils (72%) said they were online between three and 10 hours a day – but for 11% this could rise to 15 hours at weekends and holidays and 3% said it could reach 20 hours.
• Vhildren’s greatest worry about their own online use was lack of sleep, with 47% highlighting it as a major concern.

Mike Buchanan, headmaster of Ashford School in Kent and chairman of the HMC, which represents leading private schools, said it was time for parents, teachers and pupils “to rewrite the rulebook” on mobile devices, which “have become an integral part of life at school, work and play”.

“Our poll shows that children are aware of many of the risks associated with overuse of technology but they need the adults in their lives to set clear boundaries and role model sensible behaviour.

Infographic: How is your phone changing you?
In addition to viewing the infographic, you can also download a PDF version (one page, multiple pages) for easy sharing and printing. Also see Tony Reinke’s new book: 12 Ways Your Phone is Changing You.

The Addiction that’s Worse than Alcohol or Drug Abuse
If you think it’s just fuddy-duddy Christians concerned about digital addiction, here’s another BBC article:

In the last few years, the number of patients seeking help from Nathan Driskell, a therapist in Houston, Texas in the US, for so-called social media addiction rose 20% and now make up almost half of his patients, he says. Interestingly, clients asking for help with computer-game addiction have somewhat declined, he says.

In some ways, the psychological impact caused by Facebook, Snapchat and other digital platforms can be more difficult to treat than other recognised addictions, Driskell says. “It’s worse than alcohol or drug abuse because it’s much more engaging and there’s no stigma behind it,” he says. Driskell charges $150 per hour and works with patients on a weekly basis for at least six months.

Why I decided to publish a Paper Planner
Michael Hyatt, one of the most tech-savvy productivity gurus out there has just come out with a PAPER PLANNER! Click through for the video.

The More You Use Facebook, the Worse You Feel
Who knew?! The study concludes:

The full story when it comes to online social media use is surely complex. Exposure to the carefully curated images from others’ lives leads to negative self-comparison, and the sheer quantity of social media interaction may detract from more meaningful real-life experiences.  What seems quite clear, however, is that online social interactions are no substitute for the real thing.

The Tech Wise Family: Everyday Steps for Putting Technology in its Proper Place by Andy Crouch. You can see a video for the book below and here’s an interview with Crouch. One of the key passages in the interview is where he discusses the most important question that opens the book:

More Digital Detox Resources here.