And finally, we come to the adult edition of what girls should know about guys, what my wife taught the girls at their workshop. Shona wanted me to make clear that she got most of her points from two books, including one survey of 400 guys all around US, ages 15-20:

For Young Women Only: What you need to know about how guys think by Shaunti Feldhahn and Lisa A.Rice.
Lies Young Women Believe and The Truth That Sets Them Free by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Again, usual qualifications apply. These are general observations, and are not true of all guys/girls. Don’t get too worked up if it doesn’t match you/her/him. Just because it’s not in the Bible doesn’t mean it’s not true; God asks us to “read” the world as well as His Word, etc., etc. These are only bullet points that were further explained and qualified in the workshop, and so on.

1. Guys need respect (that you trust them, believe in them)

• For who they are not for how they do
• Don’t knock a guy down in a group setting
• Don’t try to humiliate him
• Don’t compete

2. Guys are insecure, even if they appear cocky

• Need affirmation

3. Guys do have feelings, even though on the outside they may appear tough

• 86% of the guys in the study either always or sometimes withhold their inner feelings
• Generally very guarded, don’t confide in girls and fear rejection.

4. Guys are visual

• Look pretty without looking provocative

5. Guys are attracted to girls who are happy, not grumpy and nagging

6. Guys are more attracted to a girl with personality than a girl with good looks or a good body

• BUT some physical attraction does play a part in initial relationship

7. Guys talk less than girls

•  Guys are less likely to want to talk about their problems
• They are more likely to clam up, whereas girls want to talk it all out

8. Guys are put off by fakeness, in personality and appearance

• JUST BE YOURSELF!
• Your desire to be perfect may well be the major flaw that puts him off!

9. Work is VERY important to guys

• When in a committed relationship, support and encourage
• Don’t belittle how much work builds up their God-given self-esteem

10. Guys need guy time just like you need girl time. Don’t grudge it.

REMEMBER: Our differences are God-given, although the fall and sin distorts these differences.

PREVIOUS POSTS

• What girls should know about guys (teenage edition)
• What guys should know about girls (teenage edition)
• What guys should know about girls (adult edition)

So, we all got a few laughs and not a little insight over the past couple of days as we looked at what teenage guys wanted girls to know about them, and then at what the girls wanted the guys to know.

Today I’m posting the bullet points of what I thought the guys should know about girls – a little bit more sober and serious today! Obviously I filled out these points in the workshop, but I hope they’ll give some further talking points for your families! Thanks again to my research assistant (and his wife!) for valuable input.

Ten Things Guys Should Know About Girls
(NB: does not apply to every girl)

1. Girls value relationship more than things.

2. Girls want you to value their opinion and to discuss major decisions with her.

3. Girls want undivided attention when communicating, and want you to listen (esp. to their feelings) before fixing.

4. Girls have a biological cycle that impacts their moods, attitudes, behaviors, etc.

5. Girls talk more when stressed (men retreat and clam up) and imagine worst-case scenarios.

6. Girls want to feel loved:

• Value her more than your friends, mother, children, family, job, etc.
• Praise and affirm frequently (do not praise other women)
• Romantic surprises and gifts (big AND small)
• Prefer to be held & hugged rather than reasoned with.

7. Girls have an unfathomable connection with their children.

8. Girls want you to see a person (with inner beauty, personality, aims, hopes, dreams) not a body, not body parts.

9. Girls want you to put some effort into your appearance & hygiene (without becoming vain).

10. Girls value stability and want you to give steady leadership especially in spiritual matters, finances, and children.

GOD ORDAINED BEAUTIFUL AND COMPLEMENTARY DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN, BUT THE FALL HAS DAMAGED, MAGNIFIED, AND MULTIPLIED THE DIFFERENCES, WITH SUBSEQUENT PAINFUL EFFECTS UPON THE RELATIONSHIP.