Yesterday I posted What girls should know about guys, the result of a survey of about 50 teenage guys at Youth Camp. Today the girls turn the tables and pass on their tips for the guys.

  • Sometimes just a hug is better than words.
  • Girls do not enjoy your jokes about women in the kitchen.
  • I wish guys would understand that they are marshmallows underneath. It doesn’t matter, because we are too!
  • Please protect our purity.
  • When a girl says she is “Fine” take a second to break down that four-letter-word: Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional. When girls say they are “Fine,” chances is they aren’t!
  • Holding doors open and being the gentleman is completely cool.
  • When you ask me out, be ready to be the man of a relationship, and make me a top priority.
  • I wish you knew how much it means when you are chivalrous and do small courteous things for us (x4).
  • Girls like to feel loved and protected (x3).
  • We don’t always know what we want.
  • If you take charge, we will let you.
  • Take charge, be bold, and just ask us out (or ask for my Dad’s number).
  • Girls are emotional, they need to cry it out sometimes, even if they don’t like to let you see it, and if they don’t always want to talk about it (especially if it has something to do with you).
  • Girls want guys to respect them and to listen to them; not mock them.
  • Girls like attention, but not to the point where they feel watched or uncomfortable.
  • Girls can tell if a guy is constantly watching them. It makes just being around that guy very uncomfortable.
  • Girls, whether they want to or not, are continually pressured by the media on how they should look, dress, and act. Standards are set that are unrealistic and hard to meet. So guys, remember this esteem struggle girls have and could really use an honest compliment every now and then.
  • Make your own sandwich.
  • Girls hate it when guys are two-faced.
  • Don’t lie to a girl to avoid arguments.
  • We don’t like it when you try to show-off.
  • Don’t flirt with other girls (x3).
  • Girls want guys to take the initiative and take leadership responsibilities (x6).
  • Please be the first one to introduce yourself, otherwise you don’t look confident which is unattractive (x3).
  • There’s more to us than you think. We love to laugh. We come in different shapes and sizes.
  • Girls eat too. We are not supermodels.
  • We find it quite attractive when you’re holding a baby.
  • Some girls purposely ignore the guy they like, even though it sounds totally backwards.
  • If you like a girl, talk to her. If you’re nervous, just pick a casual setting like playing soccer or walking to the campfire and just chat to her. Trust me, girls are good at talking and will fill in the silences.
  • If you are interested in us, don’t be scared to come and talk to us. We don’t bite! We could be interested in you as well and are just waiting for you to make the first move.
  • We’d love if guys knew that they should pay attention to us because then we wouldn’t have to tell them everything we feel.
  • After spending time to get ready a girl loves to be complimented on the time spent.
  • If you like a girl, be her friend first; don’t rush things – she has to know and trust you.
  • We like to talk things out.
  • A positive thing said by a guy to me can make me smile and feel good for a whole day. A negative thing, however, no matter if they meant to say it or not, can turn me down for days and weeks. Sometimes a guy’s opinion is more important for us than a girl’s opinion.
  • Sometimes we don’t know or understand our own feelings so we have a hard time revealing/expressing our true feelings. That’s why we appear to speak a “different language.”
  • Girls like to know they are appreciated.
  • Just ask what is wrong. Ask to talk about it. When you do that, it is like WOW.
  • Don’t give us your phone number.
  • We don’t understand your silence. We aren’t all that scary.
  • I wish guys knew that it doesn’t matter if they aren’t ripped!
  • Speak to us!
  • I wish guys knew that we don’t care about if they are good looking, just as long as they are themselves, not arrogant or false – good looks would be great as well :)
  • Apologize. Ask for forgiveness. It means a lot and the majority of girls will forgive and it will clear the air.
  • Communication is huge. Girls tend to imagine worst-case scenarios.
  • Doing things like flips off the pier to catch our attention or smoking or drinking is a turn off and not impressive.
  • I wish guys understood how saddening it is, as a girl, to know that the guy she will marry cannot be entirely loyal in his mind, due to the immodesty and sexual temptation this society is saturated in.
  • Don’t only tell me you love me, show me you do!
  • Be fun, humorous, and positive, but know when to be serious and know when not to joke around.
  • Tell her she is beautiful, treat her like she is the best.
  • We do not appreciate your jokes about us belonging in the kitchen, and no, I will not make you a sandwich (just kidding).
  • We have a huge amount of respect for them when they lead in prayer, devotions, etc., even if they are nervous.
  • Know who you are, know what you believe, and have a vision!
  • How you treat/respect your mother and sisters tells me a lot about how you will treat your wife.
  • We girls like to be told we look nice. It’s not awkward, really.
  • Girls like to be encouraged in trying to dress modestly. It can be hard to go so much against our culture. You can be looked down on sometimes because of it.
  •  I can cook!

Not surprisingly, the girls have more to say than the guys (I’ll catch it for that!). As I read this entertaining mix of humor, wisdom, frustration, grace, and encouragement, all I could think was, “I’m so glad that I’ve just celebrated 21 years of married bliss. Who’d be a teenager all over again?”

  • Foppe VanderZwaag

    Dear David. Priceless! I truly wish I had these lists earlier in my life. Thank you. Just one comment. Wasn’t yesterday’s post What girls should know about guys? Come to think of this, Didn’t someone else we know made a similar mistake a few days ago…?

    • David Murray

      I cannot believe I just made the mistake! Now fixed. Please don’t tell Shona. I’ll pay you…

      • Anne

        Well, they do say you get to be like the one you live with … ;)

        • Caroline

          Anne, does that mean you are about to grow about 2 feet and lose your hair?!?! *eek* ;-D

  • Kim Shay

    This was also a wonderful list! This was my favourite: “We find it quite attractive when you’re holding a baby.” That was sweet. It’s nice to see girls not afraid to admit they long to be led. Thanks for posting these lists; they were a real blessing to me.

    • David Murray

      Yes, I loved that one too. We had such a laugh reading these out at the campfire!

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  • Anne

    (Actually, I know girls who *make* the kitchen jokes themselves! Some aren’t overly sensitive, but it may be because we’re still in the backwater here ‘) )
    I do hope the guys realize the importance of them being leaders, whilst remaining sensitive. That is hard. Where do they draw the line? They keep wondering, ‘When does listening to your wife/future wife and changing your mind become weakness, rather than sensitivity? Or if I stick to my guns, am I being horrible?’ … All these questions the poor guys have to contend with!

    Like you, Finlay and I are soooo thankful that we’re looking down a 20 year tube at these, but they are definitely useful for our own family discussions.

    • David Murray

      Well put, Ann.

  • Caroline

    I find this all fascinating!! It’s a great activity to get them to do whilst they are young – so that they understand how differently men and women think. And, to learn that we can’t always change it, but we need to understand it!

    I am but 12 years down the line, but I am still glad I am past that stage…I remember it all so well, though. The analysing of actions and words – and the lack of them as well!

    Thanks for a smile in the morning!

    • David Murray

      The feedback was great Caroline. And most of the adults said they wished they’d known these things when they were young!

  • http://no bob

    nice article.